A Little Note of Thanks

For the past several days I have been writing a blog post to honor my Mama on the one year anniversary of her death.  Every time I thought I was done, I ended up deleting it.  I think I finally know exactly what I want to say, but frankly, I'm too emotional this morning to write it.  Maybe I'll be able to write it in a few days.

Yesterday was much harder than I anticipated it to be, but by God's grace I got through it.  I am so overwhelmed by the love I received from so many of you the past few days.  The phone calls, text messages, emails, Facebook post, visits and cards have all meant so much to me.  One of my best friends sent me flowers, and my mother-in-law showed up at my house with a Sonic drink yesterday.

I am so beyond blessed.  My cup is certainly running over.

What I am most grateful for are the prayers.  Without the grace and mercy of Jesus, I simply couldn't survive.

Thank you.  Thank you all for caring and loving me.  Thank you for wanting to make my hurt easier.

I really do have the BEST family and friends a girl could ever want.

Go Call Your Mama

I had no idea that this time last year would be the final days of my mama's life.  Had I known, I would have done things differently.  I would have made sure I didn't hang up the phone without saying, "I love you", and I wouldn't have left her house without giving her a hug.  It still bothers me I didn't tell her I love her before hanging up that Tuesday afternoon.  It never once entered my mind it would be the last time I'd ever talk to her.  I had no idea it was my last chance to say those words to her.  After all, her last words to me were, "I'll talk to you tomorrow."

Tomorrow came and she was gone.

I miss more than I could ever express in words.  It's an unexplainable void.  I think about her all the time.  She's a topic of conversation every day in our house.  Most of the time we are laughing about something she said or did.  I'm grateful for the memories she left us that bring us laughter.

We need the laughter because there are still lots of tears.  I cry every day still.  There are some days a girl just wants her mama, and this side of Heaven, I'll never have mine again.  I still pick up the phone to call her.  I find myself dialing her number and expecting her to pick up.  I often pray, "Lord, I just want my mama back."  It still seems so unreal at times.

Darryl reminded me last week, "You know she wouldn't come back even if she could.  She's with Jesus."

I know.  It's a selfish want.  And as much as I want her here with me, I wouldn't ask her to come back.

So, my daily prayer for the Lord to come quickly has become more intense over this past year.  I tell Nathan and the girls all the time I want the Lord to come and get us before any of us die, so we can all go to Heaven together.

If you still have your mama, call her today and tell her you love her.  If you live close enough to go see her, go visit.  I wish I could.  I wish my phone would ring between 12-2 this afternoon, and she would be on the other end asking what I was doing and do I have my laundry caught up yet.  I would have to tell her how piled up my laundry is right now.

This is a hard week for my family.  Please pray for us.  The pain is so raw.

And I'm serious, go call your mama and don't hang up without telling her you love her.

Thanking The Lord For His Mercy

Last night as Nathan was headed to pick up Sara from work he had a bad accident.  As he was coming over a hill he hit a spot of black ice and lost control.  He ended up flipping our van down a hill a couple of times.  By God's mercy, he walked away from the wreck with only minor scrapes and some bruising.

Thank you, Jesus, for keeping him safe and bringing him home to us mostly unharmed.

He's in a lot of pain today.  He did go get checked out this morning, and in God's grace and mercy was able to see a doctor who is a member of our church.  She's an excellent doctor, and when we can't see Darryl, it's so comforting we can usually see her.

She thoroughly checked him out and ran several test and scans.  He's okay.  Just some rough bruising.

We are so grateful.

Hearing him tell me what happened and seeing our van, it's only by God's grace and mercy he walked away.  I've never seen him so shaken as he was last night.

This is what the van looks like.  He took these today when he went to clean out our things.

We have so many blessings to count today.

1. Nathan is okay.  He wasn't killed or seriously injured.

2. No one else, with the exception of the fence the van rolled through, was involved.

3. He's not missing work.  Not great he has to spend his Spring Break in pain, but grateful he's not having to miss work.

4. We have insurance, and our insurance adjusters we have spoken with today have been so nice and helpful.  I've talked to several people from our insurance company today, and all of them have been easy to work with in all of this.

5. He was able to see a doctor we trust, and we know is very thorough.  Darryl will also be by later today, and that gives me a little extra comfort.

6. Our in-laws live just down the street from us, and I was able to call my father-in-law to pick up Sara.  She works just 5 mins from our house.  Nathan had dropped her off last night, and he planned to pick her up because we weren't sure how the roads would be once she got off work.

7. Our 17 year-old's words to me when she came home were, "It's so scary.  It's so bad.  Praise the Lord he's okay."  She's 17 and her first reaction to this was to praise the Lord her daddy is okay.  I cannot express what that does to this mama's heart.  Thank you, Jesus.

8. I have said this many, many times in the past, but it continues to be true.  We have the greatest friends and family.  Our phones have rang all day.  We've all gotten many text messages, Facebook messages and emails wanting to know how he is and if there is anything we need.  It has meant so much us.  Thank you from the depths of our hearts.  It's such a blessing to know we are loved and cared for by those surrounding us, and so many of you are praying.  One of the highlights of Nathan's day was he was able to talk to his brother.  He's in the military and lives away from us.  It meant so much he called to check on him.

I have eyes full of tears this very moment.  Grateful tears.  This could have been so devastating.  I am thankful the Lord spared Nathan's life, and he wasn't seriously injured.

I'm near the end of the bible study One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp.  Yesterday morning we went over Session 4 ... which by far has touched me the most in this study.  We discussed fear and trust ... two of my biggest issues in my life.

We had such a sweet time talking and sharing our hearts.  It was so sweet to see each of the ladies encouraging and loving on one another.  I walked away blessed, and understanding more about truly trusting the Lord.  Little did I know I would have to greatly exercise that trust in Him just a few hours later.

He knew I would need yesterday to morning to help prepare me for last night.

As I am typing this now I can hear Nathan in the other room laughing at something on TV.  Oh, how grateful I am to hear his laugh, and know he's safe.

Thank you, Jesus.  Thank you, thank you!!