tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-79044534932929327882023-12-26T03:40:58.867-06:00Robin's Nest of ThoughtsRobinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08671340115941785508noreply@blogger.comBlogger235125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7904453493292932788.post-10243232698495201522015-07-20T08:16:00.000-05:002015-07-20T09:45:17.627-05:00The Boyd We Knew<style>
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<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">This past week my father-in-law unexpectedly passed away. On Saturday I spoke at his memorial service. I have been asked by several people who were unable to come to the service to post what I wrote.</span><br />
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i><b><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span class="text"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Love is
patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It does not dishonor others, it is not
self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.</span></span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><span class="text">Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the
truth.</span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span class="text">It always
protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.<sup> </sup><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Love never fails. ~ 1 Corinthians 13:4-8</span></span></span></b></i></blockquote>
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span class="text"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">I know
these verses are usually read at weddings.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Charles actually read these when he married Nathan and me 21 years ago
this very month in this sanctuary.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As we
were standing in the receiving line that day just moments after the wedding,
Boyd leaned over and said to me, “I now have another daughter.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That was the first of many times Boyd called
me his daughter, and I loved him as if he were my dad.</span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
</span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span class="text"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">I was 15
when my mom married Don … who to the rest of the world is known as my step-dad,
but to me he is my dad.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had never
really known what it was like to have a dad who loved my unconditionally, who
would protect me and always be there for me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>And I certainly never dreamed that 6 years later He would give me
another man who would also love me as if I were his daughter … he would love me
unconditionally and always be there for me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I am incredibly blessed to have had two dads … neither biological and both
who showed me Jesus in their actions every single day.</span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
</span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span class="text"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">When I
think of Boyd, I think of these verses because they describe who he was
perfectly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Boyd was a man who loved
others well, and he loved his family deeply.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>We were his life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Every year we
would ask him what he wanted for Christmas, and without fail the very first
words out of his mouth were, “More family time.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He wasn’t a man who valued possessions.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He valued time with those he loved the most.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>One of the last conversations he had with
each of kids was he wanted to get us all together on Friday night to grill
burgers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We were all were together last
night, but never did any of us imagine our plans would change from grilling
burgers to grieving the sudden loss of him.</span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
</span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span class="text"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">My
friend Mary asked me a few days ago if I remembered the first time I ever met
Boyd.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I laughed and said, “That’s a
story I’ll never forget!”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Nathan and I
had been dating a little less than a month, and his parents wanted us to go to
dinner with them one night, so we met them at Cracker Barrel.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had already causally met Lynn, but I had
never met Boyd.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Boyd began telling me
how he and Lynn had met.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How they had
only known each other for 10 weeks before getting married.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I remember thinking, “Aw … what a sweet love
story”, and then things quickly took a turn.</span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
</span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span class="text"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">He had
moved on from talking about how they had only known each other 10 weeks when
they married, and the next words I remember coming out of his mouth were,
“That’s back when Lynn and I could still fit in a small bathtub together.”</span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
</span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span class="text"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">And that’s
when I learned two things about Boyd.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>One, He was an open book.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He had
no secrets, and two if he knew anything about you, you had no secrets either
because he was sure to tell them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Boyd
lived an open and honest life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He had
nothing to hide.</span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
</span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span class="text"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">I
learned over the years that the only time Boyd wouldn’t share something was when
he was helping someone.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He wasn’t one to
brag about doing something for someone else.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>In fact, on Tuesday afternoon Nathan received a phone call from an organ
and tissue donor coordinator.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Boyd had
signed up to be a donor, but never told any of us he had done so.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>His last act of kindness was an act that
touched numerous lives.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He freely gave
everything he had to give to help as many people as he could. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That is exactly how Boyd lived his entire
life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Freely giving of himself to help
others.</span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
</span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span class="text"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">I told
Boyd one time if he were a superhero he would be known as “The Meddler”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Boyd had a tendency to meddle in everything,
but he never did so because he wanted to control any of us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He just wanted to make sure we were
okay.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I never ended a phone call with
him or had him walk away from me without him first asking, “Do you need
anything?” or “What can I do to help?”</span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
</span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span class="text"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">He loved
big.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He loved well.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He loved with his entire being.</span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
</span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span class="text"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">So how
do these verses perfectly describe Boyd?</span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
</span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span class="text"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Love is
patient.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you knew Boyd, you know he
never got in a hurry.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Never.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He actually was given a hat one year for
Christmas that said, “I have one speed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Slow.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I never saw him in a rush
or rush anyone else.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I think his patience
shined the brightest when he was dealing with his grandkids.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He never got impatient with them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He never rushed them or made them feel they
were in his way.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He treasured every
moment he was given with them.</span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
</span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span class="text"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">The
other night we were meeting with Brad Horner, and he told us that one thing
about Boyd that stood out to him was how patient he was.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He said he had noticed when he was in Krogers
how Boyd never got impatient with customers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>That’s mostly true … unless you had a large stack of coupons.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He hated coupons, especially if someone was
trying to cheat the system when using them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>One of his biggest pet peeves was if the stack was stapled together.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sometimes if I had a lot of coupons I would
purposefully go through his line just to try to aggravate him, but it never
seemed to work.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He would just smile at
me and say, “Hand them over.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Let’s see
what you’ve got.”</span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
</span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span class="text"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Although
I never saw Boyd get in a hurry, there was that one time … and I am sorry I
missed seeing this in person.</span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
</span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span class="text"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Boyd and
Lynn had taken Brenon, Sara and Hannah to the beach a few years ago.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This was prior to Lynn buying her van, so
they borrowed ours.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Brenon, Sara and
Hannah tell the story like this …</span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
</span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span class="text"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">“Grammy
hit a curb, and one of the hubcaps went rolling down this 5 lane highway.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Thankfully she had come to a complete stop
because all of a sudden, without saying a word, Pa jumps out of the van and
goes running across the highway chasing this rolling hubcap.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Lynn is yelling, “What does he think he’s
doing?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Boyd successfully catches the
hubcap without getting himself run over.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I asked him later what he was thinking.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Why was he risking his life for a hubcap, and he replied, “Because they
were Robin’s hubcaps, and I had been given strict instructions to bring your
van back in one piece.”</span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
</span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span class="text"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Love is
kind.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Boyd was the kindest, gentlest
man.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Kind and gentle are two words that
have been used repeatedly over the past few days to describe him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s simply who he was.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was his nature.</span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
</span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span class="text"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Love does
not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Boyd was a very humble man, who really never saw his value in this
world.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He couldn’t see what an
incredible man he was.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve told him
many times I wish he could see the man we all see.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He was a selfless, kind, gentle, loving
man.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I would tell him this, and he would
simply reply with, “I appreciate you saying that.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I could tell he didn’t believe that about
himself.</span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
</span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span class="text"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">He did
have moments of pride though.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not self-pride
… <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>he was proud of his children and
grandchildren.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you’ve ever had a
conversation with Boyd, at some point in that conversation he’s most likely
talked about one or more of his children and/or grandchildren.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You’ve seen in his eyes the love he had for
them and how proud he was of them.</span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
</span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span class="text"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Love does
not dishonor others.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Boyd treated every
person he met with respect.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Time and
time again I’ve heard how he treated his fellow employees … especially the
young college students at Krogers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They
all say he treated them with respect, kindness and patience.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When we were out eating he would always call
our server by name, and he did the same with the customers coming through his
line at Krogers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Once he learned your
name, he never forgot it.</span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
</span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span class="text"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Love is
not self-seeking.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Boyd never insisted on getting his own
way.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He would always say, “It doesn’t
matter to me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s whatever everyone
else wants.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you pushed him to share
his wishes about something he would eventually tell you, but he always ended it
with, “But it’s whatever everyone else wants.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I’m flexible.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m just happy to
have everyone together.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He wanted our
time to be enjoyable, and he wanted everyone else to be happy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Knowing that the people he loved were happy
and enjoying themselves is what made him happy.</span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
</span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span class="text"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Love is
not easily angered.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It took a lot to
anger Boyd.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If he ever did get angry it
was usually about something someone had done to someone in his family.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But he did have the occasional outburst from
time to time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Because it was so out of
character for him, when we saw it happen it was funny to watch him.</span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
</span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span class="text"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Sara cannot
tell this story without laughing hysterically.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>One day he had gone to Sonic to get drinks, and when he got back to the
house he accidentally dropped Lynn’s drink on the ground.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you know this family, you know we take our
Sonic drinks seriously.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When the drink
fell to the ground, he suddenly kicked the cup as hard as he could across the
yard and said a few choice words.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The
way Sara describes what happened, it probably could have been a commercial for
Sonic drinks, and how they are so good it’s completely devastating to drop one
on the ground.</span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
</span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span class="text"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Love keeps
no record of wrongs.</span></span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Boyd never kept a list.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you wronged him in any way, he would often
forgive you before you ever had a chance to ask for forgiveness.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And if you did ask him to forgive you, he
wiped the slate completely clean.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Life
is too short to hold grudges.” he would say.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
</span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span class="text"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Love
does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.</span></span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Boyd wasn’t perfect; he was human.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>But there was nothing evil about Boyd … he was just the opposite.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He was the most truthful, honest person I
know.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
</span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span class="text"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Love
always protects.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Boyd was definitely a
protector.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He always hovered around us,
often meddling, to make sure we were okay.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>He would have done whatever it took to make sure all of us were
protected.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Even his young Kroger
co-workers talk about how he would look out for them if they had to collect
buggies after dark, and how he would give them life-lesson talks often.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He was such a caring man.</span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
</span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span class="text"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Love always
trusts.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Boyd always tried to believe the
best in people.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He could always see
something good in almost everyone.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If
someone did something that hurt him, he would quickly come to their defense and
start trying to make excuses as to why they had done what they had done.</span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
</span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span class="text"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Love always
hopes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Boyd was a positive person.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He always believed when things were hard they
were soon to get better.</span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
</span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span class="text"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">When I
was paralyzed a few years ago, Boyd was one of my biggest encouragers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Tomorrow will be better, and you know I’m
here if you need anything”, he’d always say.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I told him once he needed a t-shirt that said, “Tomorrow will be better”
because that always seemed to be his motto.</span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
</span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span class="text"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Love always
perseveres.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Boyd was
long-suffering.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If things were tough, he
was going to stick it out with you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He would
do his best to make things better, but when he couldn’t, he still never left.</span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
</span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span class="text"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">When my
mom passed away 3 years ago, Lynn and Boyd stayed during the entire
visitation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Quietly sitting there for
several hours.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I cannot tell you the
comfort it gave me to look out and see them there.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They couldn’t make it better, but they were
there hurting with me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Boyd would
occasional come up and remind me they were still there in case I needed
anything.</span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
</span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span class="text"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">My
pregnancy with Hannah was tough, and I was hospitalized several times for
dehydration.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>One morning around 7:30, on
his way to work, Boyd showed up with flowers for me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They were pink.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He said to me, “I brought you pink flowers
not because you are having a girl, but because I know it’s your favorite
color.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I hope they brighten your day
just a little bit, and it will remind you I love you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Can I get you anything else?”</span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
</span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span class="text"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Love
never fails.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Boyd’s love was never
ending.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was unconditional and freely
given.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He didn’t expect anything back in
return, and would often love with the risk of getting hurt.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But he loved people.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He cared deeply for others.</span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
</span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span class="text"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Boyd was
a rare jewel, and we were blessed to have been loved by him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He was an incredible man who had the capacity
to love far beyond what many of us are capable.</span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
</span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span class="text"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Last
Christmas Sondra and I begged him to get text messaging.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Somehow we finally convinced him it would be
a good thing for him to do.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sara spent
most of Christmas day trying to teach him how to text, and I think out of all
of us he texted Sara and Hannah the most.</span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
</span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span class="text"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">He used “lol”
in a text to Sara one day, so she asked him what lol meant.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He replied back with, “Love one lots”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In his mind what else could it possibly mean
when texting your granddaughter.</span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
</span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span class="text"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">In
October we took a family trip to the beach.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>One morning I had gone down to the beach to sit and just watch the
waves, and shortly after getting settled in Boyd joined me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We were alone for a couple of hours just
talking.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I thanked him for planning a
trip to the beach for all us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s one
of my favorite places, and I hadn’t been able to go since before getting sick.</span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
</span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span class="text"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">I told
him I was convinced there would be beaches in Heaven, and they would be even
more beautiful and peaceful than what we were experiencing that morning.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We talked a bit more about what a beautiful
