366 Days of Gratefulness ~ Days 7 & 8

I made the commitment to myself and to the Lord that I would be more intentional about focusing on the things in my life I have to be grateful for because I was stuck in this pattern of "woe is me".  I was spending a lot of time wallowing in my sorrows just like a pig in mud, and then I'd carry all of that muck around with me.  It was affecting me greatly.  Making me short fused, depressed and weepy.  I had to do something.  So when I ran across the idea on Pinterest of keeping a journal of things to be grateful for, I thought it was a great idea.  I could write those things down and be able to go back and read over them to remind myself of all blessings I've been given.

But let's face it, some days it's much easier to see those blessings than others.  It seems like all the hurtful things are always surrounded by blinking neon lights commanding my attention.  I get so blinded by the bright lights I can't see anything else.  And so starts the wallowing again.

Saturday was a good day.  We just spent the day at home just hanging out.  We were looking forward to spending the evening with dear friends that were in from out of town.  I was excited I was feeling well enough to go, but just as I was headed to get my shower, the phone rang.

Cue the blinking neon lights.

I had expected that one day I would get this phone call, but when it actually happened it knocked the breath out of me.  I just got sick all over and was furious at the same time.  I almost called our friends to tell them we weren't going to be able to make it.  My excitement about our fun evening we had planned had become over shadowed by news that put me on the verge of despair.  It would have been so much easier to have stayed home and just sat on the couch and cried, but I didn't want to let our friends down.  So I decided we would go, and maybe, just maybe, it would get my mind off of things for awhile.

I am going to confess that almost immediately after getting that phone call I got really angry with the Lord.  I started questioning why He hadn't intervened and kept this from happening.  I've prayed so hard for these circumstances to change, but they just keep getting worse.  I asked Him if He was just ignoring me or was I not making my request clear to Him.  I threw a big temper tantrum because I wasn't getting my way.

Then later that evening, as I sat in a room that was filled with friends that I love and who love me, I heard the Holy Spirit speak very clearly to my heart.  That phone call didn't take Him by surprise.  I had expected that one day it would come, but He knew it would.  Not only was He not surprised, but He knew the exact moment my phone would ring.  So as I sat there in a big circle visiting with friends, the chatter and giggles of kids in the background, I was reminded of His sovereignty.  He knew the moment my phone would ring, and by His sovereign grace, it came just before I would be spending an evening surrounded by friends.

I could have just sat there and wept, but as my eyes started to well up with tears, a conversation started about a pig roast one of the guys had done a few years ago.

I had been like a pig wallowing in the mud, and the conversation turns toward a pig roast at the moment the Holy Spirit is speaking to my heart.  The Lord certainly has such a sense of humor, doesn't He?

Day 7 ~  I am grateful for the Lord's grace and mercy.  I am grateful He gave me the grace to get through that evening ... and for the grace He's given me in the hours and days that have followed.  I am grateful for the mercy He gave me when I threw my temper tantrum and acted like I was entitled to answers.  I am grateful for His forgiveness for my actions.  I am so undeserving, yet He is so gracious and merciful.

I am also grateful that even though it seemed as if the evening was going to be a total bust, I was still able to spend it with dear friends.  It was so good for my heart.

Day 8 ~  I am grateful that I was able to go to church.  It was the first Sunday I have been able to go this year, and I was so, so glad to be there.  I needed it so much.  I need to hear the Word, and I need the fellowship.  I do so much better when I am able to go.

And here is another example of God's grace and mercy ...

Caleb had planned to preach a totally different sermon than what he preached yesterday, but the Lord changed his mind ... or I suppose you could say He changed His heart.

So his sermon was based on Philippians 3:2-11 and what it means to know Jesus.

I have three full pages of notes, but I'm just going to summarize what I took away from His sermon ...

"Christianity is knowing and being known by God."

"To know Christ is to know His benefits."

The benefits of Christ are justification, sanctification and glorification.

God does not declare us righteous because of anything we have done.  It's only because of what He has done.  To know Christ we have to throw away any other reliance we have and trust only in Him.

Sanctification is making us more like Christ.  To really know Him is to know His suffering because that was His life.  Suffering is a gift because it is through our suffering we are being refined.  Suffering and sanctification will always go together.

As we suffer, we are glorified.

First comes the Cross, then comes the Crown.

I must say, that sermon was exactly what I needed to hear.

I have realized that over the past couple of days I have something to be grateful for that far out shines any blinking neon sign.  I am a child of the King.  There is nothing that can ever change that.  I'm going to have suffering in my life, but in the midst of that suffering I still have much to be grateful for.  Being refined is painful, however, it's allowing me to really know Christ.

There isn't any neon sign that can out shine or any blessing that will ever trump knowing Christ and being a child the of King.

366 Days of Gratefulness ~ Day 6

I realized earlier today that this is a leap year, so I had to adjust the number of days in my title.

