Saturday Morning Ramblings

Life has been crazy lately.  It's been one thing after another, and one big ball of emotions ranging all over the place.  I'm so exhausted and would love a break.  However, things show no sign of slowing down anytime soon.

I spent the end of last week preparing to go on a trip with Nathan's entire immediately family.  By the time we left Sunday afternoon, I was already so tired I could hardly hold up my head.  I feel asleep about 10 mins after hitting the road, and didn't wake up until we got to Pigeon Forge.

Saturday night we had our neighborhood picnic at church.  Although all I did was sit in a chair and hold sweet Averie the entire time, I had a great time.  I love spending time with my covenant family.  We are so blessed to be a part of our church.  The Lord was so gracious to lead us there.  It's will actually be six years since we came to Grace this Sunday. : )

I was really hesitant about leaving on Sunday.  It was the first Father's Day since my mom passed away, and I wasn't happy about leaving my dad.  We were able to meet up with him for breakfast before we went to church, but I would have loved to have spent the entire afternoon with him.  It was hard walking away from him that morning.  I am grateful we got to at least spend some time with him though.  Lord willingly, I hope we can get together soon and have a late celebration.  Father's Day is one day, and he's the type of dad who should be celebrated every day.

Our trip was okay.  The past three months have caused me to view family differently, so when things come up, as they do in all families, it really upsets me.  I value time with family, and I have become keenly aware that at any moment the opportunity to be with family could be taken away in an instant.  Not everyone shares my same view.  I'm just beyond exhausted and glad to be home.

Thursday night I had my sleep study done.  I have avoided having it done for years, but when Dr. Keith pointed out I had a 20% chance of dying in the next five years if my issues weren't addressed, I decided it was time to bite the bullet.  All I could think about was how suddenly my mom died.  It wasn't nearly as bad as I had anticipated.  The Lord was gracious and sent a sweet man to do my testing.  It was a long night, but it's over.  I should have the results in about two weeks.

Yesterday I crashed.  I was able to get a little work done, but other than washing the glue out of my hair from the test, I got nothing else accomplished.  I still haven't unpacked from our trip.

Sara had a minor accident last night. I can't explain the fear that goes through me when we get the phone call she's been in an accident.  This isn't her first one, but it's the first that has caused significant damage to her car.

The saying, "when it rains, it pours" keeps coming to my mind.  It has poured on us for months now.  It's been major issue right after another.

I long for Heaven.  More and more each day my prayer for Jesus to come quickly increases in intensity.

Sara had senior pictures taken yesterday.  It doesn't seem possible she's a senior now.  It seems like yesterday I was sitting in her room on the floor crying hysterically the night we took her home wondering how I was going to take care of her.  I'm still fearful I'm not the mom she deserves.

It breaks my heart my mom isn't here.  I hate she will miss Sara's senior year.  She told me a few months ago she wanted to buy her prom dress.  She won't be here to see her or Hannah go to prom ... or any other part of their lives.

This past week marked 3 months since she the Lord called her home.  I can't even think about it with getting hysterical.  This week has been super hard.  I feel like I'm living those first two weeks all over again.  I just want to crawl up in the bed in a ball and cry.

Today I will be spending at church at a Women's Conference.  I'm looking forward to it.  I'm exhausted, but I need to go and be with people I love and who I know love me right back.  I might not last the entire day, but I'm going to give it shot.  I'm excited Sara and Hannah are going with me.

Tonight is my nephew's birthday party.  It is so hard to believe he's going to be seven in a few days.  He's such a precious little boy.  Full of energy, super smart, quick witted and absolutely hilarious.  He's pretty cute too.  He's so sweet, and I love how he calls me Aunt Ra Ra still.

At some point I need to get my VBS stuff together.  I'm teaching 1-2 grade again this year.  I am so grateful it is only half a day and only for 4 days.  It also helps I don't have to teach the entire time.  I am grateful for group time, recreation, arts and crafts and snack time.  VBS absolutely drains me.  I am hoping that being able to have it all within our new building will make it much easier this year.

That's all for now.