morning it was.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The weather was perfect
… the beach wasn’t crowded.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But talking
about the weather never lasted long between Boyd and I.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had a unique relationship with him, and we
could get into some deep life conversations.</span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
</span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span class="text"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">I looked
over at him and said … “Boyd, you know how I have been on to you and Lynn about
making sure you have everything in order since my mom died?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Well, I need to ask you something, and I need
you to be completely honest with me.”</span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
</span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span class="text"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">He
promised me he would be, and reminded me there wasn’t anything he and I
couldn’t talk about.</span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
</span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span class="text"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">“I need
to know if you are ready to go?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Are you
really ready to go?”</span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
</span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span class="text"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">He said,
“Honey, are you asking me what I think you are asking me?”</span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
</span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span class="text"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">“Yes, I
am, and I need to know.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I need you to be
honest with me and tell me are you ready?”</span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
</span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span class="text"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">He said,
“I am.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am ready to go.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When I go I am going to Heaven.”</span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
</span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span class="text"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">I had no
idea 9 months later he would pass away without any warning, but I am so
grateful I asked him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I cannot imagine
going through this without knowing.</span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
</span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span class="text"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Grieving
is not easy, but grieving without hope would be devastating.</span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
</span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span class="text"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">When we were
looking at memorial cards the other day trying to pick one out, Nathan did not
want the cemetery to be referred to as his “final resting place” because that
is not his final resting place.</span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
</span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span class="text"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Because
Boyd placed his hope in Jesus, His final resting place is Heaven.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And one day, those of us who have also placed
our hope in Jesus, we will see him again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>There will be no need for him to ask us for more family time because we will
spend eternity together.</span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
</span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span class="text"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">I ask
that you please pray for our family.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Our
hearts are broken.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Our lives are forever
changed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have to admit I don’t
understand.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t understand why God
took Boyd.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He was a man who made your
life richer just by knowing him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There
are so many other people that are causing harm to others He could have
taken.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am trying not to be angry.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know Boyd wouldn’t want that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But it’s hard.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know in the depths of my heart God is
sovereign.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know that even though this
was a complete shock to us, this didn’t take God by surprise.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>His days were already numbered before the
foundation of the earth.</span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
</span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span class="text"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">I miss
him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I miss his laugh.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I miss his sweet smile.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I even miss his meddling.</span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">
</span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span class="text"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">If ever
there were a man who heard the words, “well done”, it was Boyd.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He wasn’t a perfect man, but as Nathan put it
the other night, he was perfect for us.</span></span></span><br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
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Robinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08671340115941785508noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7904453493292932788.post-20639911116140371452015-01-06T13:24:00.002-06:002015-01-06T13:24:51.972-06:00He's Doing A New Thing<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i><b><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span class="text Isa-43-18" id="en-ESV-18524">“Remember not the former things,</span><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Isa-43-18">nor consider the things of old.</span></span><span class="text Isa-43-19" id="en-ESV-18525"><sup class="versenum"> </sup>Behold, I am doing a new thing;</span><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Isa-43-19">now it springs forth, do you not perceive it?</span></span><span class="text Isa-43-19"> I will make a way in the wilderness</span></span></b></i><span class="indent-1"><i><b><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span></span></b></i><span class="text Isa-43-19"><i><b><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">and rivers in the desert." ~ Isaiah 43:18-19</span></b></i></span></span></blockquote>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I think it's only natural that as one year comes to an end and another one begins to think back over the past year. Honestly, I'm glad to see 2014 come to an end. It's definitely been one of the harder years of my life. It was the year I learned what spiritual warfare truly is. It's one thing to read about it or hear sermons about it, but to live through it is life changing. I learned that Christians can hurt each other deeper than anyone else because we have much higher expectations of other Christians. It was the year I had to say goodbye to my beloved pastor and his wife. The year I learned homeschooling is super hard, and I'm far less equipped than I could have ever imagined. The year I dug deep and began to really deal with my mom's death. The year I learned I am a people pleaser, and it tears me to pieces to not live up to others expectations. It was a year I felt completely alone at times. Completely alone. Many times. I learned that I am far more invested in some friendships than the other person. It was the year I was diagnosed with diabetes, and my baseline pain level rose to a 7. It was the year my dear friend was diagnosed with leukemia, and I've watched her suffer far more than any person should ever have to suffer. When the year had just begun, one of my best friend's brother had a massive stroke. I've watched his family surround him and love him in ways every family should, and their hearts aching for the day he can return home. It was the year I wrote <a href="http://robinsnestofthoughts.blogspot.com/2014/08/my-own-struggle-with-suicidal-ideations.html">this</a> post about how I've struggled with suicidal ideations most of my life. A post that caused me to loose a few friends. I was even called crazy by one of those friends.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">It's been an incredibly hard year. A year full of lots of tears and many sleepless nights. But in the midst of days I truly didn't know if I'd survive, the Lord was faithful to show me that even though I felt very unloved by the world at times, He loves me unconditionally and completely. Even when there were times I doubted His love for me.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Looking back over the past year is painful, but I realize how much I have grown spiritually. Praise the Lord I'm not the same person I was at the beginning of 2014, and I am praying I grow even more this coming year. I just hope the growth is less painful.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">This coming year I want to grow closer to Jesus. I want to learn more about Him. I want to focus more on what His Word says about me, and less on what others think of me. I tell my girls all the time their identity is in the One who hung on a cross and died for their sins, and it's not wrapped up in what others say and think about them. But I realized this year that I do just that. I put so much weight on what others think, and not in what His Word says about me. I can't control what others think and believe about me, and it's hurtful when they believe things that are untrue. The only absolute TRUTH in the world is God's WORD, and I need to put my focus there. The Word says my identity is in Christ. I am His, and He is mine. Nothing can change that. Nothing.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I want to be a better friend. I have been deeply hurt by a few friends this year, and I don't want to be like them. I want to be an encourager. I want to show up when my friends need me, and I want callouses on my knees from praying for them. I want to love them at all times, even when I don't like or agree with their behavior. I want to be a friend that points them to Jesus.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I want to be a better mother. I have failed my girls so many times over the years. I want to be there for them more, and really hear their hearts. I need to be intentional about praying over them and with them. I need to be a better example to them, and show them Jesus is who they need to cling to in all circumstances. I want them to know I love them unconditionally, and nothing they do or say will ever change my love for them. I also want them to know that as much as I love them, Jesus loves them infinitely more.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I want to be a better wife. Nathan and I have been married for 20 years, and I love him more and more every day. In those 20 years we have been through some rough times, but by the grace of God we survived ... together. I want our marriage to grow this year, and I want us to end 2015 much closer than we began. I want the Lord to show me how to be the wife I need to be for him.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I want to be a better servant for Him. I want to serve where He wants me, and not where I think I need to serve. I am praying He makes my path more and more clear every day. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I am more hopeful than I have been in a very long time. My heart is still tender and raw due to past hurts, but Jesus can use tender and raw hearts. I want Him to use what I have learned this past year. I want Him to use me to show others His grace, mercy and love.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">He is doing a new thing in me, and I'm excited to see how He uses me this coming year! </span> Robinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08671340115941785508noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7904453493292932788.post-67122365944486164862014-11-15T17:11:00.000-06:002014-11-15T17:11:39.092-06:00Family Beach Photos<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Last month we went to the beach with Nathan's parents and sister. My father-in-law also told the girls they could each invite a friend. I must say, Abby and Serena were the two perfect friends to invite. They were so sweet and respectful ... and fun!</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Sara and Abby were only able to stay with a for just a few days. Their Fall Break was only a couple of days, so they came for an extended weekend trip. Abby has started doing photography, so she asked if she could do our pictures while there. I am a bit obsessed with pictures, so I was all about having Abby take them.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">We were Abby's first family shoot, and I think she did a great job. I just wanted to share a sampling of what she did for us.</span><br />
<br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Oh, how I love these girls!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Oh, SARA!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">The perfect jump shot!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">We have laughed so much at this picture!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Hannah is always goofing off. Ginger, our friend who normally does our family photos, can tell you how long a photo shoot takes with us because the girls can not be serious for very long.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Boyd and Lynn will be celebrating their 43rd wedding anniversary next month!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I love sunset pictures at the beach! Such a beautiful reminder of God's faithfulness.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Brenon hates having her picture made, but we made her anyway.</span> </div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Serena is so, so funny. She kept us laughing all week. She is such a precious girl.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I had a random lady on the beach take a group shot of all of us.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Love, love these girls!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">My three favorite people in the entire world!</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjCVogLnFuRCL-qDZSSTBNyitMhr7_GV7mUY6QGiztn3pYlkwiR2-eJRTOv-cPfPM-vYPfbXL95l9yzvr5_hznh1d6p0f0wkuQQKIzrEx77KqSkFvzK5QfdoifkKSlJfE6hO7jIk68pHWh/s1600/IMG_8333.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjCVogLnFuRCL-qDZSSTBNyitMhr7_GV7mUY6QGiztn3pYlkwiR2-eJRTOv-cPfPM-vYPfbXL95l9yzvr5_hznh1d6p0f0wkuQQKIzrEx77KqSkFvzK5QfdoifkKSlJfE6hO7jIk68pHWh/s1600/IMG_8333.jpg" height="320" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I am so incredibly grateful Sara and Hannah have a daddy who loves them unconditionally. A daddy who they can trust and depend upon. A daddy who points them to Jesus, and gives them such a wonderful example of how their Heavenly Father loves them. He's a great daddy.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Abby is such a sweetheart, and I love Sara and Abby's friendship. In so many ways they are so different, but they celebrate those difference in each other. And the sass these two can dish! It's always so fun to spend time with these two.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I have hundreds of random goofy pictures of these two I took during the week.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">This was my first trip to the beach since I became sick. Walking in sand with CIDP is so hard! There were several times I almost fell, and by the time I made it to our chairs every day I was completely exhausted. But it was so worth it. I love the beach. If I wasn't sitting on the beach, I was sitting on the balcony looking at the beach. I am praying I don't have to wait so long before going back again.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Abby has a website she has started. Be sure to check her out at <a href="http://www.foggy-cabin-photography.com/">http://www.foggy-cabin-photography.com/</a>. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Thank you so much, Abby, for taking our photos. You did a fabulous job! </span>Robinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08671340115941785508noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7904453493292932788.post-64790379136879605252014-09-17T11:09:00.000-05:002014-09-17T11:09:34.463-05:00Draw Me Near Lord<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I've made it no secret the past several months have been incredibly hard. There are some hard, life-altering things happening in my life. Other than Nathan, there are only a couple of really close friends who know everything, but I promise, if you knew all you would wonder how I'm even sane.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">It's only because of Jesus, and His grace and mercy I am able to put one foot in front of the other ... figuratively and literally. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Actually, I'm learning there are people who believe I'm not. Seems there are some who have a lot to say, but instead of saying it to me they've chosen to say it to others. It just adds to the heartbreak.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I have taught my girls their identity is in Christ. The One who died for their sins. It's not wrapped up in what others say or believe about you. I've taught them that, and yet, I'm discovering I'm having to really search my heart to find out if I truly believe what I have taught them.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I do.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">But it's so hard not to buy into the "I need to be liked and loved by everyone" syndrome. The reality is, it's not possible to be liked and loved by everyone.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">And it really only matters that we are loved by Jesus.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Loved unconditionally. A love that never, ever let's go.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I have found myself at a point many times over the past couple of weeks of not even knowing how to pray. I"m tired, and formulating words is hard at times.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">The past couple of weeks this song has been playing over and over in my heart and my head. Sometimes when I lie down I play it on repeat.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b>"Draw Me Nearer"</b></span>
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
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<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
For your nearness Lord I hunger<br />
For your nearness Lord I wait<br />
<b>Hold me ever closer Father<br />
Such a love I can't escape</b></span>
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<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
<b>For your nearness I am hoping<br />
For your nearness Lord I long<br />
Have no need of any other</b><br />
I have found where I belong<br />
Yes, I have found where I belong</span>
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<div style="margin-left: 10px; margin-right: 10px;">
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
So draw me nearer Lord<br />
<b>Never let me go<br />
Closer to your heart</b><br />
Draw me nearer Lord<br />
Draw me nearer Lord</span>
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"></span> </div>
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<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
<b>In your nearness there is healing<br />
What was broken now made whole<br />
Restoration in it's fullness<br />
Lasting hope for all who come</b></span>
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"></span> </div>
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<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
In your nearness I take shelter<br />
Where you are is where I'm home<br />
I have need of only one thing<br />
To be here before your throne<br />
To be here before you throne</span>
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"></span> </div>
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<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
So draw me nearer Lord<br />
<b>Never let me go<br />
Closer to your heart</b><br />
Draw me nearer Lord</span>
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
So draw me nearer Lord<br />
<b>Never let me go</b><br />
Closer to your heart<br />
Draw me nearer Lord<br />
Draw me nearer Lord</span>
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
<b>And keep me here, keep me here<br />
There's nowhere else I rather be</b><br />
So keep me here, keep me here<br />
There's nowhere else I rather be<br />
There's nowhere else I rather be</span>
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"></span> </div>
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<div style="margin-left: 10px; margin-right: 10px;">
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
So draw me nearer Lord<br />
<b>Never let me go<br />
Closer to your heart</b><br />
Draw me nearer Lord<br />
Draw me nearer Lord<br />
Draw me nearer my Lord
</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I don't understand everything that is happening. I hate most of it. But I know God is sovereign even over the darkest of days. I know nothing happens in my life without Him having a purpose for it.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">And that does bring me comfort. I just have to keep being reminded of truth. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Friday is my Mom's birthday. She's been on my heart a lot more than usual this week, and she's never far from my thoughts. This will be the third birthday she's spent in Heaven. I'm grateful I know she's with Jesus. I cannot even express what a comfort it is to know that.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">But it still hurts not having her with me. I miss my daily phone call ... sometimes multiple calls in one day. I miss her unsolicited advice, and her asking me every day if my laundry is caught up.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">No, it's not. Not even close.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I just keep wondering, "When does this get easier?"</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">And then I have to remind myself she is as near to the Lord as you can get.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">One of the things I long for is the day I can climb up in Jesus' lap and Him hold me close. When I think of what is the most comforting thing to me, sitting in the lap of Jesus would be my happy spot.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Physically, I can't do that yet, but spiritually I have the opportunity to stay there. I never have to climb down and let someone else have their turn. I can stay there and here Him say to me,</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b><i>But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 2 Corinthians 12:9</i></b></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I could really use your prayers this week. </span></div>
