Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Comfort and Assurance

I could feel myself beginning to hyperventilate.  I had just said in Sunday school I hoped the elements were passed slowly because I had a lot of sin to confess.  I changed my mind.  As soon as I heard "Wonderful, Merciful, Savior" playing out of the piano, I wanted to run out of the sanctuary, but the problem with that is I can't run.  CIDP will do that to you.

The sermon should have encouraged me.  Mostly it did.  I've made it no secret how much I long for Heaven, and how I literally pray every single day for the the Lord to take us home.  But it also reminded me of my mama.  I already had knots in my stomach because we had plans to visit my dad after church.  I was looking forward to spending the afternoon with him, but dreading going to my mom's house.

God's timing never ceases to amaze me.

The sermon was titled, "The Comfort of the Last Day", and Caleb's scripture reference was I Thessalonians 4:13-18.  I have three pages of notes scribbled in my notebook.  Some of the ink has smeared due to tears falling on the pages.  They weren't so much tears of sadness, although some of them were.  They were mostly tears of gratitude.  Gratitude for a Jesus who died so that I can stand before the Throne of God spotless.

This is truth.  How do I know?  Not because Caleb says so, but because my bible, the God-breathed Word, tells me so.

“For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life. ~ John 3:16

Caleb spoke about how as Christians we don't grieve the same as those who are not.  "It's the knowledge of truth that brings comfort in grief, suffering, pain and affliction.", he said.  The first time I reread that in my notes I highlighted it in pink.  The second time I underlined it.  This morning I have starred it.

"Screw these truths into your heart.  Don't just nail them in because nails can pull out.  Screw in these truths into your heart.", he said.  "It's not wrong to grieve.  Christians grieve uniquely.  They grieve with hope and assurance knowing ultimately there is no death."

I began to think about my mama.  I know without a doubt she's with Jesus, and that assurance brings me comfort even in the deepest part of my grief.  But that doesn't mean my heart doesn't ache.  I still miss her, and my heart is still so raw.  So when the piano began to play, I could feel myself start to hyperventilate.  I became fearful the tears streaming down my face were going to become sobs that could be heard all through the sanctuary.  Running wasn't an option.

But then I heard Him say quietly within my aching heart, She's with Me, Robin.  She's with Me."

As I felt Him comforting my heart, my tears began to flow faster down my face.  Tears coming from a hurting heart overflowing with gratitude.

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