Tuesday, June 12, 2012

A Prayer Request ... or Maybe Two

I have often said I wish the Lord would give me an outline of what's to come in my life, but then I always quickly retract that statement because I know I really don't want to know.  I would most certainly be full of fear and worry.  Not to mention the mess I'd get myself in trying to avoid all of the hard things.  And the hard things will come.

Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal among you, which comes upon you for your testing, as though some strange thing were happening to you; but to the degree that you share the sufferings of Christ, keep on rejoicing, so that also at the revelation of His glory you may rejoice with exultation. ~ 1 Peter 4:12-13

Just a few weeks ago Caleb said in his sermon the Lord was preparing us for the pain and suffering that is yet to come in our lives.  It was just a reminder to me that regardless of how much we've already suffered, we will always have more to come.

It doesn't seem fair.

But when I think of the suffering Jesus endured, my suffering seems like nothing.

I have to keep reminding myself of how He suffered because I often complain about my own pain without ever considering the amount of His pain.

I know He uses suffering to mold and makes us to be more like Him.  I always wonder if I am that unlike Christ that I need this much refining.

Yes, I am.

It's at that point I am reminded of my total depravity.

Oh, how I need Jesus!  I'm not so good at remembering that when things are full of sunshine and daisies.  But when the rain comes and the storm brews, I am quickly reminded of that truth.

Today I am very much aware of how much I need Him.

I haven't shared this with very many people for multiple reasons, but word has gotten out.  I guess I wasn't as careful with whom I shared it with as I thought I had been.  I logged into Facebook and my email this morning and discovered 9 messages from people wanting to know what is going on.  At first I was angry because I just wanted to keep it quite until I knew what I was dealing with, but then I realized I need prayer.  And lots of it.

For over a year now I have had a lump behind my left ear.  I've just thought it was swollen lymph node.  Since it hasn't gone away, Darryl told me I needed to see an Ear, Nose and Throat doctor, but I just kept putting it off.  However, lately I've noticed some pressure in my ear and in my throat, so I decided I probably should go have it checked out.

Yesterday was my appointment, and today I have to go back for a CT scan.

I was told the mass, as Dr. Keith referred to it, is not a swollen lymph node.  It's in the area of my carotid artery.  He said it's most likely one of two things ... a tumor or a blockage in my carotid artery that is getting inflamed.  He said there is a tumor that behaves the way I described they way this mass has.  He gave a specific name for it, but I don't remember what he said.  I also didn't ask if it was a benign tumor or malignant.  I didn't want to know.

When I left his office I decided I just wasn't going to think about it.  I don't know what I'm dealing with and it could be it's neither of those things.  But as the hours have passed I have found myself worrying and being fearful.

I won't know what the results of my CT scan is until June 25.  Thirteen more days.  I can produce a lot of worry and anxiety in that amount of time.

So, I ask you to pray I would be constantly reminded that in Jesus I don't have to fear.  He already knows what the results of the scan are and I've not even had it done yet.  He will give me the grace and mercy to get through whatever is to come.

I know this, but I tend to forget it.

I am praying this is something that has a simple fix to it.

And for Jesus to come quickly.

Will you do the same?

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