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Robinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08671340115941785508noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7904453493292932788.post-74841850078444883372014-09-15T02:51:00.002-05:002014-09-15T02:51:33.826-05:00Happy 19th Birthday, Sara!!<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">This sweet baby girl is 19 today.</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8yc9iIe0vvCfi9Mgk51G3fOlFFo9snA1_FxD2JJXqNtmgPBCotcr9O555Af3UfgYlvsr5bybW3hR6EJiYdkYxQbrfVdwGfcCi19wKmtdrGgtC_f4BdtCN4wpOznjRlFwPa65xhGUFShJY/s1600/Sara6monthsx2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8yc9iIe0vvCfi9Mgk51G3fOlFFo9snA1_FxD2JJXqNtmgPBCotcr9O555Af3UfgYlvsr5bybW3hR6EJiYdkYxQbrfVdwGfcCi19wKmtdrGgtC_f4BdtCN4wpOznjRlFwPa65xhGUFShJY/s1600/Sara6monthsx2.jpg" height="400" width="283" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">NINETEEN! </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I remember people telling me to savor every moment warning me time would go by in the blink of an eye. They weren't kidding.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">It seems like yesterday she was born. It's hard to believe how many "firsts" we have experienced with her. She was our first born. I remember the first time I saw her over the curtain in the operating room. Four hours later I finally was able to hold her for the first time. I remember the first time I fed her and changed her diaper. Her first bath when she pooped on me for revenge when I lifted her out of the water. The first time she slept through the night I felt like a new person. Her first smile made my heart leap, and her first laugh out loud made tear up. There was the first time she rolled over, the first time she sat alone and the first day she crawled. The first morning I walked into her room to find her standing in her crib all smiles and giggles. Her first word was a delight to our ears. Her first steps we cheered. Her first birthday came all too soon.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Before we knew it, she was experiencing her first day of preschool. And the first day of kindergarten where I embarrassed her because I cried. Her first day of high school I was more fearful than she was, but not near as fearful as her first day of college.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">So, now we enter the first day of the last year of her teenage years, and I'm finding myself full of mixed emotions. Mostly, I'm grateful. Grateful she's my daughter, but mostly grateful she's a daughter of the King.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">This past year we have watched Sara mature way beyond her years. Our little girl has become a precious young woman. We've watched her compassion for others grow, and the love for her Savior become deeper.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">And we are grateful.</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgiJrMhOYkHOCypjH8sqcjiox59eOiOCBoAbnKUUSnMhGCEVsJ7lwR3Y0g4Yrk5AF3Q4Ma5rdbd7g_aRhk_O-Sxg87ahUhAMLDMlKxjHmeaS1MmdbOFbpGmAkdS27UWsB_xAyv_3jzHt5hs/s1600/NIK_4196_edited-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgiJrMhOYkHOCypjH8sqcjiox59eOiOCBoAbnKUUSnMhGCEVsJ7lwR3Y0g4Yrk5AF3Q4Ma5rdbd7g_aRhk_O-Sxg87ahUhAMLDMlKxjHmeaS1MmdbOFbpGmAkdS27UWsB_xAyv_3jzHt5hs/s1600/NIK_4196_edited-1.jpg" height="400" width="266" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Sara is now a sophomore in college. She was just hired a few weeks ago to work on staff at Cookeville Pregnancy Clinic where she is surrounded by Christian women of all ages. She was asked this year to join the ministry team for RUF (Reformed University Fellowship).</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">And we are incredibly grateful. Grateful the Lord holds her close and continues to soften her heart toward others. Grateful that she deeply desires for those around her to know Jesus, and for her own love and knowledge of Him to increase.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">We are so blessed to have her in our lives. I could write a book about how much I love Sara and how proud I am of her, but Hannah and I thought it might be fun to do something a bit different. We sat down and I asked Hannah nineteen questions about her big sister. I'm still laughing at her answers, and still teary over how sweet and precious some of her answers were.</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSz46pL4qLqgL5zHczYM6MXtPLFC8BpYm7v2Zaf_eq3wdQ_kIoP-IOG51fWycpmztSdW3bm8Wm7FJMeWn-Nbq3z8heUDSrrdxH6zetcKVsMFCWhx8habLUIE2pgXHppiRDx28vUfmWAE_t/s1600/NIK_4579_edited-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSz46pL4qLqgL5zHczYM6MXtPLFC8BpYm7v2Zaf_eq3wdQ_kIoP-IOG51fWycpmztSdW3bm8Wm7FJMeWn-Nbq3z8heUDSrrdxH6zetcKVsMFCWhx8habLUIE2pgXHppiRDx28vUfmWAE_t/s1600/NIK_4579_edited-1.jpg" height="400" width="261" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">So, I asked Hannah ....</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">1. Describe Sara to me. <i><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">She is a true blonde at heart, efficient, compassionate, a protector and photogenic (a.k.a. a camera hog).</span></i></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">2. Describe your sisterhood. <span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><i>For Sara it's what yours is mine, and what's mine is <b>MINE</b>.</i></span></span></span><i></i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><i><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"></span></i> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><i><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"></span></i>3. What is your favorite thing about Sara? <i><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">She provides me with many opportunities for new jokes.</span></i></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">4. What is your biggest pet peeve about Sara? <span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><i>Refer to my answer in number 2.</i></span></span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">5. What is the greatest thing Sara has ever done for you?<i> <span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">She always puts me first, and she's overprotective of me.</span></i></span></span></span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">6. What do you think is Sara's favorite thing to do is? <span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><i>Plan her future marriage to Judah Akers from Judah and the Lion.</i></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">7. What does Sara want to be when she grows up? <i><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Well, if she marries someone poor and she has to work, she wants to be some sort of social worker. If she marries someone rich then she'll be a shopaholic.</span></i></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">8. What would you say Sara's motto is? <i><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Work hard, play hard, nap hard.</span></i></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">9. What is the funniest thing Sara has ever said? <span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><i>"If you put too much salt in the water it will dry it up.</i></span></span></span><i><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">"</span></i></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">10. What is the craziest thing she's ever done? <i><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">She tried to put me in the dryer when I was a baby and tried kill me. </span></i><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">(For the record, Hannah had the colic 24/7 the first 4 months of her life. Sara overheard someone telling me to put her on the dryer because the vibration might help soothe her. Sara thought they said in the dryer, so I walked in the room while Sara had Hannah around the neck trying to put her in the dryer because Hannah was making her ears hurt. I was literally out of the room less than 2 minutes when this happened.)</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">11. What is your favorite Sara quote? <i><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">"My family should really count their blessings. I've cooked dinner two nights in a row and I've not caused anyone to die yet."</span></i></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">12. What is your best memory of her? <span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><i>Anytime we have sister time.</i></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjXtImF8HWHF1H0Ab9q9kTwASt3mIVJR3YDxP4ruG8cpdI6nYtbfrDZod72GrAJXZlpVyv66b0TzNAXXtskfW359gwXdvVVH19eQhll_1i_iJM1lZ2GvDu0dqFaBVoKvqrcPcjlHJbInBE3/s1600/sara13.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjXtImF8HWHF1H0Ab9q9kTwASt3mIVJR3YDxP4ruG8cpdI6nYtbfrDZod72GrAJXZlpVyv66b0TzNAXXtskfW359gwXdvVVH19eQhll_1i_iJM1lZ2GvDu0dqFaBVoKvqrcPcjlHJbInBE3/s1600/sara13.jpg" height="273" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">13. Is she a good sister? <i><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Depends on her mood.</span></i></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">14. Are you ready for her to move out? <i><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">YES!! </span></i><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Will you miss her? <i><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">She'll be back when she's hungry.</span></i></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">15. Will she make someone a good wife one day? <i><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">I pray her future spouse can go days without eating or is rich enough to afford eating out every day.</span></i></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">16. People are always asking both of you who is the oldest. How does this make you feel? <i><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">She must act pretty childish, huh?</span></i></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">17. Is there anything about Sara you would change? <i><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">No, because I wouldn't want her to become the favorite daughter.</span></i></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">18. What is the sweetest thing Sara has ever said to you? <i><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">"When I move out will you move out with me? I can't live without you."</span></i></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">19. As the oldest, Sara is supposed to be setting an example for you. How do you think she's doing? <i><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">I would love to be just like her.</span></i></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">From the moment Hannah was born, Sara referred to her as her baby. Another child tried to touch Hannah while we were still in the hospital, and that was the beginning of Sara being protective of her little sister. Don't get me wrong. They fight like cats and dogs sometimes. They've hit each other, scream at one another and call each other names. They are sisters, after all.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">But I have loved watching them grow into being friends as they get older. I tell them I am praying that they would just at least like each other when they get older. I'm actually praying they are best friends as adults. I pray they are all always close.</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiuoGR6Edx74aZExgCuTU4QxxYqqGfN5K1ulj4K7O0xx9fPmFgkhEWM3QOwI5yMkf-m0yOOrqeC9C9d1C3yJP6FMmUDP9BcTHiTqSFBrz0RGYH6W3yrRHaXCsgXES8HKlngfH8eBwPKx3TU/s1600/IMG_8592.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiuoGR6Edx74aZExgCuTU4QxxYqqGfN5K1ulj4K7O0xx9fPmFgkhEWM3QOwI5yMkf-m0yOOrqeC9C9d1C3yJP6FMmUDP9BcTHiTqSFBrz0RGYH6W3yrRHaXCsgXES8HKlngfH8eBwPKx3TU/s1600/IMG_8592.JPG" height="266" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">Hannah may have answered these questions like a true little sister, but I've watched Hannah plan for weeks what she was going to buy Sara for her birthday. The saved money she earned from babysitting jobs and the time and effort she put into Sara's gift was so precious. Sara was super excited about everything in her bag, and when she had time to stop and think about what all her sister had done, her sister's efforts meant more than the contents of the bag.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">Those Judah and the Lion tickets are a close second though.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">Happy Birthday, Sara Bear! I'm in disbelief you are nineteen today. I know we tease you ... a lot, but we are so proud of you. I pray this coming year you grow deeper in your love for Jesus and you learn to show that love to others even more than you already do.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">You are so very loved. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><i><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"> </span></i></span></span><i><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"> </span></i></span></span><i><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"> </span></i></span></span><i><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"> </span></i></span></span><i><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"> </span></i></span></span><i><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"> </span></i></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><i><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"> </span></i></span><i> </i></span><i><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"> </span></i></span></span></span></span> </span>Robinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08671340115941785508noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7904453493292932788.post-78982106672426596652014-09-04T14:13:00.001-05:002014-09-04T14:13:40.878-05:00Brokeness, Friendships, LIGHT and a Mosaic of Redemption<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I'm in a funk. A very dark funk. I've been doing everything I know to do to climb out, but I honestly just don't even have the energy to climb.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">My friend Kathy called me yesterday, and during our conversation I told her, "I feel like I'm in a deep, dark hole that I can't climb out of."</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Her response, "Then I will climb in the hole with you and help push you out."</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I don't think Kathy has any idea what those words meant to me. After we hung up I laid down to try to take a nap, and I started thinking through all she said to me during our 35 minute conversation.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Kathy and I have been friends for 24 years. There was about a 12 year gap where we lost touch. We both married and had children, and through the busyness of life we lost touch. We reconnected when my family started attending the church we attend now, and we literally picked up where we left off.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I love Kathy. I don't easily call someone my friend, but I consider Kathy one of my most treasured friends. I think we tend to overuse that word. We call people "friends" on Facebook, and let's be honest. Most of those "friends" are really just acquaintances. How many of them could you call if you needed them? How many of them would you trust your heart to? I have 793 Facebook friends at the moment, but the number of them I would call if I needed help is no where near that number.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">For me to call someone a friend I have to trust them. And I just don't easily give out trust. My husband is the type of person who will trust someone until they prove to be untrustworthy. You know how we are supposed to believe the best about one another? Well, my husband does this very well. I am just the opposite. I don't trust someone until they have proven themselves trustworthy, and I'm not the greatest in believing the best of people. I'm working on that, and I'm better at it than I used to be. However, I still have a long way to go in that area.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><i><b><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">A friend loves at all times ... ~ Proverbs 17:17</span></b></i></span></blockquote>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">A friend, a true friend, is someone who loves you unconditionally. Someone who you count on to be there when you need them, but someone who also counts on you to be there when they need you. Friendship is a two-way street folks. You also have to be trustworthy and love unconditionally. I do believe there are different levels of friendship. There are, in the words of a 12 year-old, our best, best friends. And then there are friends who we aren't as close to.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I consider Kathy to be one of my closest friends. One of the things I love most about our friendship is how completely, sometimes brutally, honest we are with each other. We know each other's hearts. We know we each love the other unconditionally, and our desire for each other is for us to grow in our love for the Lord, to know and understand the TRUTH about God's word and show that love to those around us. That truly is the foundation of our friendship.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">A friend loves at all times, and sometimes love doesn't come in a nice, pretty package with a beautiful bow on top. Sometimes love means confronting each other with the truth. More often than not, the truth can sting.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Especially when your heart is believing lies.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Kathy prefaced what she had to say to me with, "You know I love you, and you know my heart. BUT ..."</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">If she had been sitting in front of me she would have seen my eyes roll as I thought, "Here we go. She's going to fuss at me and tell me all the things I'm doing wrong."</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">That's not exactly what happened though.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Instead she listened. She listened to me as I shared my broken heart with her. She didn't judge. She didn't fuss. She listened.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">"I'm sorry your hurting. What can I do to help? I want to help you." She probably said those words a dozen times.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Kathy also very gently started combating the lies going through my head.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">"I'm worthless. God can't use me.", I told her.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">"But He has, and He is using you." And then she gave me examples.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">And then she told me she would climb in the dark hole with me and push me out.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">So often we claim to be someone's friend, but when push comes to shove that's not really the case. We want to be friends with the one who makes us laugh. We want to be friends with someone who is happy and loving life. Those "friendships" are easy.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">But are they really friendships?</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Most of us have someone like that in our lives. Someone we love to be around because they make us laugh and feel good. But if your hurting ... your heart is broken ... is that the person you would call and know they would love you unconditionally? Or would they just try to joke about your circumstances and try to make you laugh? So often we do this because pain makes us uncomfortable, and we don't really know what to do with broken hearts. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">It's not easy to walk along side of someone who is hurting. It can be tiresome, and can even make you feel weary yourself. But that's what a true friend does.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">And they climb in the hole with you and push your out when your too weak to climb.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Nothing about my conversation with Kathy "fixed" my broken heart. It still hurts. I'm still weary and the world still seems awfully dark to me.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">But when satan tries to tell me, "No one cares. No one loves you." I can lament on my conversation with Kathy.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Ultimately what Kathy said in those 35 minutes was, "I love you, and more importantly your Heavenly Father loves you." I know she's praying for me, and that makes my burden just a little bit lighter.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I keep thinking about what my friend Connie said to me on Saturday, "Whispers are so loud in the dark."</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Satan keeps whispering lies in my ear, and because I'm in a dark hole they keep echoing in my heart. So, I'm having to be purposeful in shining a light, THE LIGHT of all lights, into this dark hole. I keep reading scripture, and I've re-read sermon notes.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">In reading sermon notes this is what I discovered ...</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Highlighted in pink and underline twenty times, "Are ready to go, but are you willing to stay?"</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">My former pastor Caleb probably said this half a dozen times in different sermons. Kathy asked me yesterday, "Are you safe?"</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I am. I'm hurting, and I'm longing for heaven. I would love nothing more than for Jesus to come back today. I'm not going to lie. Thoughts of wishing I were dead instead of hurting so much have crossed my mind, but they've only been fleeting thoughts.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I have two daughters that need me, even in the broken mess I am in right now. This is temporary. I don't know how temporary, but like Paul says ...</span><br />
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><i><b><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><sup class="versenum"> </sup>For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory, ~ 2 Corinthians 4:17</span></b></i></span></blockquote>
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Connie has taught a ladies' retreat titled, "The Beauty of Brokenness". She talks about how God takes all the broken pieces of our lives and makes a beautiful mosaic out of them.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">A mosaic that is such a beautiful picture of His grace, mercy and love. A beautiful picture of His redemptive story.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">That is my hope. That one day God will take my brokenness and make a beautiful mosaic, and when people look at it all they see is His grace, mercy and love.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">His redeeming love.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">The world seems very dark to me right now, but I know where to find the Light.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">He's actually with me always. Never leaving me and never forsaking me. I just need to remember to grab onto Him.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">And I'm grateful for friends who point me to that Light. Friends that are willing to climb in the darkness and push me out.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Pushing me out with TRUTH. The truth about my Heavenly Father who loves me unconditionally.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">The TRUTH about my Redeemer. </span><br />
Robinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08671340115941785508noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7904453493292932788.post-62327163225735910232014-09-01T09:30:00.000-05:002014-09-01T09:30:08.102-05:00Afraid of Darkness<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span class="text Lam-3-22" id="en-ESV-20377"></span><br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<div class="poetry top-1">
<div class="line">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b><i><span class="text Lam-3-22" id="en-ESV-20377">The steadfast love of the <span class="small-caps" style="font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span> never ceases;</span><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Lam-3-22">his mercies never come to an end;</span></span><span class="text Lam-3-23" id="en-ESV-20378"><sup class="versenum"> </sup>they are new every morning;</span><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Lam-3-23">great is your faithfulness.</span></span><span class="text Lam-3-24" id="en-ESV-20379"><sup class="versenum"> </sup>“The <span class="small-caps" style="font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span> is my portion,” says my soul,</span><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Lam-3-24">“therefore I will hope in him.” ~ Lamentations 3:22-24</span></span></i></b></span></div>
</div>
</blockquote>
</blockquote>
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">These verses have been on my heart all morning. Over and over I have said to myself, "His mercies are new every morning. He is faithful. My hope is in the Lord."</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I'm having to repeatedly remind myself of this because the past few days have been very dark. Darkness has crept in and grabbed a hold of my heart, and it has become really hard to see truth. I'm afraid of the darkness.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Satan is whispering a lot of lies to me, and it's becoming really hard to discern between what is truth and what is a lie.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Connie said to me the other day, "Whispers can be so loud." When things are dark, whispers are so much louder and harder to ignore.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">They become all I hear.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">"You are worthless."</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">"No one really cares about you."</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">"You ruin everything you touch. God can never use you."</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">"Everyone hates you."</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">"No one would even notice if you weren't here anymore."</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">"You are in everyone's way."</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Then satan likes to remind me of things that have happened to help make his point. He reminds me of things people have said in the past. He reminds me of things people have done to hurt me, and of all those times I've messed up.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">It becomes harder and harder to fight him, and the more tired I become the harder it becomes to combat what he's saying. Before long, satan starts making sense.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">It's a scary place to be, and honestly, it's where I am right now.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I am broken. My heart is completely shattered. I'm at a point of desperation. I just want the pain to stop.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">The physical pain my body feels, and emotional pain my heart doesn't know how to handle.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I'm trying really hard to remind myself of what is truth, but satan is really good at making me believe him. I have to keep reminding myself he is a master deceiver.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">It's so hard to fight him. My flesh is weak. I'm tired. Very tired.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I know my strength comes from the Lord. I know I can only fight satan with the truth of God's word, so I start repeating it over and over.</span><br />
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<div class="bible-item-text">
<i><b><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">You are from God, little children, and have overcome them; because greater is He who is in you than he who is in the world. ~ I John 4:4</span></b></i><i><b><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"></span></b></i><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span></div>
</blockquote>
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I've always been afraid of the dark. It's in the dark we are the most vulnerable. When I was a child my mom always left a light on at night. Even if my bedroom door was closed, I could at least see the light shining from the crack at the bottom of the door. The darkness wasn't so scary when that little bit of light was shinning through. Life is dark right now. It's so dark I can't see my hand in front of my face. I can't see to even stay on a straight path, but I know in this darkness the light can only come from the Lord.</span><br />
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<b><i><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Your word is a lamp to my feet And a light to my path. ~ Psalm 119:105</span></i></b></blockquote>
</blockquote>
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I have to keep reminding myself God is faithful. He will never leave me or forsake me. He hasn't forgotten me. I may <span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><i>feel</i></span> all alone right now, but that feeling is a lie. He is with me always.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">And in Him there is no darkness.</span><br />
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><i><b><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Even the darkness is not dark to You, And the night is as bright as the day. Darkness and light are alike to You. ~ Psa<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">lm 139:12</span></span></b></i></span></blockquote>
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">His mercies are new every morning. He is faithful. My hope is in the Lord.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">This is truth. His truth is light, so there is no need to be afraid of the dark.</span><br />
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i><b><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">You drew near when I called on You; You said, “Do not fear!” ~ Lamentations 3:57</span></b></i></blockquote>
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i><b><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not anxiously
look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will
help you, Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand. ~ Isaiah 41:10</span></b></i></blockquote>
Robinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08671340115941785508noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7904453493292932788.post-20256956029263098332014-08-20T10:30:00.000-05:002014-08-20T10:30:50.200-05:00It's Worth the Risk to Share Your Story<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I have spent the past few days sorting though many emails and private messages on Facebook. I had no idea my last blog post would get the response it got. I expected judgment. I expected people's view of me to change. I prepared myself for that. Or rather I should say, God prepared my heart for that. But what I wasn't prepared for was just how many people have shown me so much love and support.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Thank you. From the depths of my heart, thank you. You truly have no idea how much your words of love, support and encouragement have meant to me. Your Facebook comments, texts messages and emails are tangiable words I can read over and over when satan tries to convince me I made a mistake. And he will. He's already tried and failed, but he will try again, I'm sure.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">For years I have been encouraged by those who are the closest to me to share my story, but I've been too fearful. Fear of being judged. Fear of people thinking I was "crazy". I have had so many people thank me for being "brave". But I am not brave. I was so full of fear when I hit publish. I stayed away from email and Facebook for hours because I was so fearful of what people might say. All I did was obey the Lord. It was Him who laid it heavy on my heart to write that post. It was Him who gave me the courage to hit publish. I knew I had to trust the Lord, and He would somehow work it to my good and His glory.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I had no idea this is what He had in mind.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">As of this morning I have received over 200 emails from people who have shared their story with me. I have heard from people I haven't spoken to in years, and I've heard from people I have never met. I've heard from people I see on a regular basis, and I had no idea the pain they are suffering.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">As I have read through emails, I have cried. There are so many people in this world who are suffering. People who see no way out of their pain other than to take their own life. In so many of those emails people have thanked me for making them feel not so alone. I've often thought, if my story made this much of a difference, how much greater it would be if all of them could read each other stories.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">You are not alone. Pain can certainly make you feel isolated, but I promise, you are not alone. Every story is somewhat different, yet every story is somewhat the same. You are NOT alone. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I am overwhelmed by the number of people who have trusted me with their pain. I get how hard it had to be for you to sit down and write me those emails. Thank you for trusting me. I know it wasn't easy. Please know that I am praying for each of you. Although I have not shared names or details of your stories, I also have friends praying for you.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">When I shared my own struggle with suicidal thoughts, I had no idea God would use it to help so many others. It's ironic. Since April I've seriously thought I am useless to God. I've been proven wrong. So you see, you sharing your story with me has helped me.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Out of all the emails I have received, and I continue to get them every day, only one ... ONE ... has been negative. It threw me for a loop when I first read it. I think mainly because of who wrote it, but after spending a few hours in prayer I no longer allow it to carry in weight in my heart. Mainly because I realize this person truly doesn't understand what the bible says, but also because 237 other people have been helped in some way by me sharing my heart.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I was at the Cookeville Pregnancy Clinic banquet last night, and someone whispered into my ear as she hugged me, "Your blog post has given me new hope. I was so close to hurting myself, but now I realize there is hope." I have to admit, I was taken back. I've known this person for a long time, and I had no idea how much pain she was carrying around with her.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">What she doesn't realize is she, and all of you who have taken a risk in sharing your story with me, have given me new hope. For the past four months I've been struggling with wondering if God will ever use me, and if He's not using me then am I really His child. I know that may sound crazy to some of you, but let me explain.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I don't ever remember a time in my life I didn't want Jesus to love me, but I was well into my thirties before I truly believed He did. I've been in church my entire life, but there has always been a part of me that felt like I wasn't "good enough" for God. I realize He didn't save me because of anything I have or haven't done. It was His grace and mercy that saved me. Not my performance.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I am His and He is mine. Satan has lost the war, but he still tries to win battles. So, he plants seeds of doubt in my mind, and sometimes those seeds grow. I start hearing him in my ear causing me to doubt. "Jesus doesn't really love you. You've just convinced yourself He does because you want it so badly."</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">This is a lie from the pit of hell. But it's a lie that sometimes I start to believe.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">That's why I surround myself with people who will remind me of TRUTH. It's vital we all do this. We need to be reminded constantly what the truth of God's word says. It's the only way we can battle those lies.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Satan has lost the war. There is nothing he can do to snatch me out of God's hands. He wants to keep me doubting so that I use that time and energy fretting over a lie instead of using it to show others the truth about God.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Someone asked me last night, "Was it worth the risk?"</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Yes, it was so worth the risk.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I've had one negative email, and 237 emails from people who have been helped (plus Facebook comments, text messages and phone calls). Even if it had been 237 negative emails, and one person had been helped, it would have been worth it. I admit, it would have been harder, but it still would have been worth it.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I'm not exactly sure what God has planned next, but He's already opened a door I am about to walk through. He has been trying for a long time to show me this opportunity, and honestly, I have been running from it. I don't know what will happen as I walk through that door, but I am certain God will use it for my good and His glory. </span>Robinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08671340115941785508noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7904453493292932788.post-73479987914543996082014-08-13T16:58:00.000-05:002014-08-13T16:58:48.418-05:00My Own Struggle with Suicidal Ideations<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">What I am about to share with you is risky. I will be judged. For two days the Lord has laid it heavily upon my heart I need to share my story, and for two days I have given Him all the reasons why I don't think it's a good idea. I have written this post no less than ten times trying to be careful with my words. I admit, I am fearful of the backlash this will cause, but I have to trust the Lord.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">As I read through all the comments on social media and watch news reports concerning the suicide of Robin Williams, my heart hurts. My heart hurts, and I'm finding myself becoming angry. People who have never dealt with major depression or suicidal ideations can't possibly understand what it is like. I am going to be very transparent, and this is not easy for me. But I think it's important to hear the perspective of someone who's been there.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">So here is my story.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">For most of my life I have struggled with suicidal ideations. The first time I thought about suicide I was in the 7th grade, and the last time I had thoughts of suicide was in April 2014. I was 12 years old the first time I thought about taking my own life, and I was 41 the last time the thought crossed my mind. For 29 years, off and on, I have struggled with wanting to end my own life.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">It is only by the grace of God I am alive today. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I'm not going to go into all the details of what caused me to have those thoughts at 12. Maybe some day, but not today. There were things happening in my life that were incredibly painful, and I saw no end in sight. As years passed I became more and more depressed. I didn't know how to deal with my pain, and I made a lot of choices I deeply regret. Choices that I'm still judged for today, even though I have been forgiven by those I hurt and by Jesus Christ, who died for those sins.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">The second time I had thoughts of suicide I was 15. My Nannie had just died. She was the closest person in the world to me. I loved her deeply, and I remember thinking I would never survive without her. Pain on top of pain caused me to have even more serious thoughts of suicide.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I remember sitting across the kitchen table from my mom as she was sobbing asking me why I wanted to kill myself. It broke my heart seeing her hurting and scared, but in my mind I believed she and my brothers would be better off without me. Believing those who love you would be better off without you is one of the biggest lies satan will have someone who is suicidal believe.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I had years of therapy. I saw Christian therapist, and secular therapist. I'd get past wanting to die, only to find myself making a new plan weeks later. It was the ace in my back pocket. If life became too hard, I'd just kill myself.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Someone once said to my mom, "Your crazy daughter ...". Those words were said over 25 years ago, and to this day they sting. I wasn't crazy, even though there were times I felt crazy.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">It was also said I was craving attention. Nothing could be farther from the truth. If anything, I didn't want the world to know my plan. Who wants people calling them crazy or dismissing their pain by saying they only want attention? Those fears have caused me to be very careful with whom I share my story.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">There have been half a dozen times I have had a concrete plan. I've had a date, time and place. I have gathered all the supplies I needed to carry out my plan. I have written "good-bye" letters to those I love. Because of years of therapy, I know the warning signs. I would be intentionally careful not to show any of those signs.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">But by the grace of God, someone would catch on or I'd slip up and give my plan away.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I have been on hundreds of different medication combinations. I have spent hundreds of hours in therapy. I was labeled medication resistant because nothing helped my depression. I was misdiagnosed more than once, and have had doctors give up on me. I felt helpless and hopeless. My pain was never going to end.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">People who contemplate suicide don't really want to die. What they want is for the pain to end, and they don't see any other way of making that happen.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I can only speak from my own experience, so here is what it is like for me.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">The world can seem so dark. There have been times I've had my closest friends ask me how I am and all I can say is, "Life is dark". The darkness completely engulfs me, and if I see a glimpse of a light at the end of the dark tunnel I'm in, it looks like a train coming right at me getting ready to destroy me further.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">About a year after I was diagnosed with CIDP I had come up with a plan to end my life. I saw myself as a burden to everyone around me. I was in a cycle of treatments where I would get chemical meningitis after every IVIG treatment, and for two weeks I'd be incredibly sick. I would come through the chemical meningitis, and for a week would feel somewhat normal. I had IVIG treatments ever four weeks, so I only had one good week a month. However, even during that good week I still had to depend on others for a lot my care. My body was in so much pain from the disease. I was weak, and I would fall often.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">There is no cure for CIDP. For the rest of my life I will live with physical pain that on the best of days is a 6 on the pain scale. My pain is best described as being shocked with electrical currents, burning, shooting sharp pains of fire. Some days getting out of bed seems impossible. My body constantly feels weak and tired, and sometimes just balancing my head takes every ounce of energy I have. Treatments, medications and doctor visits are expensive. My husband is a school teacher, and I now am on disability. Being on disability is embarrassing because of the stigma society has attached to it. I am able to work a few hours a week from home for a friend who is a doctor ... who happens to be my doctor. But even that is hard most days. I deal with muscle spasms and cramps that are extremely painful.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I hurt. I am weak. I am a burden to my husband, daughters, family and friends. And there is no cure for CIDP. I have exhausted all the treatments, and I've been told my current condition is as good as it will get for me.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I also am still dealing with a lot of emotional pain from past hurts. Emotional pain is worse than the physical pain my body feels constantly.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">And I miss my mama terribly. It's been 2 1/2 years since her death, and I still cry every day. Of all the things I have experienced in my life, loosing my mama is the hardest.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I long for Heaven. I pray every single day for Jesus to return. I don't really want death. I want to be pain-free. I want to be able to be independent and not be a burden to those around me. I want healing from my emotional pain.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I don't tell you all that for sympathy. Only to give you a glimpse of what daily life is like for me, and when something else big happens satan already has a foundation to start working on tearing me down. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">When life is dark, it's so easy to believe the lies of satan. "No one really loves you." "You are too much of a burden to those around you." "The only way out of this pain is to kill yourself." "No one will miss you." "Everyone will be better off without you." "Death will be your only relief." "No one can be trusted." "You never going to amount to anything." "You are a disappointment to everyone." "You are nothing but a failure."</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">The list of lies is unending. The darker life seems, the more believable the lies become. I've heard so many talk about what a selfish choice suicide is, but what they don't understand is to those who are thinking of ending their life they truly believe those around them would be better off without them. So often I have believed I would be doing others a huge favor. That is why it is so important for us to remind those around us how much we love them.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I am blessed to have a core group of people surrounding me with who I can be completely honest. People who will confront me with the truth of God's word, and who are intentional about reminding me of who I am in Christ. They show me daily I am loved, and when I need to be confronted about the lies I'm believing they do it. Even if it makes me angry. They would rather have me angry than dead.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Not everyone has been blessed with a husband who loves them the way my husband loves me, and have a core group of friends who loves them unconditionally. Friends that literally will walk through fire with you. I am blessed.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">But satan is so great at keeping me from seeing those blessings.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">In April I went through one of the top three most hurtful experiences in my life. Truthfully, I'm still going through it. The pain is incredible, and the damage to my heart is deep. Life will never look the same to me, and it has caused me to questioned everything. Satan took that experience and tried to convince me Jesus doesn't really love me. I am a horrible person. Everyone hates me, and no one can be trusted. I mess everything up I touch, and I am useless to God. Everyone wants me dead.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">And I began to believe him. I ran to my idol of suicide and started believing satan when he told me everyone in my life wants me dead.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">When my mom died 2 1/2 years ago, I realized then how much it would hurt my daughters if I were to take my own life. My mom died unexpectedly of a heart attack, and I blame myself for her death at times. I should have made her go to the doctor. I should have been with her. A hundred, "I should haves" have gone through my mind. If I take my life, my daughters will experience their own "I should haves", but it will be much worse. I don't want them to go through that pain. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">So, I know that as soon as those thoughts enter my mind I have to tell someone. Giving those thoughts a voice takes away their power, and irrational thoughts can be sorted through. Darryl is usually the one I tell. Partly because he's my medical doctor and my therapist. Darryl plays many roles in my life. He started out simply as my medical doctor, but now he's my brother in Christ. He's my overprotective, bossy, big brother who never judges me. He's just always there loving me and my family through mess after mess, and praying for us and with us. Darryl and I have spent hours upon hours talking through those feelings. He's tough on me .... because he has to be and because he loves me. He confronts me with the Truth of God's word, reminds me my worth is found in Jesus and what He did for me on the cross, and reminds me I do have people who love me and can be trusted. He reminds me of what I believe in my heart to be TRUTH ... <b>God is sovereign even over the darkness.</b> </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">And my husband simply loves me through those times. Nathan will say the same things to me Darryl does. Nathan loves me. He has proven his love to me every day for 21 years. He is just always there. Loving me, protecting me, supporting me, caring for me. Even when I try to push him away, he never waivers. He is such a picture of the love of Christ to me.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Not everyone has someone like that in their life, and if they do they can't see it in the darkness. It is so important for us to pay attention to those around us. Hurting people don't know how to ask for help. It may seem like they don't want it, but at their core they really do. Sometimes we push people away as a test. We think, "I'll push you away, and if you leave that proves you didn't really love me." Satan skews our thinking. He is a master deceiver.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">When we are hurting we have to find someone to risk trusting and open up to. We need community. We need each other. Are you someone who can be trusted to be careful with the hurts of someone else?</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">And sometimes we do need the help of medicine. Medication is not a cure, but I do believe for some people it can be an aide. It can help get someone to a place where they can begin to work on the underlying issues causing their depression. I also believe there are those who truly have clinical depression and need medication simply for their chemical imbalance.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Medication is not a crutch. Please don't believe that lie. It can be an aide to help get you healthy. There is nothing wrong with taking medication if you truly need it. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">And there is nothing wrong with admitting life is hard. We all have hurts. Life can be overwhelming. I have seen these words on social media the past few days over and over, "God won't give you more than you can handle."</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Here's the thing. That's a lie. If we can handle it all, why do we need God?</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">The truth is God won't allow more than He will give you the grace to endure. Grace for the moment, and not a moment before you need it. This truth is hard to remember in darkness, so we must daily remind each other of God's grace, love and mercy.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I don't know the spiritual state of Robin Williams, but it makes me more aware of my responsibility to share Jesus with people. It makes me sit up an pay attention to people who need me, and sometimes that includes taking a huge risk in sharing my story. </span>Robinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08671340115941785508noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7904453493292932788.post-66032698687933256682014-04-05T10:43:00.005-05:002014-04-05T10:43:59.330-05:00Happy 15th Birthday, Hannah girl!!<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Sweet Hannah girl,</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">You are the greatest surprise I've ever been given. It took the nurse 4 times to tell me I was pregnant, and I still didn't quite hear her until she handed me a bottle of prenatal vitamins and an appointment card to come back for an ultrasound in two days. You were prayed for by so many people. The green crocheted blanket you covered your dolls with was made by a sweet lady who went to our church. Mrs. Faye told me she prayed through every stitch that you would be born healthy.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">And you were. Those 37 weeks were some of the scariest weeks of my life, and it wasn't until you were born that we knew you were healthy. We lived with so much uncertainty those 37 weeks, and to hear you cry was the sweetest, most precious sound I had ever heard. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Hannah, there aren't enough words to even begin to describe what a blessing you have been to me. The joy you have brought to my life has been more joy than any person deserves. When I say, "I love you from the tippy, tippy top of your head to tippy, tippy bottom of your toes" it doesn't even begin to measure my love for you.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">My love is unconditional. There is nothing you could ever say or do that will change that. Nothing. We aren't always going to agree, and I'm not always going to approve of your behavior. However, I will ALWAYS and FOREVER love you.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I'm in a bit of denial that you are now 15. It just doesn't seem possible. One day I was holding a 6lb 9oz baby girl, and today you are preparing to take you driver's permit test.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">There are so many things I love about you. So many reasons I admire you. I thought it would be fun to list 15 in honor of being 15.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">1. I love your sweet spirit. I love how you have a deep desire to take care of others. You are always so sweet to volunteer to help others. I love how you can see needs those around you have, and how you have the want to help.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">2. I love how you can see beyond the surface of others. You can always see behind the curtain someone has put up in front of them. When I was so angry with the bullies you were having to deal with you said to me, "Mama, they aren't bad people. They are just making bad choices." Do you even realize how mature and insightful you are?? Sometimes I forget I'm talking to a teenager. You are more mature than a lot of 30 year old people I know. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">3. I love your giggle. I love when you laugh your entire body laughs. Hearing you cry for the first time was a sound I will never forget. I longed for months to be able to hear you cry, and I also have your laugh memorized in my heart. They way your nose crinkles, your eyes squint and your curls bounce when you laugh brings so much joy to my heart.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">4. I love your quick wit. Goodness. You can snap back with some of the funniest comebacks I've ever heard in a matter of 1.5 seconds. Sometimes you leave us speechless with your wit. Add in your sense of humor, and you have us laughing to the point of tears at times.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">5. I love your boldness. I love how you will call me out when I'm wrong. It's not always fun to hear, but what a blessing to have a daughter who will show me when I'm wrong.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">6. I love your tender heart. I love how you look after others and want to make sure they are okay. You have always wanted to comfort those who need to be loved.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">7. I love how much you love little kids. You certainly live up to your nickname, "The baby whisperer". It's so sweet to watch how tender you are with them. I know you say you never want kids because you want a career in the CIA, but I believe one day you are going to make a fabulous mommy. But not for at least another 15 years, right? : )</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">8. I love how you love your family. I love that you have a deep desire to spend time with all of us. Not many teenagers have that desire, and I'm so grateful you do. Thank you for constantly reminding me how important family truly is in life.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">9. I love how you pretend to not like your sister, but really you love her so much. It's so obvious you really do love her, especially when you have just come home from spending time out together somewhere. It is my hope and prayer that when you grow up you will be best friends.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">10. I love how you are always so willing to help me with whatever I need. It's just another example of how you love to help others. You have a heart of service, sweet girl!