Friday, January 6, 2012

Whom Shall I Fear?

I have a lot of fears.  Some that are understandable and some that are completely irrational.  I am terrified of snakes and mice.  I can't even look at a picture of a snake or hear someone talk about one.  It causes me to have nightmares that they are crawling on my bedroom floor keeping me hostage in bed.  Now that I've just written that I will probably have that nightmare tonight.

You see, now I am fearful I'm going to have nightmare.

I am fearful for the safety of my girls and Nathan.  What if they are in an accident?  Sometimes I am fearful of being home alone.  What if someone tries to break in?  What if I fall and can't get up or reach the phone to call someone for help?  What if the next fall breaks my hip or leg, and I'll never be able to walk again?  What if the added weakness in my legs and arms isn't from not sleeping well lately, but it's a sign I'm headed for another attack?

What if ... ?  I could go on and on with a thousand "what ifs" and work myself into a complete tizzy.  I've done it many, many times.  I am quite an expert at it.  Some days I am able to rest in knowing that the Lord is sovereign.  Some days, not so much.  I'm better at resting in Him than I ever have been, but I am far from where I need to be.  So I find myself asking the Lord for protection ... a lot.  I don't just ask Him for it, I beg Him.  Then I fail to trust Him to keep His promises to me.

Someone once told that in the Bible it says, "Do not fear" 365 times ... one for each day of the year.  I have no idea if this is accurate.  I've never counted it and most likely I never will.  If it's true, I'm not sure what you should do during leap year.  I do know we are reminded and commanded not to fear all throughout the Bible.  So when I find myself getting worked up in a complete panic, I remind myself of the promises we are given that the Lord will protect us.  Grant it, sometimes that protection doesn't come in the form we would choose.

I am a visual person.  That's one of the reasons I decided to do the "365 Days of Gratefulness".  Hmmm ... I just realized that this is a leap year, so I suppose I should change that to "366 Days of Thankfulness".   Anyway, I can go back and read what I have to be grateful for.  I learn visually.  I can read instructions a thousand times or have someone show me how to do it once.  So I ask the Lord to show me why I shouldn't fear and how He's covering me with protection.  It seems to be a constant request.  I often find those visual reminders come in the most unexpected ways.

About a month ago we had family pictures made.  Alissa and I talked about ideas for the photo shoot, and I told her I have a quilt a friend made that has been in every family photo we have had made since I've had it.  She immediately popped of with this idea.

I remember thinking how sweet that would be, but I had no idea the Lord had an even bigger plan than to just have a sweet picture for me to look at.  This quilt is covered with verses from Psalms.  Every white block contains a verse.

Yes, it's a very sweet picture, but when I look at it I see so much more.  We are wrapped up in a quilt that is covered with reminders of just how much I can trust in the Lord.  And while being wrapped in those reminders, I am in the arms of the man the Lord as given me to be my protector, someone I can trust.  Nathan is a tangible reminder of the Lord's protection, and that picture is a visual reminder.

At the end of the song, "Who Am I" by Casting Crowns is a sweet melody that says, "Whom shall I fear, whom shall I fear?  I am Yours."  I find myself singing that melody often.  Not to worry, I sing it in my head and only sing it out loud when no one is around.

Because of who He is and because I belong to Him, I have nothing to fear.

I wonder if I will remember this an hour from now when I'm sitting in the chair at my dentist office.

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