I've been very vocal about how there are time I doubt my salvation. I sometimes wonder if I truly belong to the Lord, or do I just want it so badly I've convinced myself that I am. It just seems so easy to me. All I have to do is believe He died for my sins?
"For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believes in Him shall have everlasting life." ~ John 3:16
It really is that simple, yet it's the simplicity of it that feeds into my doubts. Jesus endured so much to pay for my sins. He choose to suffer and die for my sake. Why me? I am so unworthy. I sin, and I sin often. I am way far from perfect. I sometimes do things or have sinful thoughts, and I think, "If I were truly a Christian I wouldn't have done that." I know there are those around me who look at me and think the same thing. I am a terrible witness.
Instead of spending my time and energy reminding myself that it's all been covered by the blood of Jesus, I question my salvation. "How could I have done that if I truly loved Him? There is no way He could love someone like me." I have spent a lot of time camping out on those questions and thoughts. And it's a subject that my bible study group has spent a lot of time discussing. What I've discovered is I'm not the only one who has those thoughts. I actually believe that every Christian has questioned. Although it may be a fleeting thought and you may not spend as much time camping out on it as I have.
The Lord has been so faithful to show me I am His. He reminds me through reading His word, a devotion I read or through words of a friend. My friend Connie has said to me so many times, "If you weren't, you would care." For the moment it helps. Sometimes that reassurance will last weeks, but sometimes ... a lot of times ... it only last for a short time.
During bible study on Tuesday, He did it again.
The subject of doubting came up in our discussion once again. After we had been talking for several minutes, one of the ladies noticed another lady was crying. She asked her if she was okay, but she was so emotional she couldn't speak for several moments. She is one of the sweetest, most dear ladies you could ever meet. Her heart is so tender and that's one of the things I love most about her. Once she was able to choke out the words, this is what she had to say ...
She said she had been reading something ... I think she said in her bible ... and it reminded her of me. She thought about how I doubt at times. This is the part that left me speechless ...
She said it must be wonderful to know I am going to Heaven. That if I didn't belong to Him, I wouldn't pray every day for Him to return to take us home. That should be proof I am His.
It was as if Jesus had come and sat smack dab in front of me. I don't know how to fully describe the warm feeling I had come over me. It was as if He was hugging me tightly as He was reassuring me that I am His and He is mine.
After awhile the only words I could utter were, "Wow! Thank you for sharing that." I had no argument against what she had just said. The Holy Spirit had used her to speak truth to me. I wanted to weep right then and there.
Thank you, Gale, for sharing with me what the Holy Spirit had revealed to you.
I am so grateful the Lord is faithful and never tires of reassuring me of His love for me.
Thank you, Lord, for loving me even though I am so unworthy.
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