Grace For The Moment

I feel like I am walking in slow motion through a tunnel most of the time.  Over and over again I just keep thinking, "I want my Mama back."

I just want her back.

Why didn't I say, "I love you" before we hung up the phone on Monday?

I asked Mary last night if she thought my mom knew I loved her.

I know God is good.  Not in just the easy things, but even in the seemingly unbearable things.  Actually, I'm learning more and more with each moment His goodness is even more apparent in the seemingly unbearable things.  For if it weren't for Him carrying me, this would be unbearable.

God is still the same.  He hasn't changed.  He is continually covering us with His presence and showering us with His love.

One moment we are laughing about things she would do.  Other times I'm just numb.  Then there are those moments I'm doubled over in pain hyperventilating not knowing how I am going to make it through the next moment.

Grace for the moment.  He gives us the grace to get through the next moment.  Mary has reminded me of this truth for years.  Never more than now have those words given me comfort.

He's not going to leave me.  He's going to carry me through the next moment.

There have been so many decisions we've had to make.  So many details that we've had to cover.  Walking into the funeral home yesterday morning I kept saying, "I don't want to do this."

Standing in a room surrounded by coffins I kept thinking, "This can't be happening".  It still all feels like a nightmare I can't wake up out of.  Before Sara went to bed last night she said with tears streaming down her face, "It doesn't seem real".

No, it doesn't.

Jesus is our only comfort.  He loves us with an everlasting love ... a love that's not going to let us go.  I know this, yet I find myself begging Him over and over not to leave me.


We covet your prayers.  Please continue to pray for us.

"And He has said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me." ~ 2 Corinthians 12:9