Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Happy Birthday, Mama

It has never entered my mind that one day I would be celebrating my birthday without my mama, much less my 40th birthday.  It seems like it was just last week we were laughing and talking about how this is a "milestone" year.  The last milestone birthday I cried for a month, and she was teasing me about it.  I've always taken it for granted, and honestly, until this year I never realized what a blessing it was to share her birthday.

She was a blessing I took for granted.

Rather she is a blessing I took for granted.

Twenty-six weeks ago today Jesus called her home, and it was on a Wednesday.  I'm not sure why the Lord chose for the first birthday I would have without her to be on a Wednesday.  Wednesdays are still so hard for me.  They continue to be a reminder of the day my life was changed forever.  In two days she will have been with Him for 6 months, but she still continues to bless me every day.  The legacy she left us is full of more blessings than I can count.

I found this photo last week.  I remember this day well.  It was just a Summer day we had gone to visit her.  This picture sums up her relationship with my girls.  She loved them beyond all measure, and they love her right back.  One of the things I am most grateful for is the story this picture tells.  They gave her so much joy.  They could always make her smile.  They know she loved them.  She not only told them, she showed them.  She also gave them much joy.  She provided much laughter for them.  When Sara and Hannah talk about her today, they laugh and smile.

We talk about her a lot.  We want to remember her.  We laugh, we cry and we are grateful for the many blessings the Lord gifted us with in her.  Her life mattered.  She touched more people than I will ever be able to count.  More than I will ever possibly know.  I continue to learn more and more about her through the people she touched.  And the Lord opens my eyes a little more each day to what an amazing, strong Mama He gave me.  A Mama who loved Him deeply, and wanted everyone she met to know her Jesus.

I wish she were here.  I wish we were sharing a chocolate, chocolate chip birthday cake.  I wish I were stressing over what gift I was going to buy her instead of picking out flowers to put in the vase on her grave.

But I am grateful she gets to spend this birthday with Jesus.  There is no better place to celebrate.  Although it hurts so deep, and the pain is so intense, it's a blessing to know she's in Heaven.  I am sure she's having a party.  I imagine she has collected a group of people to sing.

My mama loved to sing  And she loved The McKamey's.  We would tease her that she was a groupie.  If the McKamey's were singing within 200 miles, she was there.  Their style of music isn't my preference.  I'm more of a Casting Crowns, Mercy Me, David Crowder, Indelible Grace type of girl.  But not my mama.  She was a McKamey's fan through and through.

I was sorting through my email yesterday.  I've let it pile up over the past several months, and as I was clearing it out I ran across an email she sent me on February 21, 2012.  Exactly one month before she died.  When we spoke on the phone that day she was telling about a song she wanted me to hear.  She said she was going to send me the link to the video on YouTube.  I grumbled.

"Mama, you know I don't care anything about hearing one of their songs."

"Well, I want you to hear it and let me know what you think.", she said.

One of the first things out of her mouth when she called the next day, "What did you think about that song?"

I actually barely listened to it, and I'm surprised I didn't delete the email.  Surprised, and so grateful I didn't.

My Sovereign God knew the night she sent this to me it would mean nothing to me.  I wish I had remembered song when we were choosing music for her funeral, but He knew I would need it later.

I imagine my mama is in Heaven singing a lot like Peg when she gets excited ... when she is full of laughter, kicks off her shoes and swings her white hanky.

Happy Birthday, Mama.  I miss you so much the heartache is seemingly unbearable at times, but it brings me much comfort in knowing you are home with Jesus.  I didn't tell you, just like I failed to tell you so many other things, but thank you for sending me this song.  Thank you for confirming for me what I already knew, by His Amazing Grace you are home.  I love you.

No comments:

Post a Comment