Today I am grateful for "laughing gas".  I absolutely hate going to the dentist.  Just getting my teeth cleaned weirds me out, but when I have to have any sort of dental work done I am terrified.  Today I had to have a couple of fillings done, and by the time they called me back and got me settled in the chair, I was almost in tears.  I am grateful we have the sweetest dentist and his office staff is just the best.  I highly recommend them to anyone.  I have recommended them many times and will continue to do so, but I hate going.  If they weren't so sweet and so good at what they do, I'd probably never go.  Today was not pleasant.  I don't know why, but for some reason I don't think I was breathing the gas in deep enough, and I could feel myself going into a full blown panic.  Thankfully they picked up on it, and he would pause and tell me to breathe in the gas for a little bit.  Poor guy.  He certainly earns his pay with me.  Bless his heart, he never acts like he's one bit irritated with my fear or the fact I act like a big ole' baby.  And have I mentioned how sweet his staff is?!?!

I am very grateful for "laughing gas", but actually, I am even more grateful to have a dentist, and his staff, that are so wonderful at what they do.  And they do it with the sweetest, kindest spirits about them.

Whom Shall I Fear?

I have a lot of fears.  Some that are understandable and some that are completely irrational.  I am terrified of snakes and mice.  I can't even look at a picture of a snake or hear someone talk about one.  It causes me to have nightmares that they are crawling on my bedroom floor keeping me hostage in bed.  Now that I've just written that I will probably have that nightmare tonight.

You see, now I am fearful I'm going to have nightmare.

I am fearful for the safety of my girls and Nathan.  What if they are in an accident?  Sometimes I am fearful of being home alone.  What if someone tries to break in?  What if I fall and can't get up or reach the phone to call someone for help?  What if the next fall breaks my hip or leg, and I'll never be able to walk again?  What if the added weakness in my legs and arms isn't from not sleeping well lately, but it's a sign I'm headed for another attack?

What if ... ?  I could go on and on with a thousand "what ifs" and work myself into a complete tizzy.  I've done it many, many times.  I am quite an expert at it.  Some days I am able to rest in knowing that the Lord is sovereign.  Some days, not so much.  I'm better at resting in Him than I ever have been, but I am far from where I need to be.  So I find myself asking the Lord for protection ... a lot.  I don't just ask Him for it, I beg Him.  Then I fail to trust Him to keep His promises to me.

Someone once told that in the Bible it says, "Do not fear" 365 times ... one for each day of the year.  I have no idea if this is accurate.  I've never counted it and most likely I never will.  If it's true, I'm not sure what you should do during leap year.  I do know we are reminded and commanded not to fear all throughout the Bible.  So when I find myself getting worked up in a complete panic, I remind myself of the promises we are given that the Lord will protect us.  Grant it, sometimes that protection doesn't come in the form we would choose.

I am a visual person.  That's one of the reasons I decided to do the "365 Days of Gratefulness".  Hmmm ... I just realized that this is a leap year, so I suppose I should change that to "366 Days of Thankfulness".   Anyway, I can go back and read what I have to be grateful for.  I learn visually.  I can read instructions a thousand times or have someone show me how to do it once.  So I ask the Lord to show me why I shouldn't fear and how He's covering me with protection.  It seems to be a constant request.  I often find those visual reminders come in the most unexpected ways.

About a month ago we had family pictures made.  Alissa and I talked about ideas for the photo shoot, and I told her I have a quilt a friend made that has been in every family photo we have had made since I've had it.  She immediately popped of with this idea.

 

I remember thinking how sweet that would be, but I had no idea the Lord had an even bigger plan than to just have a sweet picture for me to look at.  This quilt is covered with verses from Psalms.  Every white block contains a verse.

 

Yes, it's a very sweet picture, but when I look at it I see so much more.  We are wrapped up in a quilt that is covered with reminders of just how much I can trust in the Lord.  And while being wrapped in those reminders, I am in the arms of the man the Lord as given me to be my protector, someone I can trust.  Nathan is a tangible reminder of the Lord's protection, and that picture is a visual reminder.

At the end of the song, "Who Am I" by Casting Crowns is a sweet melody that says, "Whom shall I fear, whom shall I fear?  I am Yours."  I find myself singing that melody often.  Not to worry, I sing it in my head and only sing it out loud when no one is around.

Because of who He is and because I belong to Him, I have nothing to fear.

I wonder if I will remember this an hour from now when I'm sitting in the chair at my dentist office.

365 Days of Gratefulness ~ Day 5

Today I am grateful for friendships.  I have said it before and I will say it again ... and again ... I have the best friends a girl could ever ask for.  I am so blessed.  If I were to list all of things they have done for me and my family, the list would go for a country mile.  Some are closer friends than others.  They come in all different ages and stages of life.  They are all very important to me and I love them all very much.  I don't know why they love me so much.  I am not so easy to love at times, yet they are longsuffering with me.  My friendships are one of the greatest blessings the Lord has given me.

I have a close friend who told her daughter, "We don't do that in front of company."  I don't even remember what it was they were talking about, but the daughter's response was, "Mrs. Robin's not company, she's family."  There is no greater compliment a friend can give you.  It still brings tears to my eyes.