Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Sisterly Love

Today marks eleven weeks.  There is something about the eleven week mark that is harder.  Maybe it's because her headstone has now been set.  Seeing it always takes my breath away.  It's made visiting the cemetery this past week much harder.  I thought having it there would make me feel better.  I didn't think the plastic cover containing just a piece a paper was good enough for her.  However, I didn't expect seeing a permanent headstone to be devastating.  I've left the cemetery everyday in tears since, when what I've wanted to do is just sit on the ground and talk to her.

Before I get a bunch of messages telling me she isn't really there, I realize that.

While I was standing beside of her grave the other day, something else took my breath away and brought me to tears.

My mom had a very close relationship with her sisters.  She talked to them often.  At least once a day she talked to one of them, some days all of them.   They spent hours sharing their hearts with one another.  They would call her for advice, and sometimes she gave it unsolicited.  They listened to her, and somehow just talking to her made them feel better.  Sometimes, though, she would make the situation worse when she tried to fight their battles for them.  She had a tendency to try to take down the enemy.  They had their fair share of arguments, just like all sisters do, but their love each for each other is much stronger than any words they said.

Her death has been hard for them.  Just like me, the shock hasn't completely worn off.  Each of them is dealing with it in their own way, but all of them are hurting deeply.

On Tuesday of last week when the headstone was set, Sara and I went to put flowers in the vase.  While we were there, my dad drove up and as he left he took all of the flowers that had been there with him.  It was windy, so we were having to work hard to keep things from blowing away.  Once we were finished, we picked up our mess.  I had to go back later with Nathan to add more flowers to the arrangement.  Once we were finished, we also picked up our mess.  We searched the ground all around us to make sure we had picked everything up.

I visited her grave everyday.  On Monday afternoon, I noticed a daisy that had dropped off an arrangement Mama's youngest sister placed on her grave a few days before Easter.

I hadn't seen it until Monday afternoon, nor had Nathan, Sara or Hannah.  I am assuming no one else had or they would have picked it up.  I'm not sure how I missed seeing it all of those days, but there is laid.  It had survived strong windy days, heavy rain and a couple of nightly severe thunderstorms.

How symbolic of their relationship! 

It made me smile in the midst of the tears running down my face.

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