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">11. I love that you have dreams of your future. I love that those dreams are so far opposite from each other, but you are so certain you are going to be able to do both. When you were 4 you were certain you were going to marry J.P. You were going to be a farmer girl in the day time, a waitress at night and be a doctor that delivers babies on the weekends. Now you want to work for the CIA and be a music super-star. I'm excited to see what the future holds for you.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">12. I love that you will sit up late at night and watch Hallmark movies and "I Love Lucy" with me. I love that you get into them as much as I do. I love Saturday nights when we watch, "When Calls The Heart", and how excited we get to see what's going to happen this week.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">13. I love when you help me cook. I love being a team with you. I love chit-chatting with you while we cook. It's some of my most favorite moments.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">14. I love that we get to spend so much time together now that you are homeschooled. Homeschooling has had it challenges, and it's been tough working through all the kinks. But I love having you with me. I love that we get to eat lunch together every day, and that you are my side-kick wherever I go. What a gift to have those moments together! I love just being with you. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">15. I love, love, love that every night before you go to bed you tell me you love me. I love, love, love that before you walk out the door when you leave you say you love me. Sometimes things are challenging between us. They are called "growing pains" for a reason, and I love that in the midst of the hard days I have those little reminders that even though you are so angry with me you could scream, you still really do love me.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Hannah girl, I could list so many other things I love about you. The thing I love most is I know you belong to Jesus. It's so evident by the way you love others. Your constant willingness to help out when those around you need help, the way you come to us and tell us you think we should do _____ to help someone and they way you always want to comfort those who are hurting are all evidence of the Savior who lives inside of you.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I know this has been a really hard few years for you. You've had to go through some really hard things the past few years. Always remember your identity is in Jesus, Hannah. Your worth is in the price He paid for your ransom. He is faithful, loving, compassionate, merciful, gracious, steadfast and will never ever leave you or let anyone take you from Him.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">You are His, and He is yours. Forever and ever. Cling to Him.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I love you, baby girl!! You are a gift to our family, and to so many others around you. I'm told by so many people how much they love you. We are so blessed to have you in our lives.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Happy Birthday!! It's is my prayer that this year is the best year of your life.</span>Robinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08671340115941785508noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7904453493292932788.post-36457035090104855022014-03-31T09:20:00.001-05:002014-03-31T15:16:53.734-05:00The "No Make-up Selfie Craze is Making Me Crazy<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I've been a bit confused by the "no-make up selfie" craze that has hit social media. Actually it's making me a little crazy. How does this supposed bravery compare to the bravery of anyone who is fighting for their life while enduring horrendous chemotherapy?</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I take a chemo drug twice a day by mouth. I don't have cancer, but because CIDP (Chronic Inflammatory Demylinating Neuropathy) is an autoimmune disease, the thought is if they can lower my immunity enough to stop my body from attacking itself, they can at least halt the progression of the disease. When I was told about this treatment I was also told, "You need to understand, this drug can kill you." I was given tons of information about the pros and cons of taking Cellcept, and after much prayer and research I simply asked my neurologist, "If you were in my shoes and knowing all you know about my case, would you take it?" His answer was yes.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Taking chemo by mouth does not have the same side effects as taking it though an IV line. I've not lost my hair, and my nausea is nothing compared to what others endure. It does cause me to have stomach issues, and I take three other meds to help control those symptoms. Chemo is a nasty, nasty drug in any form. Because it is so dangerous, I have to have blood work done so often that I stay anemic. Chemo makes you lethargic. It's not as severe in pill form. Add in the anemia and the weakness from CIDP, and some days it's all I can do to get out of bed. I don't wear make-up very often at all because of the weakness in my hands and arms. Putting on eyeliner or mascara is near to impossible. I have to keep a hairstyle that allows me to wash and go. It has to be a style that doesn't take much effort to blow dry because my arms are too weak to hold a blow dryer for very long.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">But at least I have hair. So I don't complain about a boring, short cut and not being able to curl or flat iron my hair daily. I'm very grateful to have hair.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Before getting sick you would have never seen me without make-up. I would have not walked to the mailbox without my hair and make-up done. There was a time in my life I would paint my fingernails every night with a color that would match my outfit I had picked out for the next day. Now you might see me wear make-up two or three times a year ... usually only during family pictures. I overheard someone say one day, "She's just let herself go since she got sick." The person who said that has no idea I heard them (I guess they will now if they read this), and it hurt. It made me self-conscience. Every flaw on my face can be seen because it isn't covered with make-up.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I've been somewhat offended by the "no-make selfie" craze. If wearing no make-up is brave, what do people really think of me, and those like me, who really can't wear make-up? And what about those who make it their choice for a variety of reasons simply not to wear make-up at all?</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">After doing some research, I learned this originally was started as a way to raise money for cancer research. I've seen over a hundred post on different social media sites, and out of all of those who have posted their brave picture, not one person posted the link where you can donate money for research. Somehow it got lost in the craze.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I read this (<a href="http://m.brisbanetimes.com.au/queensland/theres-no-bravery-in-no-makeup-selfies-20140327-35lyx.html">There is no bravery in no make-up selfies</a>) post on a friend's Facebook page a couple of days ago, and this morning I read this (<a href="http://thoughtcatalog.com/heidi-priebe/2014/03/why-your-bare-faced-selfies-arent-really-helping-anyone/#7BhtpPM0AfSUJsa3.01">Why your bare faced selfies aren't really helping anyone</a>) post on a different Facebook page. I encourage you to read both. I thought I was being oversensitive to be offended by this craze, but it turns out I'm not the only person who feels this way.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Before posting your brave no make-up selfie, stop and think about how it is effecting someone who is dealing with a life-threatening disease. I have a friend whose daughter is fighting for her life. She as pancreatic cancer. She told me this weekend she hasn't wanted a picture taken of herself because she's so sick and lost so much weight. She finally agreed to have one taken in the last few days. She's not brave because of the picture she allowed to be snapped. Her bravery comes in her wanting to fight for her life, and solely relying on her Heavenly Father to give her the ability to fight.</span>Robinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08671340115941785508noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7904453493292932788.post-48671643286286389952014-03-21T10:34:00.000-05:002014-03-21T10:34:21.989-05:00Grief is a Process<div class="UIShareStage_Title">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">This has been a really hard week. Sunday we said good-bye to our pastor, and today is the 2 year anniversary of my Mom's death. I've cried a zillion tears this week, and my heart is deeply hurting.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">About 9 o'clock last night I got a phone call from my friend Carrie. She called asking if she could pray with me. She knew this week was hard. I love that she called. I love that instead of just saying she would pray for me, she actually called me up and did. It really encouraged my heart, and it was a great lesson for me. I need to actually pray more <b>with</b> people instead of just promising to do so.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Carrie also told me she had sent me a private message on Facebook that contained a copy of Kay Warren's status update. The one year anniversary of the death of Rick and Kay Warren's son is approaching. Kay wrote about how hard "well-meaning" comments had been for her.</span> </div>
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<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<div class="UIShareStage_Title">
Status Update</div>
<div class="UIShareStage_Subtitle">
By Kay Warren</div>
<div class="UIShareStage_Summary">
As
the one-year anniversary of Matthew's death approaches, I have been
shocked by some subtle and not-so-subtle comments indicating that
perhaps I should be ready to "move on." The soft, compassionate cocoon
that has enveloped us for the last 11 1/2 months had lulled me into
believing others would be patient with us on our grief journey, and
while I’m sure many will read this and quickly say “Take all the time
you need,” I’m increasingly aware that the cocoon may be in the process
of collapsing. It’s understandable when you take a step back. I mean,
life goes on. The thousands who supported us in the aftermath of
Matthew’s suicide wept and mourned with us, prayed passionately for us,
and sent an unbelievable volume of cards, letters, emails, texts, phone
calls, and gifts. The support was utterly amazing. But for most, life
never stopped – their world didn’t grind to a horrific, catastrophic
halt on April 5, 2013. In fact, their lives have kept moving steadily
forward with tasks, routines, work, kids, leisure, plans, dreams, goals
etc. LIFE GOES ON. And some of them are ready for us to go on too. They
want the old Rick and Kay back. They secretly wonder when things will
get back to normal for us – when we’ll be ourselves, when the tragedy of
April 5, 2013 will cease to be the grid that we pass everything across.
And I have to tell you – the old Rick and Kay are gone. They’re never
coming back. We will never be the same again. There is a new
“normal.” April 5, 2013 has permanently marked us. It will remain the
grid we pass everything across for an indeterminate amount of
time….maybe forever.<br /> Because these comments from well-meaning folks
wounded me so deeply, I doubted myself and thought perhaps I really am
not grieving “well” (whatever that means). I wondered if I was being
overly sensitive –so I checked with parents who have lost children to
see if my experience was unique. Far from it, I discovered. “At least
you can have another child” one mother was told shortly after her
child’s death. “You’re doing better, right?” I was asked recently. “When
are you coming back to the stage at Saddleback? We need you” someone
cluelessly said to me recently. “People can be so rude and insensitive;
they make the most thoughtless comments,” one grieving father said.
You know, it wasn’t all that long ago that it was standard in our
culture for people to officially be in mourning for a full year. They
wore black. They didn’t go to parties. They didn’t smile a whole lot.
And everybody accepted their period of mourning; no one ridiculed a
mother in black or asked her stupid questions about why she was STILL so
sad. Obviously, this is no longer accepted practice; mourners are
encouraged to quickly move on, turn the corner, get back to work, think
of the positive, be grateful for what is left, have another baby, and
other unkind, unfeeling, obtuse and downright cruel comments. What does
this say about us - other than we’re terribly uncomfortable with death,
with grief, with mourning, with loss – or we’re so self-absorbed that we
easily forget the profound suffering the loss of a child creates in the
shattered parents and remaining children. <br /> Unless you’ve stood by
the grave of your child or cradled the urn that holds their ashes,
you’re better off keeping your words to some very simple phrases: “I’m
so sorry for your loss.” Or “I’m praying for you and your family.” Do
your best to avoid the meaningless, catch-all phrase “How are you
doing?” This question is almost impossible to answer. If you’re a
stranger, it’s none of your business. If you’re a casual acquaintance,
it’s excruciating to try to answer honestly, and you leave the sufferer
unsure whether to lie to you (I’m ok) to end the conversation or if
they should try to haltingly tell you that their right arm was cut off
and they don’t know how to go on without it. If you’re a close friend,
try telling them instead, “You don’t have to say anything at all; I’m
with you in this.”<br /> None of us wants to be like Job’s friends – the
pseudo comforters who drove him mad with their questions, their wrong
conclusions and their assumptions about his grief. But too often we end
up a 21st century Bildad, Eliphaz or Zophar – we fill the uncomfortable
silence with words that wound rather than heal. I’m sad to realize that
even now – in the middle of my own shattering loss – I can be callous
with the grief of another and rush through the conversation without
really listening, blithely spouting the platitudes I hate when offered
to me. We’re not good grievers, and when I judge you, I judge myself as
well.<br /> Here’s my plea: Please don’t ever tell someone to be grateful
for what they have left until they’ve had a chance to mourn what
they’ve lost. It will take longer than you think is reasonable,
rational or even right. But that’s ok. True friends – unlike Job’s
sorry excuse for friends – love at all times, and brothers and sisters
are born to help in time of need (Prov. 17:17 LB).The truest friends and
“helpers” are those who wait for the griever to emerge from the
darkness that swallowed them alive without growing afraid, anxious or
impatient. They don’t pressure their friend to be the old familiar
person they’re used to; they’re willing to accept that things are
different, embrace the now-scarred one they love, and are confident that
their compassionate, non-demanding presence is the surest expression of
God’s mercy to their suffering friend. They’re ok with messy and slow
and few answers….and they never say “Move on.”</div>
</blockquote>
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">All I can say is wow! She said all of this so much better than I ever could have said it.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I've have been harshly judged for how I have grieved my Mama. Her death was a complete shock, and I'm just now beginning to come out of that shock. I've been told I visit her grave too often. I had someone tell me I talk about her too often, and it makes others uncomfortable. I was told I should have closed her Facebook account a long time ago. I've been told I need to move on, and I need to pull myself together. I even had someone ask me why I'm still crying over her.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">The list of things that have been said to me goes on, and I think people just don't think before they speak. I think most people are well-meaning. People think they have to say something, and they just don't understand it's okay for things to be quite. I remember Darryl and Mary sitting on either side of me the night my mom died, and neither of them said a word. Just having them there was such a comfort.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I had someone say to me yesterday, "So now that you are moving into year two, this year will be better for you. It won't hurt as much."</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Seriously.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">It hurts more. The more time that passes the more the reality hits she's not coming back. She will never call me again. She won't be calling me trying to work out holiday plans or asking if my laundry is caught up yet.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Grief takes time, and as much as I hate to say it, it's a process. A process without a time limit. Some days are better than others, and some days my heart is as raw as the day she died. I'll never "get over it". My heart will hurt for the remainder of my days. I will always long for just one more chance to say to her, "I love you".</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Be patient and loving with those who are grieving. It's not a "cookie cutter" process. Even those who are grieving the death of the same person will grieve differently and at different rates. That's okay. Just love them through it. Pray with them. If they need to talk, listen. If they need to be silent, just sit with them. Don't try to fill the air with well-meaning words. Those words often hurt without the one saying them even realizing it. Just saying, "I love you, and I'm praying for you" is more than enough.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">For those of you who have loved me the past two years, thank you. If I were to list who you are I would surely forget to add someone. You know who you are, and more importantly God knows who you are.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">For those of you who have made hurtful, down right insensitive comments. It's okay. Learn from it. We've all done it. The key is to learn from it, and do better the next time.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I truly have forgiven every person who has said hurtful things to me. The words still sting, but I don't harbor hard feelings toward anyone. I just pray everyone truly realizes grief is a long, hard process, and we all learn to be more patient and loving with one another.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">This coming year I plan to focus more on the positive, loving things that are said to me. I will continue to talk about my Mama, and laugh at some of the silly, crazy things she would do. I will cry when my heart needs to, and I will visit her grave at least once a week and sometimes more. I will keep her memory alive, and will teach our girls all things she taught me. I will cuddle up on the couch with the blanket she made me when I need to be close to her. When I become proud, I will remember her saying, "Robin, the bible says proud before the fall." I will probably still try to pick up the phone to call her.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I even have plans to attend a McKammey's concert in a few weeks. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I will always love her and cherish her.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"> </span>Robinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08671340115941785508noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7904453493292932788.post-89557347677068105402014-03-20T10:05:00.000-05:002014-03-20T10:05:25.612-05:00She's Singing For Her King Jesus<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">As I sit here listening to the birds signing outside the window, I'm reminded of every detail of that horrible day. That morning the birds were singing too. I spent the day in a nearby town with my bible study group shopping in antique stores looking for the perfect blue Mason jar and trying to decide if I really wanted to buy another Vera Bradley purse. I had chicken and rice for lunch in a cute little restaurant, and because it was so warm we stopped for 1/2 price slushes at Sonic on the way home. I commented on how beautiful the Red Bud trees were that lined the highway, and talked about how vibrant that Spring was going to be. I even said, "This has been a really good day."</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Little did I know within the hour I would get a phone call that would change my life forever, and what had been a good day would quickly become the worst day of my life.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I can still hear my dad's voice on the other end of the line. It was tone I had never heard. All the way to my parent's house I kept praying, "Lord, please don't let it be true. Please don't let it be true."</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">It will be 2 years tomorrow, and it still seems like it just happened yesterday. Whoever said time heals all wounds lied. I told a friend earlier this week it actually gets harder. In the beginning I was in shock and disbelief. It was as if I was living out a nightmare. The more time passes the more the reality becomes clear I'll never see her again this side of Heaven.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I still cry at least once every day. Although I don't visit her grave every day like I did the first year, I still go every Sunday after church, and some weeks more often than that. I still pick up the phone to call her. Just last week I had the thought, "I need to call Mama and tell her ...". It wasn't until my dad answered the phone it hit me she isn't here anymore.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I miss her terribly.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">We talk about her all the time. We laugh about some of the crazy stuff she would do. Sara tells me almost on a daily basis, "You are turning into Mama Gaile.".</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">It's so hard to live life without her.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">As I think back over the past two years I see so clearly how faithful, loving and gracious the Lord has been. Every moment I thought I couldn't get through, He carried me through it. Sometimes it still hurts so much it feels like I can't breathe. I can hardly stand to be in the room where she sat. It's hard for me to see anyone sit in her seat ... unless it's one of her grandchildren. Somehow that seems okay to me. Probably because I know that would make her smile.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I've been reflecting back over things that have been said to me over the past two years. People can say some hurtful things. I've had people be very critical about the way I have grieved her. I have had some deeply hurtful things said to me. I don't think most people mean to be hurtful. I think they just don't know what to say, so they say whatever comes to mind without really thinking it through.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">The one thing that irrates me the most is for someone to tell me, "Heaven gained another angel."</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I can still remember
the first person that said this to me after my Mama died. I was
standing in front of her casket, and it took every bit of restraint I
had not to tell them what she would have to say about that.</span> </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I remember having a conversation with my mom one day about this very statement. She said to me, "Do people not realize that statement isn't even biblical? The bible says we are above the angels. If we are Christians, we are co-heirs with Christ. Why would I want to be an angel when I die? I'm a child of the King"</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Most everyone has had some very encouraging words to say to me. Only a few people have been hurtful, but those few tend to standout more than those who have encouraged me. I'm trying to do better about being intentional about focusing on the encouraging comments. This morning I read an email my friend Keeba sent me a few days after my mom died. She said, "This is what it's going to be like." I have found that email to be so comforting the past two years. It helps to know someone else cries in the card aisle on Mother's Day. That seemingly out of nowhere sometimes tears will start to fall for her also. It helps to know it's not just me. I'm not going crazy. What a gift that email has been to my heart!</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">The night my mom died my friend Barbara and her husband Ralph showed up at my mom's house. Barbara and I had spent the day together. Her husband Ralph is a PCA minister, and a highly respected Old Testament scholar. Just google Dale Ralph Davis to get the full picture of who is. I say that to help you understand why when I saw them walk in the door I almost ran to them. I just knew Ralph would have some sort of biblical answer as to why she had died so suddenly.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">He hugged me and then looked me in the eye and said, "This is a hard providence isn't it?"</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">My thoughts were, "That's all you got. You are Ralph Davis, and the only thing you have to say to me is this is a hard providence?"</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Two years later I can say those word are very comforting. It is a hard providence. My Mama's days on this earth were numbered, and when it was her time God took her home. In that moment I wanted a reason. I wanted to know why. I didn't realize he was giving me the "why". God knew the exact moment He would take her home. Her death was providential. It was all a part of God's plan.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">A couple of days ago my friend Robyn wrote in a text to me, "I know this is a hard week for you, but remember God will never put more on you than you can handle. He is with you and holding you when you're too weak to stand." She also wrote, "But rejoice that you know you will see her again. That's the promise that brings so much comfort."</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Yes, yes it is.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I know she is with Jesus, and I know one day I will see her again. But today I miss her. My heart still hurts, and my arms still ache from wanting so badly to hug her. I still regret not telling her I loved her before we hung up the phone the day before she died. I regret not insisting she go to the doctor that day. It is still so hard to know she died alone, and not knowing what really happened that day can drive me batty.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">But God is sovereign. God is good. He is loving. He is full of mercy and grace. He will never leave me. My heart will probably always hurt, but moment by moment God will give me the grace I need. And like Robyn sweetly reminded me, He will hold me up when I'm too weak to stand.</span><i><b><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"> </span></b></i><br />
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i><b><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. ~ 2 Corinthians 12:9</span></b></i><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"> </span></blockquote>
