Does He Hear Me?

My heart is really heavy this morning.  The past couple of weeks have been hard and I've been having an ongoing pity party.  I get to the point I almost totally shut the party down, and then more unwanted guest arrive.  I would really like to go back to bed and just have a good cry.  I am going to make myself go to bible study instead.  I don't have the "want" to go today, but I know I need to, so I'm going to drag my happy self there.

Do you ever wonder if God hears your prayers?  If your prayers are just not important enough for Him to answer?  I do.  I know otherwise.  I know He hears me and I know He answers them.  Every single prayer He answers.  Rarely is it how I've dictated to Him how I want them answered.  Often times He even keeps silent about how He's answered them and doesn't clue me in until the exact moment I need to know.  He has us on a "need to know" basis.  Frankly I don't like it.

I am so tired of being sick.  Tired of being in constant pain and having to be dependent on others so much.  I long for Heaven.  I pray every day that Jesus would come get us.  I am so ready to go home.  I don't want to die.  I just want to go home.

I've thought a lot this past week about something my aunt Bobbie said to me not long after I got sick.  She said she was praying the Lord would heal me and that He would make me better than before I got sick.  I know she prays for me often, and the past several days I've wondered why He's not answering that prayer.  She's praying for that.  I'm praying for that.  Many are praying that same prayer.  Why is He not answering?

When I checked my email this morning, this was in my inbox.

Joni and Friends Daily Devotional  November 16, 2011 Dear Robin,

God's Got Reasons

But let all who take refuge in you be glad; let them ever sing for joy. Spread your protection over them that those who love your name may rejoice in you. --Psalm 5:11 In preparation to go to Africa, I was stuck with every kind of shot, from yellow fever to hepatitis. I even took malaria pills. When I left the doctor's office, I relaxed, knowing I was under God's protection. While overseas, I was careful with the food and water. I became doubly cautious when, mid-way through our trip, everyone else was running to the restroom. We all knew that if I became ill, it would be awful - I wouldn't be able to get up and run to a bathroom! Mealtimes were challenges. To make things worse, I lost my special spoon again (remember yesterday's story?). My friend thought she had cleaned it off after breakfast and put it back in my handbag. But not so. I was demoralized, knowing someone would have to feed me. I asked the Lord to show me where that spoon was, but God was quiet on the subject. At the close of the trip during our last meal, I was struck by a crystal-clear thought: Joni, you lost your spoon because it was contaminated. Had you used it, you would have become sick. Immediately I shared this with my friends at the table. One of them gasped, "God just told me that same thing this very instant." God was no longer quiet on the subject. Neither was I. I kept praising him, happy to not only be healthy, but to be able to hear his reasons for hiding my spoon! We say it all the time. We pray to the Lord, "Deliver us from evil." God answers that prayer with a resounding "I will," yet we cannot see the thousands of ways to he does it every day. Lord, I thank you for the countless times you will protect me today. I'll name a few right now...

Blessings,   Joni and Friends

I cannot even count the times the Lord has used Joni's devotions to speak to me.  He's used them to give me a swift kick in my rear and often times to calm my heart.  This morning was no exception.  My heart needed to hear this.  Deuteronomy 29:29 often runs through my thoughts ...

 “The secret things belong to the LORD our God, but the things revealed belong to us  ..."

I know that some day He will heal me beyond how I was before CIDP.  It might now be this side of Glory though.  I hope it is.  I know He can.  I just don't know if He will.  That just might not be how He's answered that prayer.

I'd also like to know the answers to all of the question I have that begin with "why".  Well, I'd actually like to know the answers to all of my questions.  When that thought enters my mind He always reminds me of what Paul tells us in I Corinthians 13.

¹² For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face; now I know in part, but then I will know fully just as I also have been fully known."

Some day I will know, but not until He thinks I need the answers.

A year or so ago, I read a quote by Angie Smith ...

"Because I know Who, I am unconcerned with the why."

I am supposed to trust in the Lord with all my heart.  I often fail at that.  I am grateful He always forgives me.  He hears my heart's desire and He always answers.  Always.  And when I need to know the answer, He will fill me in on the details.  Until then I'm going to have to remember He is sovereign.  If I become all consumed in my pity party, I might not hear His answer.