Wednesday, September 14, 2011

The Desire of Her Heart

My best friend, Robyn, and I have been friends since we were in the 5th grade.  We've always like to point out we were in the 5th grade, rather than say since we were 10.  Doesn't seem to make us feel quite as old as we really are.  We've been friends for 29 years ... you do the math ... and Robyn is always happy to point out I'm 38 days older than her.  In those 29 years, we've lived a lot of life together.  We've shared the happiest times in our lives, and we've shared the most devastating times.  I love her deeply, and I cannot imagine life without her.

 This picture is several years old.

We always have so much fun together and laugh so hard it hurts.  We both are directionally challenged, and it's not officially considered a road trip until we've gotten seriously lost.  Like almost end up in another state lost. : )  Seems like we've always done things together.  We both were engaged within 2 weeks of each other, and we married in the same month and the same year.  But there is one thing we weren't able to experience at the same time.  Having our children.

Right after I had Sara, Robyn and her husband started trying to have a baby.  She went through years of disappointments and frustration, but she always would say to me, "I know God is going to give me a baby."  She never doubted, but honestly, I certainly did.  Robyn never did waiver in her faith.  She hung on to her favorite verse ...

"Delight yourself in the LORD; And He will give you the desires of your heart." ~ Psalm 37:4

It was the desire of her heart to have a child, and she believed it was a God-given desire. 

When Sara was 3 years old, I had to do one of the most difficult things I've ever had to do.  I called Robyn one morning to ask her if she wanted to do lunch.  It wasn't our normal lunch day.  Every Wednesday we had lunch, but I was calling her on a Tuesday, so she knew something was up.  She was waiting on me when I got to the restaurant and as I sat down I told her there was something I needed to tell her.  I really didn't know how I was going to tell her.  Sitting in front of me was someone I loved dearly, and the last thing I ever wanted to do was cause her pain.  I had to tell her I was pregnant.  It was a very unexpected pregnancy.  I was still in shock I was even pregnant and here she was longing to be pregnant.

She laughed and said, "I knew it!  When I hung up the phone I told them she going to tell me she's pregnant."  She was so happy for me, but my heart was aching for her.  

I remember as I was watching her as she sat on my bed in the hospital holding Hannah and wondering why.  I knew she would make the most amazing mother, and it made me so angry it was never going to happen.

Several years ago Robyn was told she would never have children.  She was told her tubes were completely closed.  I talked to her on the phone not long after she came out of surgery and after we finished talking I literally threw the phone I was so angry.  I just sat down and sobbed and kept asking, "why?" over and over again.

I love her so much and wanted her to have a child of her own so badly, I remember thinking I would carry her baby for her if I could.

But even then she would still tell me she was certain God was going to give her a child.  I would nod my head and would think about how blessed some little boy or girl was going to be when she and Randy adopted them.  However, Robyn meant she new she was going to give birth to her child.

Out of the blue one night, as I was waiting on a friend to pick me up to head out for a women's retreat our church was having, my phone rings.

"Hey, I need you to sit down because there's something I need to tell you."

"Um, okay."

"Seriously, sit down now."

In that moment I knew.  She was pregnant!  All I remember after that was a lot of screaming, crying and saying over and over again, "thank you, Jesus!"

September 14, 2007 this little miracle was born.
For 11 years Robyn tried to have a baby.  After being told many times that she would never conceive, she gave birth to a healthy baby boy.  I have no words to describe how it felt to hold this precious miracle.
All I could do was cry.

This is one of my most favorite photos ever.  This was taken the day after he was born.  It was Sara's 12th birthday.  This is all she wanted to do on her birthday that year. : )
Happy 4th Birthday, Daniel!  Every time I look at your sweet little face, I'm reminded that God never breaks His promises to us.
 And He certainly does give us the desires of our heart!
You are one loved little boy!

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