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">And just like the birds that have been singing outside my window all morning, I believe my Mama is in Heaven singing. She's probably teaching everyone her favorite McKammey's song.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">She's singing for her King Jesus.</span>Robinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08671340115941785508noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7904453493292932788.post-69303561355462847222014-02-19T09:09:00.000-06:002014-02-19T09:09:21.564-06:00But He Gives Us More Grace<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I have been in a really "weird" season the past several weeks. I don't really even know how to describe it, except to say it's not been fun ... for me or those around me. It's been a huge struggle. I have been in the process of sorting through my heart, and trying to figure out if I'm doing what God really wants me to be doing right now.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Last week I sat down with my friend Ann and had very long heart to heart. I just laid it all out, and it was a complete mess. Tears, snot and hyperventilating from crying so hard. It was not a pretty picture. I needed to talk it all through, and I knew I needed to talk to someone who was going to be honest with me. Someone I know who will not just tell me what I want to hear, coddle me and feel so sorry for me.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Listen, I've got that covered. I don't need any help in "feeling sorry for myself" department. I can throw some stellar pity parties.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I also knew I needed to talk to someone who knows my heart, and loves me ... flaws, complete mess and all. Someone who would be non-judgmental, and who I knew I could trust my heart to. I chose Ann for all those reason, and also because Ann's isn't emotionally tied to what I needed to share, so I knew she could be objective.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">After I spent several minutes pouring out my heart, Ann's first words to me were, "You are going to have to toughen up."</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Seriously, those were her first words. I was sitting there in front of her a broken, sobbing mess. Clearly there was no danger there would be any coddling happening.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Maybe I should explain. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">A year and half ago I agreed to take over as WIC (Women in the Church) President in my church. I knew it wasn't going to be all daisies and butterflies, but I wasn't expecting the all the things God would dig out of my heart.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Like discovering what a "people pleaser" I really am. I know, some of you that know me are surprised, but I assure you, you aren't nearly as surprised as I am. I've come to the realization that I am such a "people pleaser" that I've made it an idol. So much so, I've literally made myself sick over it.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I want to please others, and I want their approval more than I want to please God.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Ugh! NOT exactly a pretty thing to realize about yourself.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">God's has given me a heart for women's ministry. I love seeing other women, young and old, growing in their love for Jesus. I love seeing friendships form, and watching those relationships grow in their knowledge and love for our Saviour. I love watching women be the hands and feet of Jesus ... serving, loving and growing in grace together. It's such a beautiful picture.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">But it's not always so pretty getting there. Not everyone has the same ideas and goals. Visions often differ, and opinions are not in short supply.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">There isn't anything wrong with differing opinions and goals, until you forget to ask the Lord what He wants. I've learned it's so easy to try and fulfill my own agenda without asking the Lord if this is what He would want. So often I leave Him out of the equation. Which is really odd since my goal really is for women to grow in their love for Him. You would think He would be the first person I would consult, but often He's not. It is such a ugly reminder of how much I need Jesus. I am just a huge mess, and without Him I am hopeless.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Ann said to me, "You are going to have to toughen up. Ministry is hard, and you have to get a thicker skin."</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Everyone needs a Ann in their life. I completely trust her. I know without a doubt she loves me, and her ultimate goal for me is that I love and trust Jesus more today than I did yesterday. She is one of the wisest women I've ever met in my entire life. She loves Jesus passionately, and recognizes her desperate need for Him. She is hilarious, and never minces words. She speaks truth in love ... even when that truth hurts. She reminds me so much of an older version of my friend Connie. Just like Connie, I could sit and listen to Ann for hours upon hours, and I always walk away knowing so much more about Jesus and my total dependence on Him.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">My conversation with Ann was even more helpful than I had hoped. It may sound like she was harsh, but really she was just being honest with me. She helped me see things clearly, and reminded me I have to do what I know the Lord wants me to do, even if it's not the popular choice or someone gets their feathers ruffled.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Before leaving church that day, I was asking Ann if she had decided what date she was going to start her bible study, and I said, "Mary and I will finish up James the first week in March, Lord willing."</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">"That's what's wrong with you! I have figured it out!", she exclaimed.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">"You have figured out what's wrong with me?" I was a bit perplexed. How could studying James be what's <i>wrong</i> with me? </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">"You've been studying James the past several months, and that is why you are seeing things differently than everyone else."</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Last Fall Mary and I began co-leading a bible study on James.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Before I go any further, let me just say, this was not our first choice ... nor was it the second or third. We spent the Summer sorting through different studies, and it was the beginning of August and we, or really it was just me, were in a panic. Mary just normally doesn't panic. She knows I've got that covered, so she chooses not to waste her energy. She has to save it to calm me down. I'm so not even kidding. We were already in August, and bible study was supposed to start back the first Tuesday in September. Our pastor suggested we do a study on a book of the bible since we were running out of time, and were not finding the "right" bible study. He told us to choose one, and he'd help us find a study to go with it.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Mary suggested James. Caleb had just finished reading through the book of James in Sunday morning worship, and it seemed like a good time to dig in and sort through what James had to say. I was so exhausted from searching ... and panicking ... that I was totally fine with studying James. When I told Caleb the book we had "settled on", he told me about a study he had seen written by Tim Keller.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I say "settled on" because this was our fourth choice. We had other ideas when we first talked about what do for a bible study in the Fall.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">But little did we know all along it was God's first choice for us. We really had no idea what God had in store for us.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">The past six months we have spent every Thursday, sometimes we've had to meet on another day, studying for the following Tuesday morning's lesson. Prior to meeting we have read commentaries, listened to sermons online, read through the week's questions and prayed ... a lot. We meet all day on Thursday, and we dig. We talk through what we've read in the bible commentaries, we discuss sermons we've listened to online, search for verses all throughout the bible that go with our lesson and work through the questions of the week.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">When you do a bible study with Mary, it's an adventure. A blessed adventure for sure. It has been one of the sweetest times of my life, and to be able to do this with one of my very best friends has been the icing on the cake. We have learned so much, and grown in knowledge of the bible and our love for Jesus and the love He has for us. Our friendship has also grown. I am a strong believer that the friendships, or any relationship, you have that is based on a foundation of the love of Jesus are the sweetest, strongest, most precious friendships you will ever have. Digging into James together has made our friendship stronger and deeper.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Studying James has also been surprisingly hard.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I love the book of James. He lays it all out ... this is how you should be living ... these are things you should and should not be doing. As a pastor we've listened to online put it, it's a book about how to be a disciple for Jesus. Sounds great, right?</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Well, yes and no.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Studying James has exposed the ugliness of my heart. It has caused me to really look within, and let me tell you, it's a complete, dark mess in there. I don't like what I've seen. Every single week ... without fail ... each lesson has applied to something big going on in our lives. It's been really amazing to see how God knew exactly what we needed to be studying at this exact time.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I don't know why I'm surprised. After all, if I truly believe God is sovereign, which I do, I should expect that to happen and not be surprised by it.</span><br />
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Looking within my heart I have discovered I am a selfish, judgmental, unloving mess, and one of my many idols is pleasing others.</div>
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<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<b><i><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says: “God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble.” ~ James 4:6</span></i></b></blockquote>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">But he gives us more grace ...</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I have clung to that lately.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I'm about to confess something else about myself.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I like to watch Dr. Phil. Shameful, I know. It's one of those guilty pleasures I have. Dr. Phil says when you use the word "but" it totally dismisses what you just previously said.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">But he gives us more grace.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I am sinful. I am a complete utter mess. I am selfish, judgmental and unloving. There are things in my life I want more than I want Jesus.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">But he gives us more grace.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><i><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Thank you, Jesus, for grace upon grace.</span></i></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">When I agreed to take on being WIC President I had a vision for the women's ministry in my my church. I wanted us to continue to grow. Grow closer to our Saviour, and in the process grow closer to each other. I want us to love each other unconditionally, and when asked to make a meal for someone say, "I'd love to" instead of grumbling.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Listen, we all do it. We all grumble about something. If it's not because we are asked to take a meal, maybe it's because you've been asked to serve in the nursery, teach a Sunday school class, be a greeter, serve on a committee, etc. There is something at some time you've grumbled about not wanting to do. I could give you a long list of things I've not done with a joyful heart.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I belong to a church that loves well. I have never been a part of a church that loves the way they do. It's not perfect, and we have lots of room for improvement. However, (notice I didn't say "but" because we really aren't perfect) over the years I watched them love sick, brokenhearted, hurting people. I have been on the receiving end of that love many times. I, and my family, have been loved well. I could give you thousands of examples of how my little family of four has experienced being loved by our covenant family, and I've seen it time and time again with others.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I think being loved by my church is one of the ways God has grown my love for women's ministry. I know what it feels like to receive that love, and I want everyone to know it also.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">And by God's grace and mercy, I'm at a point in my life where I can be on the giving end of loving on others. I want everyone to know what it's like to genuinely serve someone else also.</span><br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<br />
<b><i><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">In everything I did, I showed you that by this kind of hard work we must
help the weak, remembering the words the Lord Jesus himself said: ‘It
is more blessed to give than to receive.’ ” ~ Acts 20:35</span></i></b></blockquote>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">It really is more blessed to give than to receive. Studying James has caused me to realize how unloving, lacking compassion, judgmental, self-serving I really am. I don't want to be any of that.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I want to be who God created me to be. I want to love Him more than anyone or anything else, and out of that love I want to love others. I have come to realize the past several days not everyone has the same gifts, and visions and opinions often differ because we aren't all in the same place in our sanctification. And that's okay. I just need to remember that I need to give the grace I've been given when someone else doesn't see my vision.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I still have the same vision I've always had for women's ministry, but the process of achieving that vision has changed.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I hate the word "process". Anything that has to go through a process is never easy.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">So, I've been struggling trying to figure out how and where does the Lord want to use me.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Mary said something to me years ago that often rings in my head. "If you would stop kicking against God's sovereignty, this process might be a little easier."</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Mary's not really into coddling either. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I do a lot of kicking, and make things a whole lot more difficult than they really have to be. Control, it's another idol I have. I am a control freak. I am also a perfectionist, and those two together are often a disaster in the making.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Control freak, perfectionist and a people pleaser that sees clearly what a huge, unloving, self-serving, judgmental mess she is ... it's no wonder why I've been in "weird" season.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">But he gives us more grace.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Today I am grateful for God's unending, undeserving grace. I am grateful He has allowed me to see how black my heart truly is, and the forgiveness He gives me for all those nasty sins I have. I am grateful for friends who speak truth, and love me in spite of myself. I am grateful for a Saviour who hung on a cross and died for those sins so that I could be forgiven ... given a new beginning.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I am a wicked, sinful mess, and I desperately need a sovereign Saviour who loves me perfectly, even though my love for Him is imperfect.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">But he gives us more grace ...</span>Robinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08671340115941785508noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7904453493292932788.post-59981340522827055782013-11-26T19:14:00.000-06:002013-11-26T19:14:28.127-06:00Rest In His Grace, Mercy and Love<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">If I'm completely honest, I don't feel very thankful lately. In fact, I've thrown some major pity parties. I've been really sick for about 2 weeks now. I've had a wicked virus that has knocked me down. So much so, my weakness has increased to the point that just walking across the floor leaves my body shaking. It's scary. I keep wondering if this has kicked my CIDP into high gear ... which leaves me constantly wondering, "Will I be able to walk tomorrow?"</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I haven't been this sick in a long time. By the grace of God, I've managed to escape getting sick. It's been almost 3 years since my last hospital admission. I've been able to experience life out of the house more, and we were even able to let go of my homehealth nurses. Things we good ... and fun.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">And I took it all for granted.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">And I miss my mama so much I can't stop crying today. I just want to be able to pick up the phone and call her.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">When does it get easier?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Does it ever get easier?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">She loved the holidays. She loved all of us getting together. She loved family and having all of them in the same room. Loud and crazy as it was, she loved it. It's so hard to believe we are about to do Thanksgiving for the second year without her. My heart still hurts so much. It's still so raw at times.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">And we've had another death in our family. Nathan's uncle John passed early Saturday morning. It's so hard to explain to our girls why so many people around us keep dying. I don't even understand it myself.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">John was precious, quick-witted and funny. Hannah's sense of humor and quick-wit reminds me so much of John. The past year was really hard for him. He was so sick, and life was a constant struggle for him. He is going to be greatly missed. I worry about Nathan's grandfather. He's almost 90. I can't imagine loosing a child.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Life can be so hard to understand. So many whys constantly go through my heart.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">All I know is God is always good, and I am always loved. I've had to say those words to myself a million times over.</span></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">God is always good, and I am always loved.</span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I have had to repeat this to myself so much lately because there have been moments doubts have crept into my heart, and I've wondered if He really loves me. We have some really major stuff going on in our family right now. Hard, hurtful things. We had to make a life-changing decision last week that will change what our every day life looks like. We prayed for a long time about this decision, and we have a complete peace that this is what the Lord wants us to do. It's still scary though. Full of unknowns.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Sunday night I sobbed and poured my heart out to Darryl. Bless him. Everyone needs a big brother like him. He sat quietly and listened while I spilled my guts, and then said, "Robin, you are going to be okay."</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I told him I didn't believe him. He smiled and said, "I know you don't. But I know the Holy Spirit that lives inside of you ... so I know you are going to be okay."</span></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">God is always good, and I am always loved.</span></b><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Even though Darryl can't tell me my CIDP hasn't begun progressing again, he can still tell me that even if it is I'm going to be okay ... only because of Jesus.</span><b><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></b><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Okay may not look like what I think okay should be, but I know He will never leave me or forsake me. For some reason all this chaos and pain is for my good and His glory. I just don't know what that reason is just yet. I may never know this side of Heaven, but I can trust and hold tight to the One that created me.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I checked email a little bit ago and found an email Mary sent me this morning. It read,</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, Helvetica, Arial;"><span style="font-size: 16px;">Robin,</span></span></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, Helvetica, Arial;"><span style="font-size: 16px;"><br /></span></span></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, Helvetica, Arial;"><span style="font-size: 16px;">Hope you are continuing to improve a bit each day.</span></span></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, Helvetica, Arial;"><span style="font-size: 16px;"><br /></span></span></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, Helvetica, Arial;"><span style="font-size: 16px;">Praying for you to rest well, to rest in the Lord, and to experience the joy thanksgiving. </span></span></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, Helvetica, Arial;"><span style="font-size: 16px;"><br /></span></span></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="color: #ff8000;"><span style="font-family: Annabel Script;"><span style="font-size: 18px;"><b><i>We will give thanks to God not because of how we feel, but because of who He is.</i></b></span></span><b><i><span style="font-family: Verdana, Helvetica, Arial;"><span style="font-size: 16px;"> </span></span></i></b></span><b><i><span style="font-family: Verdana, Helvetica, Arial;"><span style="font-size: 16px;"></span></span></i></b></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><span style="font-size: 12px;">Ann Voskamp</span><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: 16px;"><br /><a href="http://www.aholyexperience.com/2013/11/ending-the-stealing-of-thanksgiving-a-parable/" style="color: #1155cc;" target="_blank">http://www.aholyexperience.<wbr></wbr>com/2013/11/ending-the-<wbr></wbr>stealing-of-thanksgiving-a-<wbr></wbr>parable/</a><br /><br />Love you,</span></span></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: 16px;"><br /></span></span></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: 16px;"><br /></span></span></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: 16px;">Mary</span></span></span></blockquote>
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<b><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">"We will give thanks to God not because of how we feel, but because of who He is." ~ Ann Voskamp</span> </b></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I don't <i>feel</i> like giving thanks. I'd rather just wallow in the hard, hurts of life. I'm just so tired, and wish life was different than it is at this very moment.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">But as I scrolled through all the emails I have stacked up in my inbox, I found this one that was sent from Connie on Sunday. She sent it to Mary and I.</span></div>
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Hey you two precious ladies : )<br />
There was a song sung as a special in church this morning that I wanted to share with y'all. Hannah says it isn't new, (just new to me) ~ but the you tube video at one point seemed cheesy....so, I'm sending just the words. The melody is also very poignant...so hope you get to hear it at some point too : ).</blockquote>
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Love y'all so very much. I am praying for you this holiday week. Miss worshiping with you.<br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">hug each other from me.</span></blockquote>
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<b style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">"Your Hands"</b><br />
I have unanswered prayers<br />
I have trouble I wish wasn't there<br />
And I have asked a thousand ways<br />
That you would take my pain away<br />
You would take my pain away</blockquote>
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I am trying to understand<br />
How to walk this weary land<br />
Make straight the paths that crooked lie<br />
Oh Lord, before these feet of mine<br />
Oh Lord, before these feet of mine </blockquote>
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When my world is shaking, heaven stands<br />
When my heart is breaking<br />
I never leave your hands</blockquote>
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When you walked upon the earth<br />
You healed the broken, lost and hurt<br />
I know you hate to see me cry<br />
One day you will set all things right<br />
Yeah, one day you will set all things right</blockquote>
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When my world is shaking, heaven stands<br />
When my heart is breaking<br />
I never leave your hands</blockquote>
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Your hands that shaped the world<br />
Are holding me<br />
They hold me still</blockquote>
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The YouTube video is a bit cheesy in places, but it's worth it to hear the melody of the song. They actually play this song often on the Pandora station I listen to.</div>
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<b><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">God is always good, and I am always loved. </span></span></b><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">There is a lot of hurt around us right now. In addition to all that is going on in our household, we have family and friends who are struggling with so many different things. Hard things. My prayer list is very long. Life is full of uncertainty. It hurts and is often scary.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I had a conversation with my friend Lacy last week about how our hearts so easily can be so full of fear. But just as easily as we can have fearful hearts, we can always trust the Lord. We can trust in the sovereignty of our Heavenly Father, and the love of the Jesus who died for our sins. We can rest in knowing God is always faithful and trustworthy. Nothing takes Him by surprise, and He is always in control. He is always full of grace, mercy and love for His children.</span></span><br />
