Monday, September 1, 2014

Afraid of Darkness

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. “The Lord is my portion,” says my soul, “therefore I will hope in him.” ~ Lamentations 3:22-24

These verses have been on my heart all morning.  Over and over I have said to myself, "His mercies are new every morning.  He is faithful.  My hope is in the Lord."

I'm having to repeatedly remind myself of this because the past few days have been very dark.  Darkness has crept in and grabbed a hold of my heart, and it has become really hard to see truth.  I'm afraid of the darkness.

Satan is whispering a lot of lies to me, and it's becoming really hard to discern between what is truth and what is a lie.

Connie said to me the other day, "Whispers can be so loud."  When things are dark, whispers are so much louder and harder to ignore.

They become all I hear.

"You are worthless."

"No one really cares about you."

"You ruin everything you touch.  God can never use you."

"Everyone hates you."

"No one would even notice if you weren't here anymore."

"You are in everyone's way."

Then satan likes to remind me of things that have happened to help make his point.  He reminds me of things people have said in the past.  He reminds me of things people have done to hurt me, and of all those times I've messed up.

It becomes harder and harder to fight him, and the more tired I become the harder it becomes to combat what he's saying.  Before long, satan starts making sense.

It's a scary place to be, and honestly, it's where I am right now.

I am broken.  My heart is completely shattered.  I'm at a point of desperation.  I just want the pain to stop.

The physical pain my body feels, and emotional pain my heart doesn't know how to handle.

I'm trying really hard to remind myself of what is truth, but satan is really good at making me believe him.  I have to keep reminding myself he is a master deceiver.

It's so hard to fight him.  My flesh is weak.  I'm tired.  Very tired.

I know my strength comes from the Lord.  I know I can only fight satan with the truth of God's word, so I start repeating it over and over.

You are from God, little children, and have overcome them; because greater is He who is in you than he who is in the world. ~ I John 4:4

I've always been afraid of the dark.  It's in the dark we are the most vulnerable.  When I was a child my mom always left a light on at night.  Even if my bedroom door was closed, I could at least see the light shining from the crack at the bottom of the door.  The darkness wasn't so scary when that little bit of light was shinning through.  Life is dark right now.  It's so dark I can't see my hand in front of my face.  I can't see to even stay on a straight path, but I know in this darkness the light can only come from the Lord.

Your word is a lamp to my feet And a light to my path. ~ Psalm 119:105

I have to keep reminding myself God is faithful.  He will never leave me or forsake me.  He hasn't forgotten me.  I may feel all alone right now, but that feeling is a lie.  He is with me always.

And in Him there is no darkness.

Even the darkness is not dark to You, And the night is as bright as the day. Darkness and light are alike to You. ~ Psalm 139:12

His mercies are new every morning.  He is faithful.  My hope is in the Lord.

This is truth.  His truth is light, so there is no need to be afraid of the dark.

You drew near when I called on You; You said, “Do not fear!” ~ Lamentations 3:57

Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.  ~ Isaiah 41:10

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