Thursday, August 4, 2011

I Must Be Missing Something

I must be missing something the Lord is trying to teach me this week.  Some of the same frustrations seem to be happening over and over but in relation to different situations.  I am usually a slow learner when it comes to life lessons, but I wish I would "get it" already.  When Sara was little and she would get frustrated she would hold up her fist, clinch them with all her might, close her eyes as hard as they would, shake her arms and grunt as loud as should could.  Or bite you.  I don't want to bite anyone, but I sure feel like shaking my fist and screaming as loud as I can.  Well, unless you count biting someone's head off.  I fought the urge to do that all day long yesterday, but last night my poor family got the brunt of it.  Someone said something to me at bible study yesterday morning that angered me so much I almost responded in a way I would have made a fool out of myself.  The Lord quickly reminded me we were about to sit down and continue our study on Philippians, and Paul was telling us how to behave as Christians.  The Lord was gracious and bridled my tongue.  I don't think I said a word until I had a burning question right at the end.

As I was sitting there seething in my anger, I started thinking about all of the ladies in that room.  A sweet lady that sits beside always has a smile on her face and always has a praise for the Lord.  She doesn't have an easy life and she's not in good health herself, but in the year and a half I've know her I've known her, never once have I heard her complain.  Not once.  She constantly thinks about others.  She brings me her coupons from her paper every week.  The first words that come out her mouth when she sits down beside of me are, "How are you?"  She brings a stack of little cards with bible verses on them and passes them around for everyone to take a many as they want.  Yesterday she won a drawing for a homemade bag another sweet lady brought.  Bless her heart, she wanted it so much, but she said to give it to someone else because she already had a bag.  We finally convinced her to take it and she was tickled pink.  She really wanted it but was willing to pass up for someone else.  Why can't my heart be more like that Lord?  The lady who was sitting on the opposite side of me made a point to come to me twice and tell me what a blessing my blog had been to her.  Thank you, Gale.  You are one of the most tender ladies I have had the privilege of knowing.  I don't think you realize how you bless me.  Lord, why can't I be an encourager like her?  Why can't my heart be that tender toward others?  Another lady, who honestly is the kind of grandmother anyone would want, is always so quick to love on me.  I really would like to just bring her home with me.  She is so in love with the Lord.  She wrote me the sweetest note right before bible study began yesterday and walked it over to me.  I get handwritten cards in the mail from her often (handwritten notes delivered by snail mail is a lost art folks), and she brings me little gifts all the time.  Lord, I'm so sorry I fail to love you that much?  Why can't I be as thoughtful and loving as her Another lady makes tote bags and brings them for a drawing each week.  She volunteers to take my girls to youth group each week and to be a back up for my ride to bible study.  She makes quilts and crochets blankets to give to others.  Lord, why can't I be that generous?  Another lady who's health is poorer than mine, puts me on her prayer list every week.  She makes it a point to come up to me every week at church and ask how I am doing.  She usually arrives to bible study about the same time I do each week.  She meets me at the car to help me carry in my things, and she has an oxygen tank on her shoulder.  Lord, why am I not that concerned for others?  I am so self absorbed.  The lady who drives me to bible study every week sends me an email the day before to let me know she will be picking me up or to remind me she'll be out of town.  She will make it a point to ask how my week has been.  We have such special, uplifting conversations while traveling to and from my home.  Lord, why am I not that faithful to my friends?  And then there are the ladies, including those I've already mentioned, that have such insight to His Word.  Their knowledge and understanding for the bible blows me away.  Lord, will I ever understand your word at that depth?

I am sitting there wallowing in my anger and self pity, when I should be concentrating on Paul's instructions on how we are to act as Christians.  Looks like I would "get it".  After all, the Lord has been gracious enough to surround me with examples of exactly what Paul is teaching us.  Instead I'm allowing my self pity to frustrate me to the point that every small thing, like the comment that was made, to blow out of proportion in my head.  I'm not setting a good example of a Christian, am I Lord?

Just the fact I even have to ask that question proves the answer is "no".  I'm not hearing Paul's point of how we are to respond to affliction.  I'm not hearing how we are to behave as followers of Christ.  I need to go back and read it again.  As many times as it takes for my heart to "get it".

p.s.  As I am finishing up writing this post, this song began playing on the music channel I have on my tv...

Just how providential was that??

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