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<i><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, Helvetica, Arial;"><span style="font-size: 16px;">"Praying for you to rest well, to rest in the Lord, and to experience the joy thanksgiving."</span></span></span></i><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, Helvetica, Arial;"><span style="font-size: 16px;">Rest in the LORD. Rest in His love, mercy and grace. Rest in the goodness of the perfect plan He has for your life.</span></span></span><i><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, Helvetica, Arial;"><span style="font-size: 16px;"> </span></span></span></i><br />
<i><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, Helvetica, Arial;"><span style="font-size: 16px;"><br /></span></span></span></i>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, Helvetica, Arial;"><span style="font-size: 16px;">I really do have much to be thankful for right now. Even in the hard places of life there is much to be thankful.</span></span></span></div>
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<b><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, Helvetica, Arial;"><span style="font-size: 16px;">God is always good, and I am always loved.</span></span></span></b><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, Helvetica, Arial;"><span style="font-size: 16px;">p.s. I strongly encourage you to read Ann Voskamp's blog post that Mary sent me the link to in her email.</span></span></span></div>
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Robinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08671340115941785508noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7904453493292932788.post-5109401055515985192013-09-14T10:08:00.001-05:002013-09-14T13:37:13.981-05:00Changing of Seasons<div class="tr_bq">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">My daughter said something yesterday afternoon about needing sweaters and long-sleeved shirts for winter. In the words of my dad, "Well, that'll be tomorrow." He works outside year long, and he says he actually prefers hot weather. He's so accustom to the heat, cooler weather seems cold to him. I wouldn't call 58 degrees this morning winter, but it is much cooler today than it has been. I am looking forward to the high only being 75 today. I despise heat, but I also despise cold. Because of my disease, heat makes me want to rip my skin off, and it makes it difficult to breathe. Cold weather makes me hurt and ache all over. A day where the high is 75 is perfect for me.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I've noticed the leaves are starting to change too. Fall is definitely one of my favorite seasons. I love the robust color and cooler days; although I'm not so fond of the Fall allergies that tend to plaque our house. I love the break it gives us from the heat without it being too cold. I love changing out clothes in the closet.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I was thinking this morning about what a beautiful day it is going to be today. A great day to begin the big 18th birthday celebration of my oldest daughter. This afternoon we are taking her to have dinner with my husband's family, and this will be the first time they will meet her boyfriend.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Yes, for those of you who don't know, Sara has a boyfriend. They met through his sister and mutual friends, and over a period of time grew fond of each other. This sweet, young man came to Nathan and I and asked permission to date her. You read that correctly. He asked permission to date her. Going into this meeting I wanted to not like him, but just the opposite happened. He is so precious. He loves Jesus, works a lot of hours and attends college full-time. He has goals for his life, and seems to know what he wants to do. He is so polite and respectful. I know he has flaws, and I keep waiting to see them. No one is perfect, but thus far, I've not seen anything that causes me to be alarmed. Those of you who know me well know that is huge.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">A lot of changes in our house lately. For someone who isn't a fan of big changes, we've certainly had a lot of them the past few months. It's been a bit more than my heart can handle some moments. Watching our daughters grow and mature is always accompanied by mixed emotions. I truly have loved every stage of their life, but at the same time, it has been sad to see the last stage leave as a new begins.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This morning I was thinking about all of the changes we've experienced lately, and thinking about how the season is changing ... the weather season, and the season of life we are entering right now. This verse kept coming to my mind.</span><br />
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<b><i><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;">And </span><sup class="crossreference" style="background-color: white; font-size: 0.65em; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-ESV-30459A" title="See cross-reference A">A</a>)"></sup><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;">after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, </span><sup class="crossreference" style="background-color: white; font-size: 0.65em; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-ESV-30459B" title="See cross-reference B">B</a>)"></sup><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;">who has called you to his </span><sup class="crossreference" style="background-color: white; font-size: 0.65em; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-ESV-30459C" title="See cross-reference C">C</a>)"></sup><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;">eternal glory in Christ, will himself </span><sup class="crossreference" style="background-color: white; font-size: 0.65em; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-ESV-30459D" title="See cross-reference D">D</a>)"></sup><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;">restore, </span><sup class="crossreference" style="background-color: white; font-size: 0.65em; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-ESV-30459E" title="See cross-reference E">E</a>)"></sup><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;">confirm, strengthen, and establish you. ~ I Peter 5:10</span></span></i></b></blockquote>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I am so grateful for new seasons of life. I know the hard seasons will eventually end. Sometimes they are seemingly never ending, but they will end.</span><br />
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<b><i><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;">For everything there is a season, and </span><sup class="crossreference" style="background-color: white; font-size: 0.65em; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-ESV-17361A" title="See cross-reference A">A</a>)"></sup><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;">a time for every matter under heaven ~ Ecclesiastes 3:1</span></span></i></b> </blockquote>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It </span><i><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">feels</span></i><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> like we have been living in a hard season of life for a very long time. It's been tiresome and at times wearisome. It's in these seasons I become even more grateful His mercies are new every morning.</span><br />
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<b><i><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span class="text Lam-3-22" id="en-ESV-20377" style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px; position: relative;">The steadfast love of the <span class="small-caps" style="font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span> never ceases;</span><span class="text Lam-3-22" style="background-color: white; position: relative;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"> </span></span><span class="indent-1" style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"><span class="text Lam-3-22" style="position: relative;">his mercies never come to an end;</span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span class="text Lam-3-23" id="en-ESV-20378" style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px; position: relative;"><sup class="versenum" style="display: block; font-size: 0.75em; left: -4.8em; position: absolute; vertical-align: top;">23 </sup></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span class="text Lam-3-23" id="en-ESV-20378" style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px; position: relative;"> they are new <sup class="crossreference" style="font-size: 0.65em; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-ESV-20378C" title="See cross-reference C">C</a>)"></sup>every morning; </span><span class="indent-1" style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"><span class="text Lam-3-23" style="position: relative;">great is your faithfulness.<span style="font-size: 0.75em;"> </span></span></span></span></i></b><b><i><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span class="text Lam-3-24" id="en-ESV-20379" style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px; position: relative;">“The <span class="small-caps" style="font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span> is my portion,” says my soul, </span><span class="indent-1" style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"><span class="text Lam-3-24" style="position: relative;">“therefore I will hope in him.” ~ Lamentations 3:22-24</span></span></span></i></b></blockquote>
Robinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08671340115941785508noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7904453493292932788.post-72073132282982686302013-09-12T07:02:00.000-05:002013-09-12T07:23:31.779-05:00Beauty for Ashes<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It's been awhile. I've been asked many times why I stopped blogging. It was never my intent to completely stop blogging. I just needed to take a short break so I could spend my time and energy on other things, and that short break turned into months.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The past several months have been incredibly hard for my family. We've had to learn to trust the Lord in some really dark places. We've shed many tears, and lost a lot of sleep. We've asked "why?" over and over. We've been fearful, and at times extremely angry.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It's been a long, hard season of life for us. I'd love to share the details of all that has been happening, but the bulk of it just isn't my story to tell. Maybe one day my daughter will give me permission to share, but for now, the Lord continues to write her story. I see so clearly how He is orchestrating areas of her life to use her story in a mighty way. Little pieces keep falling into place, and I don't even think she is fully aware of how He's preparing her for something big. I don't know what that is or even what it's going to look like exactly, but I do know it's going to be a beautiful picture of God's unending grace and mercy.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Beauty for ashes.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Reflecting back over the past several months I am overwhelmed at just how much the Lord loves us. We truly are blessed. Yes, it's been a heart wrenching season. A season of life that has put callouses on our knees, but it's been a season where we've been shown how the Lord provides for us in so many ways. Provisions we don't even see until the moment is long past.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Once again, we've seen how blessed we are to have the friends the Lord has provided for us. Friends who have prayed for us and WITH us. Friends who have held us while we have wept, listened silently while we vented our frustrations and have reminded us the Lord is faithful and won't abandon us. They have literally walked every step of the past few months with us.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">They have been such a beautiful picture of the hands and feet of Jesus. Loving us in precious ways throughout such difficult days. Sacrificing their time and energy. We are so blessed to have friends who are trustworthy. Friends we don't have pretend to that everything is "fine" or "okay". We can be real and honest. We can trust them with our hearts.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Trust can be so delicate. It's so easily broken at times, and once it's broken it can be harder to rebuild than it was to earn it . I don't trust easily, and once it's broken it's near impossible to rebuild it with me. I am so grateful we have friends who are trustworthy.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">God never promised life would be easy. He promised He would never leave us. He promised to love us through it.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">He is the most trustworthy. He will carry us through this season when we are too weary and tired to walk, and He will use all of this for our good and His glory.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Right now it looks like a big pile of ashes. One day it will be a beautiful picture of His love, grace and mercy. Our tears won't be from broken hearts. They will be tears of joy.</span><br />
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<b><i><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;">To console those who mourn in Zion, To give them </span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;">beauty</span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;">for</span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;">ashes</span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;">, The oil of joy </span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;">for</span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"> mourning, The garment of praise </span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;">for</span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"> the spirit of heaviness; That they may be called trees of righteousness, The planting of the </span><span class="small-caps" style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px; font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;">, that He may be glorified.” ~ Isaiah 61:3</span></span></i></b></blockquote>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">"God is always good, and I am always loved." This is a quote from a Ann Voskamp bible study I lead at the beginning of this year. A quote I have repeated in my heart a million times over.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Even in a hard season ... a season I pray ends soon ... we are so blessed. God is good, and we are loved ... a love we don't even deserve.</span><br />
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<i><b><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. ~ Romans 12:12</span></b></i></blockquote>
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Robinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08671340115941785508noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7904453493292932788.post-48891021043907781502013-04-05T06:20:00.000-05:002013-04-05T06:41:32.207-05:00Happy 14th Birthday, Hannah!!<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Happy Birthday, Hannah!!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I can hardly believe you are 14.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And we just registered you for high school last night. Where has the time gone??</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Hannah girl, we love you so much, and you are so precious to us. You've always proclaimed yourself as the princess of the family.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And although you and Sara argue on a daily basis ... sometimes hourly ... you are still royalty in her eyes.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Well, maybe that was taking it a little too far, but you are still her best friend. Remember, she even said so in your Christmas gift this past year?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I think Alex might be a little jealous if he knew that because you seem to be his best friend, too.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Hannah, there are so many things about you that I love.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I love how you are never too cool to show your goofy side.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I love how you are always ready to have fun.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I love how you are always thinking about someone else, and what they might need.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I love how you are always finding a way to look your best.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I love that family is so important to you.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And that you love your mama enough to stand in freezing weather in the middle of snow before church to snap a picture she desperately wanted.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The past 14 years have gone by so fast. I cannot believe how quickly it has gone by.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I cannot believe I am so much shorter than you ... and the rest of our family.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Hannah, I could write a list that went on for days about all the things I love about you. You know how I've always said I love you from the tippy, tippy top of your head to the tippy, tippy bottom of your toes? Well, I love you even more than that.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">You never cease to amaze me by your determination.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Or how you are always just you.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And not embarrassed to wear ugly Christmas sweaters even when it's not to an ugly Christmas sweater party.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I love your confidence.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I love your quick wit.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And I love that God chose you to be a part of our family. I am so grateful and honored to be your Mama.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I still cannot believe how fast you are growing up.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Happy 14th Birthday, baby girl!! I hope today this your best birthday yet!!</span></div>
Robinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08671340115941785508noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7904453493292932788.post-34780733655987442462013-03-22T08:53:00.000-05:002013-03-22T10:02:04.693-05:00A Little Note of Thanks<div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; orphans: 2; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">For the past several days I have been writing a blog post to honor my Mama on the one year anniversary of her death. Every time I thought I was done, I ended up deleting it. I think I finally know exactly what I want to say, but frankly, I'm too emotional this morning to write it. Maybe I'll be able to write it in a few days.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Yesterday was much harder than I anticipated it to be, but by God's grace I got through it. I am so overwhelmed by the love I received from so many of you the past few days. The phone calls, text messages, emails,<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>Facebook<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>post, visits and cards have all meant so much to me. One of my best friends sent me flowers, and my mother-in-law showed up at my house with a Sonic drink yesterday.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I am so beyond blessed. My cup is certainly running over.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">What I am most grateful for are the prayers. Without the grace and mercy of Jesus, I simply couldn't survive.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Thank you. Thank you all for caring and loving me. Thank you for wanting to make my hurt easier.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I really do have the BEST family and friends a girl could ever want.</span></div>
Robinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08671340115941785508noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7904453493292932788.post-89817660192459641272013-03-18T09:26:00.001-05:002013-03-18T09:26:09.019-05:00Go Call Your Mama<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I had no idea that this time last year would be the final days of my mama's life. Had I known, I would have done things differently. I would have made sure I didn't hang up the phone without saying, "I love you", and I wouldn't have left her house without giving her a hug. It still bothers me I didn't tell her I love her before hanging up that Tuesday afternoon. It never once entered my mind it would be the last time I'd ever talk to her. I had no idea it was my last chance to say those words to her. After all, her last words to me were, "I'll talk to you tomorrow."</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Tomorrow came and she was gone.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I miss more than I could ever express in words. It's an unexplainable void. I think about her all the time. She's a topic of conversation every day in our house. Most of the time we are laughing about something she said or did. I'm grateful for the memories she left us that bring us laughter.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">We need the laughter because there are still lots of tears. I cry every day still. There are some days a girl just wants her mama, and this side of Heaven, I'll never have mine again. I still pick up the phone to call her. I find myself dialing her number and expecting her to pick up. I often pray, <i style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">"Lord, I just want my mama back."</i> It still seems so unreal at times.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Darryl reminded me last week, "You know she wouldn't come back even if she could. She's with Jesus."</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I know. It's a selfish want. And as much as I want her here with me, I wouldn't ask her to come back.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So, my daily prayer for the Lord to come quickly has become more intense over this past year. I tell Nathan and the girls all the time I want the Lord to come and get us before any of us die, so we can all go to Heaven together.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">If you still have your mama, call her today and tell her you love her. If you live close enough to go see her, go visit. I wish I could. I wish my phone would ring between 12-2 this afternoon, and she would be on the other end asking what I was doing and do I have my laundry caught up yet. I would have to tell her how piled up my laundry is right now.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">This is a hard week for my family. Please pray for us. The pain is so raw.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And I'm serious, go call your mama and don't hang up without telling her you love her.</span>Robinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08671340115941785508noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7904453493292932788.post-29232393917782294462013-03-06T15:50:00.002-06:002013-03-06T15:50:59.236-06:00Thanking The Lord For His Mercy<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Last night as Nathan was headed to pick up Sara from work he had a bad accident. As he was coming over a hill he hit a spot of black ice and lost control. He ended up flipping our van down a hill a couple of times. By God's mercy, he walked away from the wreck with only minor scrapes and some bruising.</span><br />
