Is a Miracle His Will?

My Wednesday morning bible study group just began a study over a book written by Nancy Guthrie, "Hoping for Something Better".

 

It's a study over the book of Hebrews.  We have only had 2 weeks of the actual study thus far.  We had one week covering just the introduction, and I missed that week because of the fever I've had.  Although it has only been 2 weeks, I really think I'm going to enjoy this study more than our last one over the book of Philippians.  This one seems a little harder to me, but I love how it makes us dig so deep into the Word.  It shows us how Scripture backs up Scripture and I just love that.  I am grateful we are going to take it slow going through this study.

Without even knowing I was going to do this bible study, my friend Lacy recommended the devotional "The Year Book of Hope".  Nancy also wrote this.

When I ordered the books for my every other Monday night and Wednesday morning bible studies, I decided to go ahead and order this book also.  If you know me, you know I hate to read.  I might read a book every 10 years or so.  I'm not kidding.  My friend Mary reads a book every few days, and she finally decided it was easier to just send me excerpts from books she wanted me to read rather than expecting me to read the book on my own.  So ordering 3 books was a bit ambitious for me ... overly ambitious is probably more like it.  I justified ordering all 3 books by reasoning I would be slowly reading through 2 of them during the bible studies.  I do read devotionals because they are usually only one page long, and I only have to read one a day.  I also got free shipping by ordering all 3 at one time.  How could I possibly pass up free shipping when the cost of the shipping was going to be almost as much as the devotional?

I cannot stop reading "The One Year Book of Hope".  Seriously.  I can't seem to stop at only one a day.  I find myself wanting to read 2 or 3 weeks ahead.  She writes so beautifully and in a way that is so easy to read.  Her style of writing is a way that speaks to my heart.  She shares so much of how it applies to her own life, so it becomes more than just words in a book.  You know she truly dug deep in the Word and is able to communicate how to applies to real life.  She knows what it is to hurt, so you know she's not just blowing smoke.  It is packed full of Scripture.  Somehow I am going to have to find a way to exercise some self-control and only read one day at a time.  I need to spend some time chewing on what I've read.  Who would have thought I would ever say that about a book?  I've not shared with Lacy how this book is such perfect timing for me.  I don't know why I am so surprised by that.  God's timing is always perfect.  We have plans for her to visit us half way through the study we are doing on Wednesday's, and I am so excited.  I told them this week I have so much I want to ask her.

Tonight I was reading and this paragraph jumped off the page at me:

"Often I see the body of Christ put so much into pursuing God for physical healing.  With great boldness and passion and persistence, we cry out to God, begging for healing of the body.  And in these prayers, there is often a tiny P.S. added at the end where we say, "If it be your will."  But shouldn't we switch that around?  Shouldn't we cry out to God with boldness and passion and persistence in a prayer that says, "God, would you please accomplish your will?  Would you give me a willing heart to embrace your purpose?  Would you please mold me into an instrument that you can use to accomplish what you have in mind?"  And then, perhaps, we could add a tiny P.S. that says, "If that includes healing, we will be grateful."

Maybe one of the reasons this jumped off the page at me is because I've been thinking a lot about healing lately.  I had a friend tell me this week she was praying for a miracle for me.  I thought, "How sweet of you.  But what if that's not God's will for me?"  I didn't say it.  I didn't want to seem ungrateful.  I would love nothing more than for Him to heal me and to have CIDP no longer.  But what if it never happens?  Don't misunderstand.  There will be a day I will have the ultimate healing.  I will have a new body.  No more weakness.  No more pain.  No more trying to decide what's the next step for treatment.  No more wondering if cellcept is going to my demise or not.  I have that promise to hold tightly to, and God never breaks His promises.

I have an appointment at Vanderbilt with my neurologist there this afternoon.  Darryl and I were talking about it the other day, and he said, "I think she's going to be pleased."  Really?!?!  Why is it I'm not pleased with where I am at then?  Why am I so dissatisfied with my progress?

Maybe because I truly am longing for a miracle.  I don't know if it's God's will to heal me of CIDP this side of Heaven, but I want it to be.  Desperately.  So when I read that paragraph tonight, it struck my heart.

I don't know what Dr. Peltier will have to say this afternoon.  I hoping she has some answers about some of symptoms I've had lately, and she will have a plan on how to best deal with them.  I have a tremendous amount of confidence in her.

But my confidence should not be in her.  It should be in the Lord.  He is our Great Physician and she is only an instrument He is using to accomplish His will.