Thursday, March 1, 2012

Desperately Longing

I have been keenly aware of my utter need for Jesus the past couple of days.  It's not just been one thing or two things ... or even three that has my awareness on high alert.  It's just the past couple of days I've seen clearly what a fallen world we live in, and it just makes me long for Christ's return even more.

Yes, I do still pray every day Jesus would come and get His children and take us home.  I actually pray this several times a day most days.  I desperately long for Heaven.  I probably hold tighter to the promise of Heaven than any other promise I've ever been given.  Wrapped up in that one promise is an abundance of promises.  Layers and layers of promises.  The promise of no more pain, sorrow or tears ... the promise of a new body without CIDP or having to take multiple medications a day ... the promise of pure perfection.  I have the promise of being able to physically sit at the feet of Jesus.  I get to touch the hem of His garment.  I get to walk hand and hand with Him forever and ever ... and then some.  It's more than my brain can possibly fathom.  When I think about Heaven it makes my heart flutter, the hairs on my arms stand up and my eyes well up with tears.

Oh how I desperately long for Heaven!!

During bible study yesterday we went around the room and one by one we answered the question, "What do you want your faith to be marked by?"

"Joy", one lady said.  Yes, I want that too"Pleasing Him", another lady said.  Yes, I also want that"Trust, assurance, peace, knowing Him", the next lady said.  Yes, yes, yes ... I want all of that. 

As the third lady talked I became overwhelmed with emotion.  She is a lady I greatly admire.  The more I get to know her the greater my admiration is for her.  Simply because she knows and confesses her complete dependance on the Lord.  She is one of the wisest women I know.  She's been through a lot in her life.  Deep hurt.  Hurt that would cause most of us to crumble.  She would have crumbled had she not relied on the Lord each time she had to put one foot in front of the other.  When I look at her, I see Jesus.  I see her love for Him, and how her love for Him spills over into love for her family and those around her.  As I sat and listened to her yesterday I asked myself, "Is that what people see when they look at me?"

I hope so, but honestly, depending on the moment would depend on what they see.  I want my love for Jesus to spill over to everyone around me.  I want to have joy that only comes from Him.  A peace that passes all understanding.  I want to please Him in everything I do.  I want to know Him ... really know Him on a deep level.  I want to be able to trust at all times with never a doubt entering my mind.  I want complete assurance.

I want it, and sometimes those things exist within me.  Never for long though and never perfectly.  But wrapped up in the promise of Heaven are the promises of all of those things.  All of them.  Perfectly.  For eternity.

And wrapped around the promise of Heaven is love of my Heavenly Father.  A love I don't comprehend.  "How can it be that thou my God would die for me?"  A love that will never let me go.

So, I desperately long for Heaven.

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