Wednesday, October 26, 2011

I Must Remember He Is Sovereign

I am seriously having to reconsider whether I should be going to bible study today.  I fell this morning.  I'm sore, but I don't think I've hurt anything.  I haven't felt quiet right for the last few days.  I can't really put my finger on it.  I've had this nervous flutter in my chest and I've been extremely tired.  I almost fell asleep several times in church on Sunday and I've had a hard time staying awake for very long this week.  I've been fighting a headache, but I am thankful I've not had a fever.  Every little thing that happens causes me to have to fight against fear.  I wonder if it's the beginning of another attack.  I can quickly work myself up into a panic.  I have to constantly remind myself that God is sovereign and no matter what happens He will give me the grace to get through it.  It's hard though.  It's hard to trust even through in my heart I know what is true.  I always seem to lay it at His feet, but before I walk away I pick it up again.  Or if I do walk away I go back and get it.  Why do I do that?  I am so grateful to be surrounded by people who will remind me what I know is true.  You will point me straight back to the cross when I waiver.  Not only do they point me there, they will walk with me.

I'm going to have to be intentional about reminding myself He is sovereign and that whatever may come, He has a plan.  I just have to trust.

I am praying I'm only overreacting.  I have times when I fall often and times when I become overly tired.  It doesn't always mean another attack is looming.  Most of the time it's just my body crying out for rest.

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