366 Days of Gratefulness ~ Day 68

I have often joked that one of my spiritual gifts is worrying.  I can worry myself insane over every little thing.  Worry is a beast.  It's sort of like trying to not think about something; the more I try, the more I worry.  The more I worry, the more I panic.  The more I panic, the more my fear keeps me frozen in worry.

I find myself worrying often times about my disease.  It's unpredictable.  Today I could be fine, and tomorrow I could find myself unable to walk.  I take notice of every change I have in anything, and start making a list in my head.  Before I know it, I start to become consumed in worry.

Over the past couple of weeks I've began a list in my head.  I'm more tired.  My eye is twitching more and won't seem to stay in focus as often.  I've been in a tremendous amount of pain.  I'm having muscle cramps several times a day.  My feet have gotten heavier, and just yesterday I noticed my arms are weaker.

As I thought about my list last night, I decided I had enough evidence that I was starting to have an attack.  Before I knew it, I almost had myself in a full blown panic.  I realized today was Saturday and I would not be able to call Dr. Gaw's office and Darryl is out of town.  My head was full of "what if's"?

I became so consumed with worry over not being able to run to my doctors, that I forgot I have 24/7 access to the Great Physician.  He is available nights and weekends, and He never leaves town.

The bible is full of verses that tell us to trust the Lord and do not fear.  We are reminded over and over again of who our Great Physician is, and not only is He our Great Physician, He is everything we need.  Our Protector, our Comforter, our Ever-present Help in times of trouble.

"And which of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life’s span?   If then you cannot do even a very little thing, why do you worry about other matters?" Luke 12:25-26

Worry is not going to help me at all.  If I am starting to have an attack, worrying isn't going to keep it from happening.  I have no control over it.

However, I can control how I react to the list I have in my head.  I can do what the Lord tell us to do ... I can lay it at the foot of the cross and trust Him.

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge Him,  and He will make your paths straight."  Proverbs 3:5-6

 I have learned the more time I spend with Him, the less anxious I am.  When I fall short in my time with Him, the easier it is to forget He's right there with me.  He never leaves.  He's aware of everything going on ... even those things I'm not aware of that are happening.

And even better ... He's already got it all worked out.  His plan is perfect, and no amount of worry is going to thwart His plan.

And why would I want to anyway?

"Make me know Your ways, O LORD; Teach me Your paths. Lead me in Your truth and teach me,  For You are the God of my salvation; For You I wait all the day."  Psalms 25:4-5

"The LORD is my light and my salvation; Whom shall I fear? The LORD is the defense of my life; Whom shall I dread?"  Psalms 27:1 

I may or may not be starting to have an "attack".  Only time will tell.  I am grateful my Heavenly Father does know what's happening.  I can trust Him and not have to fear what tomorrow may bring.