Thursday, July 5, 2012

My Jesus Never Forgets Me

Yesterday was a hard day.  I cried most of the day.  The more I tried not to cry, the more I cried.  I've cried an innumerable amount of tears the past 3 1/2 months.  They're always at the surface just ready to fall.

Lord, will my heart ever stop bleeding?  Is the pain always going to be this intense?  Will I always have this empty black hole?  Lord, are the tears ever going to stop?

Even now my witness is in heaven; my advocate is on high. 
 My intercessor is my friend as my eyes pour out tears to God; 
 on behalf of a man he pleads with God as one pleads for a friend. ~ Job 16:19-21

The Holy Spirit, my friend, is pleading with God on behalf of my broken, bleeding heart as the tears flow from my eyes.

Lord, my heart is so weak.

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. ~ 2 Corinthians 12:9 

His grace is all I need.  His power works best in my weakness.

But, Lord, I am so tired.  I so am weary.

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. ~ Matthew 11:28

I can find rest from my weariness in Him.  Actually, it's only in Him where I will find rest.

As I was talking to the Lord last night He laid these verses upon my heart.  They played in my heart one right after the other throughout the night.

Thank you, Lord, for giving me just what I needed to get through the night.

When Sara and I went to visit my dad yesterday I almost started hyperventilating.  It was so, so hard to be there.  I kept seeing her everywhere.  I was expecting her to walk around the corner.  I found myself thinking about how it was Wednesday and wondering what really happened that day.

My heart was in agony because I wanted her to be there.

But the Lord was gracious.

Even through my tears I was able to smile and laugh when Sara and I began to share memories of her.  We even managed to get some chuckles out of my dad.

The Lord's grace takes me by surprise sometimes.  I know He's faithful.  He does what He says He's going to do.

Yet, I'm still surprised at times.  When I am the most distraught, I am the most surprised by His grace, because I take my eyes off of Him and focus solely on my suffering.  I forget about Him.

But He never forgets about me.  Every time, without fail, He showers me with all the grace I need to get through each and every moment.

My Jesus never forgets about me.  My Jesus never leaves me.

When my eyes are off of Him, I don't see Him carrying through my most painful moments.  It's only when I come to the end of myself and turn to Him that I realize He's been with me the entire time.

He always will be there.  He will never leave me.

... for He Himself has said, “ I WILL NEVER DESERT YOU, NOR WILL I EVERFORSAKE YOU," ~ Hebrews 13:5

I am weak, but He is strong.  He will give me rest in my weariness and grace to get through each and every moment.  He always has and He always will.
Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever. ~ Hebrews 13:8 

1 comment:

  1. At my dad's funeral mass, my brother, his wife and my kids & Katie sang a song that is Matt. 11:28 set to music for the chorus and Ps. 23 for the verses. A beautiful hymn our family has known for nearly 40 years, introduced to us by my dad's brother. I'll tell you more about it sometime if you want to know more. Love you.