366 Days of Gratefulness ~ Day 18

I had typed up a long post and was just about ready to hit "publish" and I changed my mind.  I'm not really sure why.  It just didn't seem to say what I really want to say.  It was just a bunch of words all jumbled together.

January 18, 1988 my Nannie went to be with Jesus.  Twenty-four years ago today He called her home.  Whoever started the cliche' "time heals all wounds" must have never lost someone they loved deeply.  It hurts just as much today as it did the night she died.  The older I've gotten, the easier it's been to cope with ... most days anyway.  I still have times when I sob because I miss her so much.  I miss her hugging me when I left her house ... her slobbery kisses on my cheek ... the way she would stand on the porch and wave bye as we were pulling out of her driveway.  I miss sitting in her bed after eating breakfast drinking my hot chocolate as she drank her coffee and talking.  I miss just being with her.  I know she wasn't perfect.  Who is?  Not me.  Not you.  But I loved her ... unconditionally.

I still love her.  I miss her.  Sometimes I think I would do anything to just have one more day with her ... to have her call me and ask me a hundred times if I have the doors and windows locked and to remind me to not answer the door for anyone.  I would give anything if she could have been at my wedding ... if she could have held my babies ... if they could have grown up getting those same hugs and slobbery kisses on their cheeks.

I would do anything ... I would give anything ...

Or would I?

As much as I miss her ... as much as I would love to have all of those wishes come true ... my heart is so grateful to know she is with Jesus.

How could I possibly wish for her to leave Him and come back here?

I believe that some day I will hug her again.  I will get more of those hugs and slobbery kisses.  I will be able to watch her hug my girls and kiss their cheeks.

I will be able to spend eternity with her forever singing "Victory in Jesus".

I have nothing to give.  I can't do anything to make it happen.

He gave His life and He hung on a cross, so that we wouldn't have to give anything or do anything.

And because He gave His life for us, I will have so much more than I could possibly wish.

 

I am grateful for the 15 years I had with her, but I am beyond grateful that I will spend eternity with her.