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<i><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Thank you, Jesus, for keeping him safe and bringing him home to us mostly unharmed.</span></i><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">He's in a lot of pain today. He did go get checked out this morning, and in God's grace and mercy was able to see a doctor who is a member of our church. She's an excellent doctor, and when we can't see Darryl, it's so comforting we can usually see her.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">She thoroughly checked him out and ran several test and scans. He's okay. Just some rough bruising.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">We are so grateful.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Hearing him tell me what happened and seeing our van, it's only by God's grace and mercy he walked away. I've never seen him so shaken as he was last night.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">This is what the van looks like. He took these today when he went to clean out our things.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">We have so many blessings to count today.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">1. Nathan is okay. He wasn't killed or seriously injured.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">2. No one else, with the exception of the fence the van rolled through, was involved.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">3. He's not missing work. Not great he has to spend his Spring Break in pain, but grateful he's not having to miss work.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">4. We have insurance, and our insurance adjusters we have spoken with today have been so nice and helpful. I've talked to several people from our insurance company today, and all of them have been easy to work with in all of this.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">5. He was able to see a doctor we trust, and we know is very thorough. Darryl will also be by later today, and that gives me a little extra comfort.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">6. Our in-laws live just down the street from us, and I was able to call my father-in-law to pick up Sara. She works just 5 mins from our house. Nathan had dropped her off last night, and he planned to pick her up because we weren't sure how the roads would be once she got off work.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">7. Our 17 year-old's words to me when she came home were, "It's so scary. It's so bad. Praise the Lord he's okay." She's 17 and her first reaction to this was to praise the Lord her daddy is okay. I cannot express what that does to this mama's heart. </span><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>Thank you, Jesus</i></span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">8. I have said this many, many times in the past, but it continues to be true. We have the greatest friends and family. Our phones have rang all day. We've all gotten many text messages, Facebook messages and emails wanting to know how he is and if there is anything we need. It has meant so much us. Thank you from the depths of our hearts. It's such a blessing to know we are loved and cared for by those surrounding us, and so many of you are praying. One of the highlights of Nathan's day was he was able to talk to his brother. He's in the military and lives away from us. It meant so much he called to check on him.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I have eyes full of tears this very moment. Grateful tears. This could have been so devastating. I am thankful the Lord spared Nathan's life, and he wasn't seriously injured.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I'm near the end of the bible study<a href="http://www.amazon.com/One-Thousand-Gifts-Study-Guide/dp/0310684404/ref=sr_1_3?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1362606554&sr=1-3&keywords=one+thousand+gifts"> One Thousand Gifts </a>by Ann Voskamp. Yesterday morning we went over Session 4 ... which by far has touched me the most in this study. We discussed fear and trust ... two of my biggest issues in my life.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">We had such a sweet time talking and sharing our hearts. It was so sweet to see each of the ladies encouraging and loving on one another. I walked away blessed, and understanding more about truly trusting the Lord. Little did I know I would have to greatly exercise that trust in Him just a few hours later.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">He knew I would need yesterday to morning to help prepare me for last night.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">As I am typing this now I can hear Nathan in the other room laughing at something on TV. Oh, how grateful I am to hear his laugh, and know he's safe.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>Thank you, Jesus. Thank you, thank you!!</i></span>Robinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08671340115941785508noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7904453493292932788.post-84141968482871643832013-02-11T15:45:00.000-06:002013-02-11T15:45:33.920-06:00Our Friendship Always Leads To The One <span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">As I was reading <a href="http://www.aholyexperience.com/2013/02/why-life-isnt-a-race-what-success-really-is/">this</a> post today by Ann Voskamp, all I could think of were my lunches with Mary and Connie.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">We sit for hours ... I'm not exaggerating. We've been known to have 4 hour lunches that probably would go longer if time would allow.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Hours that are sacred to me.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">We talk about anything and everything. We laugh, we cry and sometimes we even express our anger about things in life that just make us spitting mad.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">We talk about love, grace and mercy. And we talk about how our only hope is found in Him ... the very One who brought our little trio together. The One who holds us together even though one us now lives two hours away.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I cherish those lunches. It's more than just food for my body. It's more about the food it gives my soul. I always walk away refreshed, and somehow knowing more about our Saviour. </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">We spend our time sharing what the Lord is teaching us. </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Our conversations always lead back to Him.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">That's why they are my best friends ... they are the sisters I always wanted and never thought I'd have. They can be BOSSY big sisters, but only because they love me and truly want what's best for me.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Our friendship runs much deeper than things we have in common. Believe me, in some ways we couldn't be more different. Those differences make our friendship much more beautiful though. We stretch each other out of what make us comfortable.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">We've laughed so hard there were tears. Laughter so deep our stomachs hurt. And sometimes there are tears because our hearts hurt. So we bring out the roll of toilet paper to wipe our noses, and we sit close, hold hands and together we pray.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Because our friendship always leads back to the One who brought our little trio together.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">My Mama would fuss at me when I would classify them as my best friends. "You'll hurt someone's feelings doing that.", she'd say. But everyone who knows me knows they are two of the few in my most inner circle. Only three others are that close to me ... Nathan, Darryl and Robyn. It's that circle I can tell everything to and know it's safe. I'm safe from more than just being judged. I'm safe because I know they are going to "correct and reproof me" when it's needed.</span><br />
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<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><b><i><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;">All Scripture is inspired by God and profitable for teaching, for </span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;">reproof</span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;">, for correction, for training in righteousness; ~ 2 Timothy 3:16</span></i></b></span></blockquote>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;">Those times aren't always so fun. And believe me, those times have been many over the years, but it's those times that prove to me they really are my friends ... my sisters in Christ.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">They always point me to Jesus. They don't just point me to Him though, they go <i>with</i> me. And when my heart is too weak to run to Him, they carry me. And at the foot of the cross ... where grace and mercy meet ... they lay me. And they stay with me. They remind me who I am in Christ. He's is my hope, and only in Him is any true joy found</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Our friendship always leads back to the One who brought us together.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Our lunches aren't as often as we like. Time constraints, physical distance and chronic illness get in the way. It makes me cherish those lunches all the more.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And look forward to Heaven. Connie and I like to imagine we are going to be neighbors. My house will be pink, hers yellow. I think Mary's will be blue ... blue like the beautiful hydrangeas she grows every year. Sonic will be nearby, and Mary will finally love lemon slushes as much as Connie and I do. Our lunches will no longer just be lunches. We won't have to keep up with the time, and there will never be a mix-up about where we are meeting.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And our Jesus won't just be there with us in spirit, He will actually be with us. I like to imagine Him sitting at the table with us. All of us laughing at the crazy things we've done and finally being able to ask Him all the "whys" that trouble our hearts so much. All the while sipping on a Sonic slush or hot chocolate with lots marshmallows. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Because our friendship always leads back to the One who brought us together.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>Robinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08671340115941785508noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7904453493292932788.post-71444397002661635952013-01-30T10:29:00.000-06:002013-01-30T10:29:06.316-06:00It Would Have Been 25 Years<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">January 30, 1988 ... just 12 days after my Nannie died ... the Lord gave us one of the greatest blessing of our lives.</span><div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It's was a cold, bright, sunny Saturday morning. I rode to a near-by town with my parents and watched them "tie-the-knot" in the livingroom of a preacher friend of my dad's. Afterwards we went through the drive thru at Hardees to get a chicken sandwich, and then they took me home so they could go away for a couple days.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">My parents met a dance a couple years before that day. To hear my dad tell the story is one of the sweetest things ever. I really didn't know he could be romantic, but when he tells the story it's like a scene out of a movie.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">He had wanted to dance with her, but she was getting ready to leave. She was wearing a yellow shirt and they started playing, "The Yellow Rose of Texas". He asked her dance and the rest is history. The story is much more charming and full of details when he tells it, and the smile on his face tells me what his heart truly feels.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">He loves her deeply. He treated my mom like queen. Just about anything she wanted, she got. I say "just about" because occasionally he would draw the line. Like when she wanted a new car when she had a car that was bought brand new, and only had 16,000 miles on it. That caused a "spirited discussion" between them. Nathan, the girls and myself were witness to that discussion, and we still laugh hard when we talk about it. It was like a scene off of a sitcom. My girls were in tears they were laughing so hard.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">He misses her so much, and I'm sure today is going to be hard for him. He put a sweet bundle of flowers with a "Happy Anniversary" ribbon on her grave this weekend. I love that he does that.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">My girls tell him all the time they want to marry someone just like him. He usually responds by saying, "I'd hope you would find someone better than me." </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">He is precious, and we love him. I am grateful that 25 years ago the Lord blessed me with the greatest Dad. In his Father's Day card this year I thanked him for choosing to be my dad. We are so blessed to have him.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I'm so grateful my mom was able to experience what it's like to be loved the way he loves her. For 24 years she was loved deeply and cared for in a way that he wanted the best for her. She was safe and felt secure with him. She lived through hell on earth with my biological father, and Don is the complete polar opposite of him. I will forever be grateful for the way he loves her, and the respect he gave her.</span></div>
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Robinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08671340115941785508noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7904453493292932788.post-75434721271492967752013-01-28T12:08:00.001-06:002013-01-28T12:30:25.677-06:00The Lord Directs My Path<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">When someone asked me yesterday at church how I was, I said I was glad the week was over, and we were beginning a new week.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">By 8:30 a.m. this morning I was already wanting to hit rewind and start over. This was not how I envisioned my week starting.</span><br />
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<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<b><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i><span class="text Prov-16-9" id="en-NASB-16850" style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px; position: relative;">The mind of <span style="font-size: 0.65em;"><sup class="crossreference" style="font-size: 0.65em; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-NASB-16850A" title="See cross-reference A">A</a>)"></sup></span>man plans his way, </span><span class="text Prov-16-9" style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px; position: relative;">But <sup class="crossreference" style="font-size: 0.65em; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-NASB-16850B" title="See cross-reference B">B</a>)"></sup>the <span class="small-caps" style="font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span> directs his steps. ~ Proverbs 16:9</span></i></span></b></blockquote>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Actually, I never envisioned this being my life.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I have <i>mostly</i> come to terms with the fact I have CIDP (<a href="http://www.gbs-cidp.org/home/cidp/cidp/">Chronic Inflammatory Demylinating Polyneuropathy</a>), and I will most likely have it the rest of my life. I hate it, but I've accepted. It's a horrible, painful and sometimes down right scary disease. There are so many unknowns, and I have literally learned what it means to trust the Lord in every step I take.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Today I can walk. My gait is unsteady, and I find myself sitting on the ground more often than I'd like. But I can walk. Some days I do okay. Especially the days my pain level isn't at a screaming 8 and the swelling in my legs isn't so bad. I don't have a lot of those days, but I cherish them when they come. My friend Lucy (Lucy is my sturdy, handy rolling walker with a seat) helps me along at times. I don't like pushing a walker with hand breaks. It wasn't in my life plan at 40 to have a rolling walker and blue hang tag. Honestly, at times it's embarrassing. But even through the embarrassment, I am grateful to have them. I'm grateful I don't have to have Lucy with me every day, everywhere I go. I'm grateful I have her when I need her.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Life has changed a lot in the past 5 years. I can't think of hardly anything that has stayed the same.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Well, except Jesus.</span><br />
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<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<b><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;">Jesus Christ </span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;">is</span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;">the</span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;">same</span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;">yesterday</span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"> and today and forever. ~ Hebrews 13:8</span></i></span></b></blockquote>
<b><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"><br /></span></i></span></b>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">We've had to make a lot of adjustments and begin new normals for us. I don't always like it, but I've accepted it. I've learned there are some things I just simply cannot do anymore. I've learned I have limits ... even though the "limit lessons" seem to be some of the lessons I tend to need to learn over and over.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But there are days I'm not so accepting. There are days I just loose it.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Today was one of those days.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I woke up in a ton of pain. It took me forever to get to sleep last night. I love Sundays, but they are so hard for me. I've come to just expect Monday is going to be really painful, and I'm going to be exhausted. However, today seems to be worse.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">When Nathan woke me up this morning he told me Hannah was complaining with her eye hurting. I noticed late yesterday afternoon her eye was really red, but I thought her contact was just aggravating it. It was so painful this morning she couldn't even open it. After consulting with Darryl, we decided she needed to go see our eye doctor. So, I made the appointment and spent the next 40 mins making 17 phone calls trying to find someone to take us.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I'm not exaggerating. Literally 17 phone calls.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Either the person I called didn't answer or they couldn't do it ... all for legit reasons. I finally broke down and called my friend Deborah. She has 3 small kids ... 3 year old twins and a 9 month old. I didn't want to ask her to drag her kids out, especially so early in the morning, but I had hit desperation.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And while on the phone with her trying to work out a way for her to drive us to the eye doctor, I broke down.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Bless her, she's a <strike>good</strike> incredible friend.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">All that kept going through my head was how I was such a failure as a mom. I can't even drive my own daughter to the doctor when she needs to go. You see, because of heavy feet and not having reflexes I can't drive anymore. My arms are even too heavy to hold on to the steering wheel long enough to drive down the road. It's a chore to even operate a blow dryer, much less operate a vehicle.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I've been having these feelings for a few weeks now anyway. Sara is in prom dress shopping mode, and instead of me being the one to go with her the first time she looked at them, she took friends. Even went as far as almost buying one ... and I wasn't there to experience any of it with her. And her friends' mom is offering to help her in ways I should be. Don't get me wrong, I am super grateful Sara has friends whose mom is willing to do those things. She treats her like another daughter. I see that as a blessing.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But as I have learned over the past few years, not all blessings <i>feel</i> so good. I want it to be me. I am her mom. And I somehow see it as failure on my part.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Just like as Hannah's mom I should be able to get in my van and drive my daughter to the doctor when she needs to go.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Yet, for some reason ... I happen to think for more than just one reason ... that just isn't God's plan.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And I don't like it. It's heartbreaking.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It's highly unusual for me not to be able to find someone to help us out in a crunch. We've been blessed way beyond more than we deserve to have friends and some family who always come through for us.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">In the end, Deborah was willing to go way above and beyond for us this morning ... and our friend Alicia was willing to watch Deborah's baby so she could help us, but the Lord ended up working it out so that Nathan could leave school for a bit and take her.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Actually, He didn't "end up" doing it. He already had it worked out before Nathan ever woke me this morning. I just failed to trust Him. My faith was pretty weak this morning.</span><br />
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<ol class="keyword-result-list text-html" style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"><b><i><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">And He has said to me, <span class="woj">“My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.”</span> Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. ~ 2 Corinthians 12:9</span></i></b></ol>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I just keep thinking ... I should have been able to have taken her to the eye doctor and not have to depend on someone else.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Somehow, I think the Lord is trying to teach me something. Like how my dependence should be on Him.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Or maybe how I need to trust that even though I think His plan sort of stinks right now, it's really what's best for me and family.</span><br />
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<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<b><i><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span class="text Prov-3-5" id="en-NASB-16461" style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px; position: relative;">Trust in the <span class="small-caps" style="font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span> with all your heart a</span><span class="text Prov-3-5" style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px; position: relative;">nd <sup class="crossreference" style="font-size: 0.65em; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-NASB-16461J" title="See cross-reference J">J</a>)"></sup>do not lean on your own understanding, </span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;">In all your ways</span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"> </span><sup class="crossreference" style="background-color: white; font-size: 0.65em; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-NASB-16462K" title="See cross-reference K">K</a>)"></sup><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;">acknowledge Him, </span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;">And He will </span><sup class="crossreference" style="background-color: white; font-size: 0.65em; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-NASB-16462L" title="See cross-reference L">L</a>)"></sup><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;">make your paths straight. ~ Proverbs 3:5-6</span></span></i></b></blockquote>
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<i><b><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;">I will say to </span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;">the</span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"> </span><span class="small-caps" style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px; font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;">, “My refuge and my fortress, My God, in whom I </span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;">trust</span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;">!” ~ Psalm 91:2</span></span></b></i></blockquote>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And by the way, Hannah is fine. Apparently, she has developed an allergic reaction to her contact solution. A simple, easy fix.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>Thank you, Jesus!</i></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And my precious husband, who kept trying to calm me down on the phone earlier this morning, came back home with this lovely thing.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">He knows my love language. : )</span></div>
<br />Robinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08671340115941785508noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7904453493292932788.post-18072130269487703782013-01-16T10:58:00.000-06:002013-01-16T10:58:24.792-06:00Perception<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Perception.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Mine is often skewed. Or maybe I should say it is always skewed.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I'm a worrier who is often paranoid about what people think of me. I worry I've hurt someone or haven't done something that meets their approval. Maybe what I've done just wasn't quite good enough, and maybe they see me as a complete and utter failure.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I've had this fear a lot lately. Let me tell you, it can be paralyzing. It can make you want to throw your hands up in the air and say, I give up.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">That's actually what I should be doing. Giving it all up ... to God.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I stood in front of Darryl in tears on Sunday at church, and I told him I needed him to pray. Somehow my heart and head need to line up and realize my concern needs to be more about am I pleasing God, rather than am I pleasing man. It sounds easy, right?</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It's not.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Several months ago I was approached about joining the WIC (Women In the Church) Council in my church. Shortly after I was approached, the discussion began about me becoming the president. I told them I would pray about it and get back to them.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">My prayer was mostly, </span><i><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Lord, I don't know if I can do this. Are you sure You don't want to find someone else?</span></i><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">You see, during this time Nathan was also going through lengthy training to become a deacon in our church. When he was first nominated I had a "friend" tell me she didn't think I would make a good deacon's wife. I struggled with her comment for weeks. Still, almost two years later, it stings.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">After a lot of prayer and long talks with Nathan, and a few close friends, I agreed to take the position.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And then a few weeks later, I was asked to lead a ladies bible study.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Again, I prayed a lot. This time I begged the Lord to find someone else, but He didn't.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">If anyone had told me 10 years ago I would be where I am now, I would have laughed and said they were crazy. I was so angry with God, I wanted nothing to do with Him. But here I am.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And it's scary.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">You know the saying, "every sinner has a past"? Well, I do. A past that haunts me at times. There are things in my past I am so ashamed of, and those things have a way of creeping back into my thoughts and reminding me of who I was then.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">To some people I'll always be the crazy daughter who has done some horrible things.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And I forget who I am now. I forget my identity is in Christ, not in my past. I forget I am a sinner, forgiven and washed clean by the blood of Jesus Christ.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">He pulled me out of my past, and He is the One who has me here now.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Oh, how easily I tend forget I am His, and He is mine!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And nothing can change that!!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">NOTHING!!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">In my forgetfulness, I let the past creep in and tell me what a horrible person I am, and how I'm not good enough to be working in His church. Things people have said to me over the years keep ringing in my ears. Instead of hearing His voice, it's their voices I hear.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Instead of seeing myself through the eyes of Jesus, I see myself through my past.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I'll never be good enough to be a deacon's wife, be WIC President or lead a bible study.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">That's why I need Jesus.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I desperately need Him!!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Sometimes I struggle with receiving the mercy God has shown me. I keep thinking I need to pay penance for past sins. I need to remember that He already paid the price for my sins.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I'm not the same person I was 25, 20 or 10 years ago. I'm not even the same person I was last week. And I don't want to be the same person tomorrow.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I want to become more and more like Christ, and less and less like me.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I pray my perception is more like His, too.</span>Robinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08671340115941785508noreply@blogger.com0